


Eroding Spirits

by RainiDayz, whycaswhy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom!Cas, Dying Castiel, Gore, M/M, Mark of Cain, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sick Castiel, Top!Cas, Violent Dean, Wings, bottom!Dean, lots of man tears, s10, sick, top!dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 06:11:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 82,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3239246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainiDayz/pseuds/RainiDayz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/whycaswhy/pseuds/whycaswhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both Dean and Cas are in trouble. Dean still bears the Mark of Cain that psychs up his desire to kill. Cas's borrowed Grace is slowly fading, leaving him with 4 months to live. His health is deteriorating as the days go by. Both of them are lost on what to do, so they find comfort with one another until they work up a plan to save the both of them before their time runs out. This story takes place sometime between after Hannah left her vessel, and before Dean kills Cain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Start of the End

**Author's Note:**

> K soooooo this is my first fic. Ever. So feel free to critique. I was on Shamchat with RainiDayz, (her as Dean, myself as Cas) and we sorta improved this whole angsty plot that was pulling at the feels. I felt the need to write it out. So, props to RainiDayz for co-writing this!!

This was ridiculous.

Dean paced throughout the bunker bitterly as he waited for Castiel to arrive. He had called the angel several hours ago when he had found an... _unpleasant_ surprise in his bedroom. He knew the culprit was Cas, because- well, he couldn't say he had proof for sure, but _**who else would think of that?**_

He looked up at the entrance of the bunker upon hearing the iron door creak open. There, Cas stood in the entryway, looking down at the hunter as if he didn't know what he did. That made him even more heated.

"Hello, Dean." The angel said as he began to descend the steps to face the other.

"Cas," Dean nearly growled, "My room is _swarming_ with bees. Do you know something about that?" He crossed his arms and scowled, much like a parent questioning their guilty child.

The angel's face, however, lit up; looking as if he finally solved a problem that has been troubling him. "Oh. So that's where they went. I meant to put them in the kitchen."

Dean furrowed his brow and shifted on his feet, unsure of how to take the other's response. "Cas, why are there bees in the bunker, at _all_?"

The Bee Culprit looked to the hunter as if it were a stupid question. "I thought it would be environmentally friendly to grow homemade honey. People these days seem to take the environment into consideration when producing food."

Dean open his mouth, trying to find something to say before closing it again, shaking his head and wetting his lips. "Okay, I could see that, but bees sting people Cas! And it fuckin' hurts."

Castiel looked at the Winchester, his eyes laced with concern. "Oh. Did one sting you?" His eyes surveyed Dean's body in an attempt to find any wounds caused by his small creatures.

"Yeah, while I was trying to slam the door on them." Dean lifted his right hand, showing the red welt on the back of it, swollen and unpleasant. "It hurts like a bitch."

Feeling guilty for being the cause of Dean's pain, Cas reaches out his hand with an upturned palm. "Here, let me see your hand. I will heal it for you."

The hunter eyed the angel before taking half a step back, pulling his injury closer. "No, your running on borrowed grace. You need to save your energy."

"Dean," Cas huffed a sad sigh, "I have four months worth of grace left before I die. I can spare enough for something as small as a bee sting." He reaches out his hand further, trying to intimidate the other man with his eyes as an attempt for him to give in.

Dean's eyes widened and his brows furrowed, mouth hanging open upon hearing the statement. "Did you just hear yourself? Four months until you **_die_** , Cas. I'm not gonna let you heal me, you shouldn't be healing anyone! You should be resting and laying off the angel powers."

The angel gives a sound of annoyance and looks up at the hunter, giving him a bitchface. (Something he has to thank Sam for teaching him.) "Dean, I have to constantly use the grace just to keep myself alive. There is no resting my powers. I want to do as much for you as I can until then."

"Then lay them off, okay? I want you to last as long as you can. I don't want to see you-," Dean cuts himself off and releases a heavy sigh, "Look Cas, just... take it easy. Please?"

Castiel looks up, meeting his concerned green eyes with fatigued blue ones. "Okay, Dean. I'm sorry." He really didn't want to argue with the hunter- not when he had a few months to live, which goes by pretty fast for a being that has been alive for many millennia.

Having nothing left to say, he makes his way over to the sofa and drops himself into the cushion ungracefully. He sighs again in exhaustion, fighting even verbally making him become mentally weary.

Dean, needless to say, was concerned. He had only seen his friend act like this when severely troubled. He goes and settles next to Cas on the couch, too close for personal space, and looks at him with gentle eyes.

"Don't be sorry Cas. I know you want to help, but I don't want to see you die before I can do anything about it." He stared deeply into the others eyes, as if trying it would convince him his words were true. "I'm gonna save you Cas."

The angel's gaze immediately became attentive. "Not until after we free you from the Mark of Cain." He sets his jaw and clenches his fists around his pant materiel.

"Don't make this about me. I can live with this, I've dealt with worse. Right now, _you're_ what's important."

An irritated groan makes its way up and out of Cas's throat. "Dean I've died before. Several times. But the mark is different- It makes whoever is wearing it feel the need to kill. That is more of a danger, for you and for others."

Dean turns his body, straightening to face the angel better. "You're right, it is dangerous. Like more than half the things I deal with. I know it's not ideal, but I can resist this. At least long enough to make sure you're going to be okay when it's over with."

Castiel searches Dean's eyes, looking for a sign of falsehood, and upon finding none, he slowly exhaled through his nose. "Okay, Dean. We can do what you think is best. I trust you."

He didn't feel like clashing with the Winchester. He wanted to be on good terms with him when he did die- not that he didn't have any faith that Dean would find a cure, but he strongly believed that there was nothing that could save him.

Dean swallowed hard and lowered his head a moment. "Yeah, I know you do." He raised his head and laid back against the couch, having a terrible question cross his mind. "Listen, Cas, if something goes wrong in the future, like _bad_ wrong, and I start hurting people... I want you to kill me." he pauses and looks to Cas, finding him with a stunned expression written across his features.

Castiel sits up immediately and stares at Dean with a shocked and pained expression on his face. "Dean, no... I could never do that."

Dean looks away, ashamed of his request but continues as he needs to. "Yes you could, if you had to. I know you'd be strong enough. Sammy couldn't, I've seen him in the situation before with people he's cared about. If I started killing things Cas, killing _people_ that wouldn't be me anymore. You could kill it."

"No!" The angel grabs the hunter's shoulders, forcing them to make eye contact. "It would be you, but your mind would be tainted- blinded by the mark. It is like the effect of alcohol on the brain only more demonic." He was desperate for Dean to understand, to see that he was worth something.

The Winchester stares back at the angel surprised, but remains unrelenting. "That's just it, Cas, I wouldn't be seeing things clearly I wouldn't be able to be me. I'd just become a monster!"

"How did Cain control the mark? How did he keep himself under control?" Cas was practically shaking Dean's shoulders, as if it may shake his mind free from what plagues it.

"I don't know! It was his mark, he probably knew everything about it! I'm not him, I'm just a guy Cas, I'm one human. In the end, it's not gonna matter if I get snuffed out cause of this."

Cas closes his eyes for a moment and releases a shaky breath. "It would matter. You're not just _some guy_ , Dean. You are everything." Blue eyes opened and pierced through green ones, looking to him in a silent plea.

The hunter scoffs, not buying anything the angel was selling. "How am I everything? All I've ever done was fight, and that usually put more people at risk in the process." He shakes his head and casts his broken eyes downwards. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to fight with Castiel when they were already fighting for their lives, but he had to make him understand.

Cas slowly leans forward, leaving their noses inches apart as he lowers his to nearly a growl, speaking solemnly. "You mean everything to me. I don't want to live in a world without Dean Winchester in it."

Dead averted the angel's stare, honestly it intimidated him. "Come on," He replied softly, his voice lowering darkly. "Cas you don't know what you're talking about. You're supposed to be angel. You fell because of me.

A finger slips under Dean's chin, gently encouraging him to meet the angel's gaze. "I know. I knew what I was doing. I don't regret it."

Surprised by the confession, the hunter couldn't turn away. "If you knew, then why would you ever want to have the misfortune of being stuck with me?" Despite his anger at himself and confusion from Cas' words, Dean's voice remained soft and compassionate.

Castiel glanced away for a split second and licked his lips nervously, continuing his argument. "It is not misfortune. I have never had emotions before I met you, Dean. I can feel, and I feel alive now. I do not know how I could go so many millennia without experiencing emotions like this..."

Realization suddenly crashed through Dean's brain, leaving him incapable of controlling his mouth for a moment. "Wait, Cas, do you-... do you have feelings for me?" By the time the statement left his mouth it had fallen into a whisper, as if in an instant it could be startled off.

Cas' mind paused and eyes widened enormously, a deep blush spreading on his cheeks. "I... didn't say that." He let his eyes fall from the hunter, veering them down in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

Dean swallowed hard as he watched this, heat creeping up his neck. "It started sounding like it..." He cleared his throat to try and kill some of the awkward tension, but to no avail. The angel kept his gaze fixed on this shoes, bringing up a hand to scratch the back of his neck. The coloring of his features that didn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon.

The hunter took a deep breath and decided to take a leap of faith. "Cas,"

He leaned in closer to the socially awkward angel, resting a hand on his neck and getting him to meet his gaze, holding him in such a way that entranced them both to the point neither would break.

"I need you to tell me if you do, so I can know what to do next..." Dean was nervous. More correctly he was terrified; There was a chance that this celestial being he found himself falling in love with for the past five years felt the same way about him. The butterflies in his stomach made him nauseous, but the tightness in his chest gave him a sign of hope.

Castiel breathed heavily, his eyes locked onto Dean's. Ever so gently, he nodded his head and spoke in his smallest voice,

"...Yes."


	2. Getting to Know You in Intamite Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Dean and Cas has established mutual feelings for one another, they must quickly resolve all the sexual tension they had experienced throughout the past six years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. First time writing smut. The shaaaaaame. Hope it doesn't last long though. Also hope that I don't disappoint with this chapter.

"I need you to tell me if you do, so I can know what to do next..." Dean was nervous. More correctly he was terrified; There was a chance that this celestial being he found himself falling in love with for the past five years felt the same way about him. The butterflies in his stomach made him nauseous, but the tightness in his chest gave him a sign of hope.

Castiel breathed heavily, his eyes locked onto Dean's. Ever so gently, he nods his head and speaks in his smallest voice,

"...Yes."

Dean lets out a breath he hadn't meant to be holding and the start of a smile graces his lips. "Good."

The freckled Winchester leans in and capture Cas's lips with his own, kissing him strongly. The angel gasps into kiss before returning it with equal force, both his hands moving to cradle the side of the hunter's face gently. A moment later, Dean pulls back and takes in a deep breath. He rests his forehead against the other's and looks into those soft blue eyes.

"I've got feelings for you too, Cas."

A huff of laughter escaped the angel as he smiled. "I would hope so, Dean." He plants a hand on the back of Dean's head to pull him in again for another alluring kiss.

The hunter smiles against his lips and slides a hand back into the unruly mop of dark brown hair, curling his fingers into the locks as his other slips inside the trench coat, delicately pulling it off his back and allowing it to rest around Cas' arms and waist.

The angel moans into kiss, tilting his head to the side a bit to deepen it. He moves his hand to the small of Dean's back, pulling himself into the hunter's lap and straddling his thighs.

Dean helped the angel into position and slid his tongue over the other's lips, prying them gently to invade his moth and begin to map out every feature. Cas can't help panting into the hunter's hot mouth as he glides his hands under the hem of his shirt, exploring the rugged quality of his toned chest. Dean creates a sound of approval at the angel's work and begins the enduring task of undoing the many buttons of Cas' dress shirt. (He would simply rip it off to be sexy, but this was the angel's only shirt, after all.)

Once all of them are done, he yanks off the offensive article and lets it fly to the ground. Castiel groans in appreciation and pulls the hunter's shirt up over his head, doing the same. With no clothing to stop him, Dean attaches his lips to Cas' neck and begins to litter it with small nips and licks. The angel mewls in pleasure, his hands squeezing at the hunter's sides.

Dean smirks a bit and licks a stripe up the other's neck to his ear, trailing his hands down the chest in front of him and feeling all the creases and contours of the body. "Enjoying yourself, Cas?"

"Y-yeas, Dean..." The angel of the lord whimpers at this body shivers with from the sensations. "I want you, s-so badly..."

A hand snakes into Cas' hair, tugging it so his eyes would fall to meet the hunter's possessive gaze. His voice was rough as he spoke, dropping his hand to finger the other's belt. "I want you too, Cas."

Breathing heavily, his pupils blown black with lust and desire, the angel nearly whispers in reply, "Then I'm yours, Dean."

With the belt undone, the hunter yanks the material and causes the strip of leather to skate through the loop holes, dropping it easily. "I know you are.. I'm yours too."

He connects his full lips to the chapped ones before him and kisses the angel lovingly, moving both hands to work on undoing his pants and causing him to whimper, canting his hips involuntarily. Dean raises Cas' hips, helping him to awkwardly shift out of the garment as it met the others on the floor. He lowers a calloused hand to the angel's growing erection and begins to palm at him through the boxers. Cas drops his head to the hunter's shoulder and bites down on the muscular flesh, trying to refrain from groaning too loudly. Dean gasps sharply and groans the rest of the way, rubbing his hand against the cottony material a bit harder before using his other to encourage the other to lie back on the sofa.

Cas complies and pulls back his lips, panting deeply for a moment before looking up at the hunter, what being left of the blue in his eyes were filled with both pleasure and pleading. "Please, Dean, I need you."

The Winchester grabs the hem of the angel's boxers and tugs them down slowly, keeping hold of his gaze as he plants a soft kiss on his lips. "I'll get to it Cas, but now I'm a little curious about something..."

He smirks as he lowers himself between the other's legs, watching him as he brings his head down. "I'm beginning to wonder what angel tastes like..."

Cas' eyes widen in realization and he releases another whimper, trying to hold his hips from bucking forward as the hunter sinks down on him. Dean takes the head of the erection in his mouth, pressing his tongue into the slip and moving his hands to hold down the angel's hips as he starts to descend.

Castiel screams out in pleasure, hands flying downward to grip the hunter's hand and his toes curling at the feeling. The cruel Dean Winchester keeps his smirk around the thick appendage in his mouth and drags both sets of teeth along the sides, gently and slowly as he comes back up to repeat the process and set an steady pace. The angel's eyes roll back in his head, his legs coming up to wrap around the other's body and trying to bring him closer. But the hunter keeps his hands firmly locked on Cas' hips, keeping his own speed. He opens his eyes innocently to greet the angel's, then easily begins to hum a tune around the length.

Everything goes white for the angel for several moments, colors returning as he lets out a throaty groan. He looks down at the hunter, tightening his hold on his hair to get the other's attention. "D-Dean, I don't thi-think I'm going to last much longer..."

Dean pulls off at that moment, grinning as his own saliva mixed with Cas' pre-cum clings to his lip and slides over his chin. "Then cum for me, _angel_."

He ducks his head quickly, taking Cas all the way as his nose reaches the other's abdomen, sucking as hard as he can. In the next second the angel's eyes go impossibly wide and slam shut. He screams out as he releases into the hunter's hot mouth, his body instantly racked with a wave of intense pleasure. The cry was like music to Dean's ears as he felt the other's release pour over his tongue. He swallowed it as it came, running down his throat and giving a final hum around the member before pulling off with a grin. He leans over the angel once more and brushes some of the hair from his blissful face, trying to help bring him down.

"You're so beautiful, Cas."

Castiel looks up with hooded eyes, smiling as he reaches forward to caress the cheek above him. "Do you, want me to return the favor?" He wasn't sure how to deliver an adequate " _blowjob_ ", but he was more than willing to try.

"You could, or..." Dean leans in closer, speaking lowly and seductively by the angel's ear, "If you want, I could still take you right here on the couch."

Cas groans at the thought, already feeling his member beginning to spring into attentiveness. "Yes, Dean. Please, please!"

"Easy," The hunter chuckles as he plants another small kiss to the impatient lips, starting to work off his jeans. "I've got you angel."

Twitching in anticipation, Cas spreads his legs a little wider to give the other some room. "Okay, human."

Dean shakes his head and smiles, slipping out the the denim material as well as his boxers. Cas' eyes were glued to the hunter as he watched, eyeing the other's member and feeling himself harder further. Dean rests between the angel's legs and brings three fingers to his face, laying them gently on quivering lips.

"I want to do this in the best way possible for you," He said sincerely, keeping his eyes locked on the other's. "I need to make sure you're prepared. Suck, Cas..."

Not needing to be asked twice, Cas quickly wraps his lips over the digits and sucking on them pleasurably. Dean shutters as he watches, finding the angel's show to be inexplicably arousing to see and letting off small sounds as he moved his fingers gently inside the other's mouth.

Castiel was relentless- his tongue dancing around the fingers, lathering them in his saliva easily as he looked up to the hunter. Dean groans at meeting the angel's gaze and retracts his fingers, leaning in to kiss him firmly before settling between his legs. Cas watches him all the while, giving a small sound in anticipation as his member becomes nearly rock hard again.

Dean spreads the legs at his sides a little wider, bending the knees and resting a single finger just before the tight ring of muscle. He begins to massage it, looking up to the angel. "Are you ready?"

Cas answers with a nod, starting to pant softly, his eyes fixed on the hunter the whole time. Slowly and carefully, Dean pushes in the first digit, covering the angel's chest and abdomen in kisses to distract him. It works a little, but Cas' head ultimately falls back against the couch, hissing in more pleasure than pain. Dean wait for a moment, allowing the angel to become accustomed to the feeling before moving. Continuing slowly, he slides the digit in and out a couple times and carefully adds another.

"How you doing, Cas?"

The angel was becoming overwhelmed by the sensations, tossing his head left and right, groaning deeply as he mewled, "More, Dean, more!"

The hunter chuckled and spread his fingers inside the others, creating a scissoring motion before adding in the final finger. "How's this?"

He purposely thrust all of the digits against the bundle of nerves hidden inside the angel, watching with a grin as he gasped for air and released a faint cry, hips canting downwards. Dean leaned down and tenderly kissed Cas' inner thigh and pulled out his fingers, then moved to kneel over his chest, his erection standing between them.

"I kinda need you to suck here too, Cas..."

The angel gladly leaned up on his shaky elbows, high enough to drag his pink tongue up, down, and over the shaft before taking down as much as he could in his position. Almost instantly Dean cries out, his hand shooting into the head of hair below him.

"C-Cas!"

He gasps and stutters as the angle bobs his head. Again he was relentless- carrying out his job with much gusto and even moaning around the member in his mouth as pay back for earlier. Dean groans deeply and grips the hair tighter, letting Cas work for a few moments longer before pulling himself away from the wet, warm cavern. He takes several deep breaths, staring down at the angel in astonishment. "Christ, Cas, I wasn't going to last long with you doing that..."

Castiel lets out a smirk and glances up at the hunter with mischievous eyes before dropping back down against the couch, bracing himself for what was to come. Dean collected himself and settled back between the angel's legs, aligning himself with his entrance before meeting the other's eyes.

"I love you, Cas."

Castiel releases a shaky sound as he stares down at his hunter fondly. "And, I love you, Dean."

Dean smiles and leans forward enough to kiss the other's lips lovingly and passionately. He pulls back a moment later, staring at Cas as he whispers, "Keep breathing..."

He pushes past the tight ring of muscle that divides them, gasping and moaning in unison with each other at the feeling. As their hips meet, all air is punched from the angel's lungs, leaving him breathless.

"Breath, Cas." Dean says a bit louder, remaining still and allowing time for the angel to get used to the intrusion.

Cas draws in a deep breath and begins to pant, quickly followed by a moan and the shift of his hips. "Deeaann..."

The hunter smiles down at him, satisfied to know he was okay, and retracts himself. Leaving only his tip inside, he thrusts back into the angel, setting a strong, steady rhythm. Instantly Cas grips his shoulders and burrows his head into the crook of his neck, whining softly and pushing his own hips back to meet each thrust. Dean tilts his head and meets the other man's neck with his lips, kissing it all over and shifting his angle to brush against the angel's prostate every time he moved forward. A moan rips out of Cas' throat and he begins to chant the hunter's name, starting to lose himself as well as the rhythm. Dean moves one of his hands from the angel's hips and slides it up to the erection pinned under his stomach, gripping it firmly and stroking it in time with his thrusts.

It didn't take long for Cas to come after that. Almost instantly he reached his climax, his release more intense than before and once again leaving him breathless. Feeling the angel clench around his member caused Dean to reach it peak directly after, moaning the other's name beside his ear. For a moment they're left panting, chests heaving and limbs going soft as they came down from their ecstasies. The hunter gently withdrew himself, gaining a final mewl from the angel as he dropped, bodies crammed together.

"I love you, Dean." Cas whispers drowsily as his arms encircle the hunter's middle, holding him close.

Dean smiles softly, wrapping an arm over the angel's shoulder and planting a small peck on his lips. He brushes the hair from his face once more, watching the blue eyes before him flutter closed. Gently he replied,

"I love you too, Cas."

A smile appears just so onto the angels lips, and in minutes he falls asleep in absolute bliss.


	3. Tears of an Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean get emotional as they begin to think about what the future has in store for Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attempted Angst and attempted fluff. Hope I make you all happy!!!

"I love you, Dean." Cas whispers drowsily as his arms encircle the hunter's middle, holding him close.

Dean smiles softly, wrapping an arm over the angel's shoulder and planting a small peck on his lips. He brushes the hair from his face once more, watching the blue eyes before him flutter closed. Gently he replied, 

"I love you too, Cas." 

A smile appears just so onto the angels lips, and in minutes he falls asleep in absolute bliss. 

A chuckle works it's way out of Dean throat as he looks to his unconscious angel, lingering a moment before pulling away gently. He stands, picking up his lover bridal style and carrying him through the halls, smiling as he tries to cuddle closer in sleep. The hunter lays him down gently on the bed, and being the gentleman he secretly is, goes to the bathroom to wet a rag and use it to clean him from their previous activity. Satisfied with his work, he cleans himself off and discards the rag, returning to his angel to lay at his side and wrap his arms around his waist, holding him close and going to sleep with a smile plastered on his face. 

Some time later, Castiel grimaces and wakes due to a pain coming from his stomach. He clenches it and groans in displeasure. "Dean?" 

At the tone Dean's immediately awake, sitting up and frowning as he looks to the angle. he unconsciously wrung his hands around the sheet, suddenly afraid. It wasn't until that moment the hunter had thought maybe Cas would regret sleeping with him, and now he wasn't ready to deal with the heart break. 

"What's wrong, Cas?" He nearly whispered. 

"My stomach... I think I may be hungry." The angel replied, looking down at his belly in discomfort. 

Dean chuckles, mainly in relief. He loosens his grip around the other man and smiles at him. "I bet you are. You had quite the exercise earlier..." he adds a wink in for extra measure, "And I'm starving, too, so lets get some grub." 

Cas only tightens his grip around Dean, reluctant to let go. "What are we going to eat?" 

"I can make you burgers if you want." 

That grabs Cas' attention. He sits up quickly and stares at hunter with excitement in his eyes. "I would like that, yes." 

Dean smiles at the angel's enthusiasm, and slowly rolls off the bed, stretching once he got to his feet. Cas did not take his eyes off of the muscular plane that was the hunter's body. 

"Though, we should probably get dresses fir-" Dean cuts himself off, almost smacking himself at his own idiocy. "Crap..." 

Cas looks to him, his features etched in concern. "What is it, Dean?" 

The hunter rubs his hands over his face, frustrated. "I left our clothes by the couch. On the floor." 

This caused Cas to glance elsewhere, suddenly realizing that, yes, he was still in the buck. "Oh. And where is Sam?" 

"Before we... _you know_... he went on a supply run. He should be back by now. And you only ever wear the same suit, so its not like we can dress in different clothes, or whatever." 

Cas nods, and stands up, dragging the sheet along with him and wrapped it around him lazily as if it were a toga worn by drunken Greeks. He begins to head for the door, intent on retrieving his and Dean's clothing. 

The hunter looks at the angel with amusement and sneaks behind him, wrapping his arms around what should be his waist. "You still get to see me naked. Trying to enjoy the show for a little while longer, huh?" 

Cas turns his head to look at the man he loves, the admiration for him shining through his bright, blue eyes. "Use the pillowcases. Wrap them around your waist." A smirk erupts on his face before turning back around. 

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Dean huffs a laugh. 

Castiel smiles and leans his head back to Dean's shoulder. "Mhm... I'm already thinking about you wearing the pillowcase- loincloth." 

Dean lets out a short laugh as he looks down at his angel. "Me as a modern Tarzan," He scoffed, "Jesus, that's an image." 

A smirk dominates Cas' face. "An image I'd like to see more often." 

He walks out of the hunter's grasp and leaves him remained stunned by the comment, walking out the door with the sheet still wrapped around him. A few seconds later he givees the okay for Dean to follow, Sam not being in the area.When the hunter catches up to him, he is holding out a piece of paper to him. 

"What's this?" 

"It's from Sam. He must of came back after we went to my room." 

Dean takes the paper and reads it out loud: 

_"Hey Dean, it's Sam. I saw the clothes on the floor when I came back and can only assume you and Cas finally admitted your feelings to each other and had sex on the couch. I'm happy for you, really, just **PLEASE** don't have sex anywhere I go near! In fact, just keep it in the bedrooms. And as for me, I've left the bunker for a day or two. Now that you two are together, knowing you, Dean, I'm sure you'll have plenty of sex and I don't want to be around for that. See you in a few days. You better not still be horny when I'm back."_

Dean looked over the note again and smiled. "Guess we have the bunker to ourselves then, huh?" He gives Cas a wink. 

The angel doesn't respond, instead he walks over to the tables and sits down, still wearing the sheet. "I'm still hungry, Dean." 

"Oh, sorry about that princess," Dean says as he steps into his boxers, then jeans, neglecting to put a shirt on. "You gonna get dressed? You are rather distracting looking like that." 

Cas glances in his direction." There is a reason angels are depicted as wearing long robes. We like it that way." 

"Huh, well I'm not complaining." He tosses Cas another wink before heading into the kitchen to cook up some burgers. As he returns to the table, a plate in each hand balancing a burger and beer in each, Cas couldn't help but sneeze a couple of times. Dean says _bless you_ redundantly each time before looking to him in concern as he sets the plates down. 

"Are you feeling alright, Cas?" 

"I'm fine, thank you." Cas looks down at the table. 

Dean takes the seat next to him, and turns it to face him. "What's wrong?" 

Cas shakes his head. "It's nothing. Just a cold, maybe." Dean could tell he was lying. 

"Angels don't get colds, Cas. They're angels," Dean brings a hand to his face to try to estimate his temperature. "Any other ideas?" 

Cas avoids Dean's piercing green gaze, sighing defeatedly. "You know I'll be dead in four months?" 

Dean quickly kneels down in front of him, turning the angel to face him, forcing him to stare upon his stern face. "I know I'll have you _saved_ in four months." 

"Well, if I do die, I'm not just going to drop dead. I am currently dying. It will take four months until I take my final breath. My health will deteriorate as my grace wears away." 

The Winchester looks at the angel strongly, unconsciously wringing his hands. "Well, then... I'm going to be taking care of you, too." Dean takes the beer he got for him and tosses it into the garbage. He then takes out a glass and fills it with water, returning to set it before the other. "Drink up." 

Cas looks to Dean as he sits back down with a worried expression on his face. He drinks from the glass apprehensively. "Thank you, Dean." 

The hunter kneels before the angel once more, taking one of his hands strongly in both and looking up to him with intense determination. "Listen Cas, I know it's not gonna do much. But if the little things help, I'm gonna make sure they get done. I just learned that you love me like I love you, and to hell if I'm letting that go to waste. Not in a million years. So, if we're gonna do this, we gotta keep fighting, and I swear that four months from now, we'll be sitting here, eating burger and just _being_ together because I'm _not_ gonna let you die without me." 

Cas closes his eyes as they tear up, leaning his forehead against his hunter's. "I don't want to die, Dean. I don't want to be taken from you." 

"You're not Cas, I swear to God you wont. We've been through this before; Heaven, Hell, Earth, even fucking Purgatory, and everything trying to tear us apart from each other but we always made it. We're gonna make it now, too." 

A sniffle makes its way out of Cas. "I don't know... This is all because of Metatron. He is smart and cunning, he will make sure I die- even from his cell in Heaven." 

"Then I'll be sure to follow you into where ever it is you end up and I'll take the weight this time." Dean unconsciously brings his hands up Cas' arms, resting them just below his shoulders. "I'll be the one the one the grip you tight and drag you back, no matter what. I don't care if the fuckin' universe tries to take me apart, I'll bring you back to me." 

Castiel lifts his hands to wipe at the tears flowing from his red-rimmed eyes. "Dean... I'm still hungry. Sorry." 

"Don't apologize, Cas." Dean raises his hands to aide in wiping the tears away and leans down to kiss him softly on the lips. Smiling at Cas, he takes the seat adjacent to him and picks up his burger. 

The angel sheepishly glances up to Dean, a look of guilt upon his face. "Thank you, Dean. Thanks for everything." He carefully picks up his meal and devours it hungrily. Dean eats his burger more slowly, keeping his eyes on him, still feeling the weight of his doubts. 

Once Cas finished the burger, he nonchalantly settles his hands atop his lap, under the table to hide their slight shakiness. As discreet as he tried to be, the hunter notices the unusual behavior and puts down his food. "Let me see your hands, Cas." 

"No. They're fine." He turns his head away from Dean. 

The hunter leans in closer. "No, they're not, Cas. I know you better than that." The angel looks at him sadly and slowly extends his hands out, trying his best to control the shakiness of them. Dean gingerly grabs them and grips them firmly and carefully, to try to suppress the tremors. He strokes his thumb over the backsides and looks up to the other softly. "We're gonna get through this." 

Cas squeezes his hands back and nods lightly. "Dean... I think I may have to go to the bathroom..." 

Dean squeezes his hands back before letting go. "Go ahead then. I'll get this mess cleaned up." The angel gives a nod and exits, leaving the hunter to wash their plates in the sink. A few moments later he returns to the doorway, Dean instantly walking up and carefully wrapping his arms around his waist. "What do you want to do now?" 

Cas leans up to kiss him on the lips. "Whatever you want to do, I'll be happy to do too." 

Dean kisses him back tenderly, savoring the taste of his angel on his lips. "I'd be fine with going back to lay in bed for a while, to be honest." 

"Alright. But not your room. The bees are still in there." 

"Yeah, but they're making honey for you. Can't be too bad." A small smile forms on his lips. "How about we go back to your room?" 

Cas nods and Dean takes his hand, intertwining their fingers. He leads him back to the room and settle on the bed, the angel resting is head on the hunter's chest with their feet in a tangled mess. Dean sighs in content and pushes a hand through Cas' hair. 

The angel was the first to speak up. "What are we going to tell Sam?" 

"What do you mean?" Dean's brows furrowed. "Sam already knows and seems pretty cool with it as long as we keep the PDA to a minimum." 

A deep chuckle works its way up Cas' throat. "I was referring to the bees." A smiles lights up on his face, creating crows feet around his sapphire eyes. 

The hunter lets out a laugh and nuzzles his face into the messy hair, smiling into it. "Tell him I wanna be a bee keeper now." 

Castiel laughs out loud, and releases a sigh before a dreadful thought came to mind. "He will also surely notice my declining health..." 

Dean's smile fades quickly and turns into a frown, his grip around Cas' waist tightening a bit. "We'll tell him the truth about that. He'll want to help, he'll do research... we can do this, Cas." 

Instead of feeling relieved to have such support, Cas curls even more so into Dean's side. "I'm sorry for being such a burden." If the Winchesters were busy helping him, then they wouldn't have the time to also hunt as much as they used to, resulting in more people getting killed. Castiel didn't want to be the one to get in the way of innocent people who need saving. It wasn't fair to them. 

"Hey," Dean pulls his head back to look down upon the other 'man'. "You are not a burden. You're the most incredible person I've ever met Cas, inside and out. Crap happens to us we cant control, and that usually happens just from being in the same room as me. You were given me as a burden when you pulled me from Hell. Now we're here together, and we're going to work through this. It's not gonna be easy, it never is, but we can do this... You're gonna be fine, Cas." 

Castiel avoids his determined stare. "I'm upsetting you. I'm sorry. I'll try not to be so sad around you." 

"No, Cas, stop," Dean brings a hand to his chin and forces him in a gentle manner to meet his gaze. "You're not upsetting me. I'm trying to tell you this so that you know it's true. I know you're worried and I know you're scared, and I don't want you to hide that from me. If you're ever sad, or hurt, or just pissed off, I want you to tell me. Hell, you can yell at me if it makes you feel any better to vent. But I also want you to try to see that we've been here before. Several times. And we always make it. We always come back to each other. I love you Cas, I need you to know these things..." 

The angel's eyes water for a second before he breaking down and begins crying, burying his head into Dean's shoulder. The hunter clutches him tight against his side, holding him, and running his hand up and down his back in an attempt to soothe the morbid angel. After a some minutes of sobbing, Cas pulls back to look at Dean with red eyes. "Can you make me a promise, Dean?" 

The hunter looks into those blood-shot eyes and holds back a frown, swallowing hard. "I'll try, Cas." 

Castiel wrings his hands, knowing his request will be despised, but he needed Dean to understand him. "I don't know how bad I'm going to get... so if you see no way in helping me, and if I'm in constant pain and suffering, I need you to promise you will put me out of my misery." 

An intense pain in the chest strikes Dean, but he forced it down and looked to Cas sadly. He didn't want to agree to that. He never would even consider it if it hadn't been for those red ringed eyes staring back at him, pleading him to accept it. "If you wanted me to... and if it ever came to that, no other options... But I'm going to save you, Cas. I promise." 

The angel lays his head back on the hunter's shoulder, content with the answer. "Thank you, Dean. I know you'll try your hardest. I love you so much." 

"I love you too, Cas. More than you know." Dean pulls Cas in tight to him, not regretting his promise, nor being happy with it. They both eventually fall asleep and don't wakes until the next day. 

Cas was the one to wake up first, after feeling something wet trail down his face. He brings a hand up to his chin where he can feel it pooling and brings it back. Blood. His nose was bleeding. And pretty bad, too. His lower face was stained in blood, as was the sheets beneath his head. Luckily he hadn't been laying on Dean when the bleeding started. 

Dean slowly wakes feeling the angel shift beside him. He blinks open his eyes as he turns to looks at him. His eyes instantly go wide when they begin to focus on his surroundings. "JESUS CHRIST CAS!!" He shoots back and nearly falls off the mattress. 

Castiel calmly looks to the hunter, and then down to his hands which are now coated in blood as he attempted to stop the flow. "I think my nose is bleeding, Dean."


	4. The Black from the Belly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas' health continues to deteriorate, and Dean has to care for him. They may be happy being with each other, but if they don't find cures for the both of them soon, then they don't have much time left with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K so more fluff and smut. hope you enjoy! feel free to leave comments I need reviews!

Dean slowly wakes feeling Cas shift beside him. He blinks open his eyes as he turns to looks at him. His eyes instantly go wide when they begin to focus o his surroundings. "JESUS CHRIST CAS!!" He shoots back and nearly falls off the mattress. 

Castiel calmly looks to Dean, and then down to his hands which are now coated in blood as he attempted to slow the flow. "I think my nose is bleeding, Dean."  "Yeah, it is," Dean sits up and gets a hold of himself before leaving the bed and returning with a damp rag from the bathroom. He brings to Cas' nose, pinching it at the bridge. "Tilt your head a bit..."

Cas follows his instructions. "Sorry for frightening you."

"Don't apologize, Cas. You didn't do it on purpose. Hold this here..." Dean placed Cas' hands on the rag and went to retrieve another, bringing it back to start cleaning up both of his bloodied hands one at a time. "Christ, has this ever happened before?"

"Usually when I get punched in the face, but never this much, no."

Dean frowns in discontent and finished wiping his hands clean, and slowly pulling the rag away from his nose to see if the bleeding has stopped. "Might have been nothing, really. It happens sometimes when you're hot or dehydrated. Have you been drinking much, Cas?"

Cas shakes his head. "No... I've been forgetting to. Normally I wouldn't have to be bothered with drinking every so often." He sighs, realizing his fault.

Dean stands up. "Alright, well we're going to have to start. I'm going to get you some water." Dean leaves the bedroom again, this time to retrieve water. He returns quickly with a full glass, and passes it on to Cas. "It's important to drink this stuff. Not an entire _store_ of it, but a couple glasses a day will do good and prevent _this_ from happening."

Cas nods his head in understanding and drinks the water as if he hasn't seen any in days. He didn't realize just how thirsty he was. "...My sheet is bloody, now..."

"We'll get that cleaned." Dean takes the glass and sets it aside on the nightstand, planning on refilling it soon. "Is there anything else you can think of that humans do regularly that you haven't recently?"

"Mmm... I haven't showered in a long while..."

"Lets get you one then." Dean stands and takes his hand, guiding him to the bathroom and starting up the shower, making sure it isn't too hot or too cold.

Cas awkwardly lurks behind him, unsure of what to do. "Will you stay with me?" He looks up to Dean with 'puppy dog' eyes, silently pleading for company.

Dean looks at him and his heart melts easily. "Yeah, of course, Cas. If you want me to." Cas replies with a smile and steps inside the shower, making sure to leave enough room for one extra man. Dean slides out of his jeans (making sure to put on a show for Cas) and follows him in, closing the door behind him as he stands close to him. Cas turns around, facing Dean, and wraps his arms around his waist. Dean smiles and mirrors the movement and rests his forehead on Cas'. "How you feelin'?" 

Castiel smiles, his lips lightly brushing against Dean's. "Better than last night."

"I'm glad to hear it." Dean kisses him softly. Cas sighs happily and kisses back tenderly. Dean keeps his arms at his waist as he pulls the angel closer to him, pressing their bodies together as much as possible as he continues to kiss him lovingly. Cas moves his hands up to the mans face and tilts his own to deepen the kiss. Dean slides his hands up and down his slick back, feeling his warm skin beneath the water, and takes his bottom lip between his teeth and sucks. Cas releases a deep moan, his hands falling from Dean's face to his ass, and squeezes it.

Dean makes a light noise in surprise and pulls back a bit to look at him. "Getting a little handsy, hmm?"

Cas responds by growling from low in the throat and nods a bit. Dean takes that as a challenge and brings a hand to the soaked dark brown hair, tugging on it lightly to give him full range as he attacks his neck with heavy kisses and nips. Cas groans with pleasure, and retaliates by bringing a hand to Dean's dick and begins to stoke it softly. Dean reacts by hissing and softly moaning, taken by surprise, but smirks against the neck he is currently attached to. He bites a bit harshly there, and brings his hands to Cas' chest to tweak with his nipples.

A mewl works its way out of Cas, and he brings up his other hand to palm at the balls before him. Dean groans from the back of his throat and drops a hand to match Cas', stroking his cock as he brings his lips to join Cas' to kiss him passionately. Cas greets those eager lips with his tongue, which lips inside his mouth, exploring the wet and warm cave fervently. 

Dean moves his tongue against Cas', sliding over it before smirking and sucking on it lightly. It causes his partner to moan and move his hands up to grip at his shoulders while his hips thrust forward. Dean moves his hand to those hips and rolls his own against them, pressing down harshly, desperate for the contact. Cas bites down on his shoulder, whining like a dog while frantically rutting against him. Dean groans at the feeling of both of their erections rubbing against each other. But it wasn't enough. He takes both of the cocks in hand, stroking them together as he tilts his head back in pleasure. Cas begins to breathe out Dean's name against his neck as he nears his peak. Dean, feeling heat coiling in his own stomach, brings a hand to his neck and places his lips beside his ear, "Come fore me, Cas... don't hold back."

Cas bites down harder against the shoulder between his teeth, sagging his body against Dean's as his knees give out when his climax hits. Dean keeps the both of them up by leaning against the shower wall as his own knees buckle a bit when he comes, groaning Cas' name into his neck.

Cas pants heavily, trying to catch his breath, leaning his forehead against Dean's shoulder. "C-can all showers b-be like this?"

Dean chuckles against his angel's skin as he nuzzles into his neck. "If you want them to be, I'm sure we could."

Cas hums into his skin, satisfied with the answer. "Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?"

"I'm hungry again..."

"Well let's get clean for real and go get something to eat." He smiles as he pulls back from him to retrieve the soap, lathering up well enough in his hands to wash all the 'excitement' from Cas' chest and abdomen.

Cas smiles at the contact. "Oh, I forgot that this is the main purpose of showering."

Dean huffs out a laugh while washing the suds off of him, turning him slightly to start wetting his hair. "Being an angel has it's perks, I guess. But we get to get clean while getting dirty..."

Cas chuckles, closing his eyes to shield them from the water. "I don't see why sexual acts are considered 'dirty'."

"We'll, considering I'm washing come off the both of us, that should give you an idea." Dean pulls Cas from the water stream and puts some coconut scented shampoo into his hair, working it in gently and tilting his head back to make sure the soap wouldn't get in his eyes.

"Mmm, I don't know... Becoming intimate with the one you love and pleasuring each other seems more beautiful than foul."

"It is beautiful. And a lot of fun. It's not foul, Cas, just messy." Dean works with his hair for a few more moments before stepping back, laughing. 

Cas tilts his head and looks to him in a quizzical manner. "What is it Dean?"

Dean sighs and shakes his head lightly, still smiling at the funky Mohawk he created with Cas' hair. "You're absolutely adorable," He says fondly.

Cas gives Dean the bitchface. "I'm a many millenniums old multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent the size of a skyscraper possessing the body of a dead man. I am not adorable. I am wrathful." His face begins to sink into a pout.

Dean remains stunned for a moment, unsure on how to respond before breaking into a small chuckle, pulling Cas closer to him. "Yea, wrathful celestial intent. How could I forget?" A smirk forms on his lips, and he lowers his voice. "Must have been when you were whimpering beneath me earlier..." 

Cas blushes deeply, and glances away, smiling at the memory. "That's not fair! We were in the middle of intercourse, I was being pleasured!" He chuckles and hides his face in Dean's shoulder.

Dean also smiles and brings his hands to Cas' waist. "Alright, alright, my bad. Still, it was an awesome view..."

Cas leans up to kiss Dean gently before looking him in the eyes. "Now, food?"

Dean kisses him back sweetly. "Yes. Go ahead and start getting dry. I still need to get the _'you'_ off of me."

Castiel smirks before exiting the shower, searching for a towel to dry off with. After doing so, he dons a pair of sweatpants and moves into the kitchen. By that time, Dean had finished cleaning himself, and drying off. He slips back into his jeans and upon seeing Cas with his back to him in the kitchen, he decides to sneak up on him. Cas was too busy being preoccupied with the toaster, trying to figure out how it works, and didn't notice he was being stalked. Dean quickly wraps his arms over Cas' torso once he was close enough, scaring a small yelp out of the angel. Cas twists around for a moment, then relaxed when he realized it was only Dean. Dean gives a small chuckle and relaxes his arms around him. "Sorry."

Castiel tries to look mad, but cant help huffing a laugh. He enjoys seeing Dean in such a bright disposition. "Make me food, you little demon."

"Ooh, harsh!" Dean jokes back, duking into the fridge in search for food. "What do you want to eat?"

Cas shrugs. "I don't mind."

Dean hums for a moments before pulling out leftover ribs from a couple of night ago. He heats them up, bringing them over to Cas with a glass of water. Cas nods in thanks and begins to eat eagerly. Dean smiles as he watches him, feeling better at seeing him better than he was before. But God must hate him, because he thought too soon.

"Dean? I have a question..."

"Shoot, Cas."

"How upset would you be if I threw up in the kitchen?"

Dean's eyes widened a bit. "...Um, depends..." He stands up, looking to Cas carefully. "If you feel like you're gonna be sick, you should probably go to the bathroom..."

Cas shakes his head and lays a hand lightly over his stomach. "I don't think I can make it. I feel as if I'll vomit if I move."

"Alright, stay there." Dean hurries out of the room, and returns with a bucket he knew was stored in the supply closet. He quickly hands it to Cas, and helps hold it beneath his head. 

Once the bucket was in place, Cas hurled a thick, black goo into it, gagging as it was expelled from his stomach. Dean pushes hair back from his face, and glances down into the bucket. His heart drops immediately upon seeing what the bucket held. "Christ, Cas, what happened? What _is_ that?"

Cas stares down at the bucket's contents as he responds. "You know how when you burn a body it turns to ash? Well, this is burned up grace. Grace that had been used up. It turns into this 'liquid' state in my stomach so I can emit it. It cannot stay in me. It has to go somewhere..."

Dean swallows hard and brings his hand to Cas' back, drawing soothing circles with his thumb. "Jesus, Cas... how often does this happen to you?"

"Not too often. This is probably the fourth, fifth time maybe." Cas shrugs. 

"Fif- how come you never told me? I mean, I'm not angry, I'm just surprised..." He didn't want to frighten Cas away from answering. He knows he gets upset if he thinks he has disappointed Dean.

"Its not necessarily a bad thing. Though, nor is it good. Like I said, the burned grace has to go _somewhere,_ and there isn't enough room in this vessel for this useless matter to remain, so I'm forced to get sick."

"So what, it just happens at random times?"

Cas nods. "But it happens a couple of weeks between each occurrence."

"A couple of weeks? Alright, then we know how to prepare for it. In about two weeks, we'll keep you here for a day or so, until you get rid of the burned grace. Okay?"

"Alright, Dean... can I go brush my teeth? It doesn't taste too good."

Dean smiles weakly. "Of course, Cas."

 

 

 

 

  
  


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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Anyone? No? Okay


	5. The Eyes of an Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean go nose-deep in books as they search for a way to save them both. Sam is also on his way to the bunker to assist in the research. Dean also encounters a moment where the mark takes control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like! Reviews are pretty cool and I'll love you forever if you leave one.

"Alright, Dean... can I go brush my teeth? It doesn't taste too good."

Dean smiles weakly. "Of course, Cas."

Dean begins to gather Cas' used dishes and washes them in the sink while Cas is absent. When he does return, Dean sits him down at the counter to talk to him. "Cas, how did you manage throwing up that shit _five times_ without me or Sammy noticing?"

Cas shrugged. "Well, I haven't exactly been around all the time."

"Yeah, I get that, but _why_ , Cas? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to worry you..." Cas glanced away, feeling too guilty under his stare.

Dean looks at him with a small frown and takes his hand. "I'm always going to worry about you, Cas. Even if you're healthy, I still would want to look after you. It just makes it easier to know what I'm dealing with..."

Cas sighs and leans his forehead against the hunter's. "I know, Dean. I'm just tired of causing you to worry about me."

"Don't get tired. If anything changes with you, anything at all, I want you to tell me. I want to know so I can start fixing it. I can't know what I'm trying to fix unless you tell me, buddy."

"Okay, I'm sorry. We still have to find a way to save the both of us... Where should we start?"

Dean thinks for a moment, frowning, and keeping his eyes on Cas at the same time. "I don't know yet, Cas," He whispered. 

Cas slides off the counter and stands before Dean. "We can't just sit here and wait for an answer. We should leave the bunker and search for it ourselves."

"Yeah, but where are we gonna go? Sammy bounced thinking we're just gonna be banging each other for the rest of the week, and Metatron is in heaven."

Cas raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "We could always just go and get Sam. Or call him and send him off somewhere to search for information."

"...You're right.."

"Of course I am."

"We need to start doing some research." Dean takes his angel by his hands and begins to guide him out of the kitchen. "Alright, let's go get Sam and get back and we can start looking up anything we can find on angel grace or the fuckin' Mark of Cain."

Cas tugged on Dean's hand, silently asking him to halt as they walked through the hallway. "What should we pack? Should we bring any medicines in case I need any?"

"He didn't drive to the other side of the world, Cas, he's probably just a few towns out. We don't need much. But if you feel like you need medicine, tell me what you need and I'll get it."

Cas nods, agreeing with his plan. "No, I'm sure I'll be fine. Do you know where he went?"

This caused Dean to freeze for a second. "Nada," He throws his hands up in the air in exasperation. "He can't be far, though. I'll give him a call."

"Tell him it is urgent and that we won't be having sex while he is around."

Dean looked at Cas with an eyebrow raised. "Well, _duh._ That'd be a lot weird, don't you think?" He pulls out his phone and dials his number, the phone now ringing. "I'm also gonna avoid telling him about the shower..." He said with a smirk. He said it to try and get Cas to fluster, because that is cute when it happens.

"If you think that will help. I don't mind whether or not you tell him."

Instead it was Dean who became flustered. "I'm not gonna tell my brother we had sex in the shower, Cas." Shaking his head, he brings the phone up to his ear. Cas waits patiently beside him, looking to him with interest. 

Sam finally answers. "Hey Sammy, where are you?"

" _Did you guys have sex in my room?"_

"W-no! We didn't!" Dean blushed.

" _You sure_?"

"Dean face palmed. "Jesus, Sammy, yes, I'm sure! Look, we need you back here. We’ve got to figure out how we’re going to do about Cas’ grace and this frickin’ mark."

" _Okay, I get that. Sorry, you just get..._ too excited _sometimes…"_

"Damn it, Sam, could you just get back here? Where the hell are you?"   
  
" _I’m a few hours out in Phillipsburg. I wanted to be as far away as I could in case Cas started shouting in Enochian_."

"…Yeah, that’s something I should’ve thought of… Look, just get back here asap, alright?"

" _Okay, Dean, geez. I get why you’re anxious. I’ll start heading back now and I’ll call Charlie. Cain sounds like it might be something she can work with_."

"Alright, sounds like a plan. I’ll see you in a few."

Dean turned to Cas to talk to him. "He's in the next town over. That's farther away than you think, too. Lebanon is kind of isolated."

"Alright, well its not too far... Are we going to him or vice versa?"

"Best library we've got on this stuff is right here. He'll be here in a couple of hours and he's gonna call Charlie to get her to start sticking her feelers out, too."

"Are we going to wait for him before we start?"

Dean thinks for a moment. "I want to say we should start now but I barely have a  handle on the way the archives are filed, let alone how to find what the hell we're even looking for."

Cas pursed his lips while deep in thought. "I know some about the archives. Sam and I had had frequent conversations about it. And as for what we're looking for, look for anything that has to do with 'cures'. That would be a start."

"Yea a start for _me."_

"What do you mean?" Cas tilted his head in confusion. 

"Curing the Mark of Cain. Preferably destroy the damn thing. What about angels, Cas? Any books on grace or God or anything about heaven?"

Cas nodded. "Yes, there is a small section on angels, I believe, that I've never bothered to look at. I will start there."

"Alright. I'll start digging through the cures and see what I can find on this douchebag's mark."

Cas nods again and heads towards the shelves, pulling out several books, and takes them to the table to start skimming over. Dean browses the shelves, looking for any sort of book that has to do with cures. He finds a couple and pulls them out, bringing them to the table, and sitting down across from the angel. Then, he opens the first book with a sigh and begins to read. Cas was having a difficult time reading. He was having to squint, and occasionally reaching up to rub at his eyes. Dean notices the odd behavior, losing focus from his book, and watches Cas for a moment.

"What's going on Cas?" He leans forward, his elbows on the table.

Cas shrugs. "I don't know. Perhaps my eyes are tired... They're quite blurry." He leans back in his chair, giving up on reading.

Dean remains silent for a minute, thinking, then stands up. "Alright," He keeps his eyes on Cas as he walks over to one of the book shelves and pulls out a random one. He brings it over to Cas and shows him the cover. "What's the title of this book?"

Cas leans forward and squints intently at it, determined to read the books title. "I'm not sure... Something to do with Wendigos?"

Dean nods and turns the book over to read the title himself. "'Lore of Northern American Wendigos'." He shrugs. "Not bad... But also not good enough..." He puts that book back, and pulls out another, showing it to Cas again. "What about this one?"

The angel squints again. "Toads? Something about toads?"

Dean turns the book over. "'Shapeshifters: Tones and Blending Abilities'. Not toads..."

"Oh," Cas sits back in his chair, a defeated look upon his face. "What is happening to my eyes?"

"I can't say for certain but I'm gonna guess it's connected to your grace." He goes and returns the book to its proper place on the shelf, and returns to stand before Cas. "Does it make your head hurt when you're reading? Squinting, words getting blurry, anything?"

"Yes, the words are blurry. It hurts my head a bit to try and read."

"Alright, this might be an easy fix..." Dean walks over to a desk in the corner of the room and pulls out a very old pair of reading glasses that he had found months ago. He brings it over to Cas. "Here, put these on. See if it makes it better or worse."

Cas looks up at him skeptically, but takes the glasses from his outstretched hand and puts it on anyways. Then, he looks down at the book on the table and tries to read. He sighs with relief. "Yes, this does help. Thank you."

"Alright, just to be sure..." Dean retrieves another book from the shelves and brings it back. "Can you tell me what this is?"

Cas only needed to glance at it. "'The History and Culture of the American Werewolf'."

Dean lets a broad smile take place on his face. "That's absolutely right." He puts the book back and sits back down where he was before.

Trying to adjust to the new weight circling his face, Cas fingered at the glasses, trying to position them comfortably. "These are a bit big..." And as if to prove his point, he looks downward and the glasses fall into his lap.

Dean chuckles at the sight. "We'll get you a better, more-this-decade pair later. For now, lets go sit on the couch. You can be more comfortable and lean back on it so they don't fall."

Cas nods and picks up his books and moves to the couch. Sitting on it and looking to Dean as he makes his way over. Dean sits on the end and tugs gently on Cas' shoulder to indicate that he should lie down with his head resting on his lap. Cas did just that. He holds the book above his face as he reads, Dean holding the book over Cas' and continuing where he left off.

After about an hour of reading, Cas suddenly sits up, knocking his head on Dean's book. Dean jumps in shock and tosses his book on the coffee table, bringing a hand to Cas' head.

"Christ, Cas, are you okay?"

Cas shoves his book in Dean's face. "READ IT!! It says 'an angel of decaying grace can be restored in whole with a reversal spell'!"

Dean was stunned. "Are you serious?!" He yanks the book from his hands and reads the passage over quickly, a wide grin spreading on his face. "This is incredible, Cas! This is just what we need!" He drops the book, grabbing Cas' face instead, and plants a strong, quick kiss on his lips. Cas, of course, happily returns the kiss, and pulls away to look at his face.

"Unfortunately, it doesn't list the ingredients for the spell..."

Dean just smiles and caresses his cheek. "One step closer than we were before. We'll find out what they are, somehow. Hell, _Crowley_ owes me by now, and I', damn sure he can figure it out."

Cas nods. "Yes, that is a good idea. I'm just relieved to know that this can even be reversed. I thought nothing could be done."

"See, I knew we could do this, Cas." Dean smiles, wrapping his arm around Cas' shoulder as he reads the passage again, as if it were too good to be true. "We'll be able to get you back and graced up in no time."

Cas leans into Dean's side. "Now we need to find something on the mark..."

Dean releases a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I know. I've been going over these cures, but they're as useless as a blank page. We'll find something when Sam gets here, but right now, I'm just glad to know you're gonna be okay." He kissed the top of his head.

"Me too." Cas buries his face into Dean's shoulder causing his glasses to fall off. "We might actually get through this..."

Dean picks up the glasses and sets them aside. "There's no 'might'. We're gonna make it, Cas. If nothing else, we'll save each other." He squeezes Cas' shoulder a bit tighter, almost in a possessive manner.

Cas closes his eyes, enjoying the closeness, and wraps an arm around his waist to pull himself even closer. "Then we can live happily and not be worried that death is looming over out heads."

"Won't that be nice..." Dean closes his eyes, too, content with the moment, before lifting his head and looking down at Cas. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Dean..."

"I get the whole 'angels are God's tools and have emotions' and all, but when did you start? I mean, what was it like to feel something for me?"

Cas took a breath before answering. "To begin to feel for the first time was frightening. Having never felt compassion in my entire existence terrified me. I kept away from you for a while not long after we met because I've begun to feel fond of you. I thought it was a bad thing for an angel to feel this way. But the more interaction I craved to have with you, the less I could keep away."

"So, you started to feel this way and you never said anything?"

"I didn't understand what I was feeling. I didn't know what it meant to be fond of someone. I remember how terrified I was..."

"When did you stop? Being terrified..."

"I realized it was not such a bad thing after all just before I exploded.

Dean sat up in shock and looked to Cas with wide eyes. "Before you _exploded_?"

Cas' face was blank of any emotion. "Yes. The first time I died. When Raphael made me explode. I was with Chuck at the time..."

"Cas, that happened a long time ago. What happened? What was going through your head?"

"I thought since I loved humanity, then feeling the same emotions they experience shouldn't be a bad thing. Like I said, I thought fondly of you back then. I had yet to realize my true feelings for you."

"When _did_ you realize them?" Dean leaned back against the couch again, throwing his arm over Cas' shoulder.

"Oh. Well I wasn't exactly _sane_ at that point. It was before we were to kill Dick, and you told me you'd rather have me. Cursed or not."

Dean fidgeted where he sat, thinking. "...I think it was kinds about that time for me, too. I pretty much denied it for as long as I could before realizing that with everythin I've done, everything I _do,_ falling in love with an angel wouldn't be much different. But I was always skeptical, just the idea of it...it's intimidating."

Cas smirked. "I can see why. Angels are very intimidating and wrathful creatures."

Dean huffed out a small laugh. "Well, actually, I was intimidated by the idea that angels just didn't have feelings. I figured it'd be impossible for you to fall for me." He grinned and nuzzled his face in Cas' hair, hugging him closer as well. "I still think you're kind of adorable."

"Oh," Cas chuckles and holds him tighter. "Well, I thought you only liked women. There was a time I even considered changing vessels."

"You know, in hindsight, I don't think that would've worked. I can't picture you in any other form but this. Yeah, I've always like women, but you were genderless. And you know, with you, being a dude, I know how to pleasure you better." He smirked.

Cas blushes and smiles, ducking his head a bit. "Well, at least on of us is experienced in relationships."

"Hey, you're gaining experience. It's fun to teach you. Besides," He moved his lips over to his ear. "You're already a natural."

Cas blushes again. "But I did have one experience. With April."

"True, but guys are different from girls in a lot of ways."

"Yes, and she also tortured and killed me."

Dean sat there, exasperated for a moment. " _Yeah_ , that too. But that's not happening. I hope you know that already that's not how relationships work."

Cas looked up to Dean with a bitchface. "Of course, Dean. She was a reaper, after all. They kind of enjoy death."

"Yeah," Dean checks his watch. We've still got time before Sam shows up. What do you want to do."

Cas sat up, having an exciting idea in mind. "Lets go to a bar!"

Dean laughed at his enthusiasm over something so mundane. "Since when are you a fan of loud, smelly bars?"

"Since never. I just never actually sat down and appreciated the human culture that occurs at such a location."

Dean shrugs. "Alright, well if that's what you want to do, lets head out." Dean and Cas went to the Impala and pulled out Deans spare clothes from the back to change into. Dean enjoyed flustering Cas by saying how hot he looked in his clothes.

Once they arrive, they sit down at the bar and looked over the menus.

Cas looks down at the paper and squints. "Oh. I forgot the glasses."

"Crap, I did too." He leans closer to Cas. "What do you feel like having?"

"Burgers." Cas said without missing a beat. "And whatever drink you recommend."

"I recommend water for you. You're still sick." Cas smiled sheepishly at him while the waitress stopped by to take down their order. As they wait for their meal, both men enjoy reminiscing and talking about each other. They were having a good time, which was good considering this was there first date. But good things never last long for either of them.

Dean shut his eyes tightly and let out an irritated groan as he quickly developed a strong headache. Cas looks at him, his features laced with concern.

"Dean? Is everything okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine," He says a bit strained. "Just give me a sec." Dean quickly stands and collides with another patron who was holding a pint of beer. The amber liquid sloshed over the side of the glass and onto Dean's shirt. The man curses under his breath and walks away to where his friends were sitting and laughing at him. Cas grabs a napkin and begins to wipe up the beer that spilled on the bar.

Dean was not as calm as him. He became enraged. He could feel the mark fueling his anger and he knows he should stop and try to calm down, but he can't. He knew he wasn't leaving this bar without a fight.

 

 


	6. The Mark Takes Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mark of Cain causes Dean to screw up. Pretty damn badly. Cas had to pay the price for what he'd done, and nothing is okay. Well, things start looking forwards when they are alone, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT!! Yay. Hope you like!

"Dean? Is everything okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine," He says a bit strained. "Just give me a sec." Dean quickly stands and collides with another patron who was holding a pint of beer. The amber liquid sloshed over the side of the glass and onto Dean's shirt. The man curses under his breath and walks away to where his friends were sitting and laughing at him. Cas grabs a napkin and begins to wipe up the beer that spilled on the bar.

Dean was not as calm as him. He became enraged. He could feel the mark fueling his anger and he knows he should stop and try to calm down, but he can't. He knew he wasn't leaving this bar without a fight.

"Hey!" Dean shouted. "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" He clenched his firsts at his sides.

The other man simply scoffed and Cas tugged on Dean's shirt sleeve. "Dean. Sit. It's just beer..."

"No, Cas, this guy's being a douche!" He stomps over to where the man is and places a heavy hand on his shoulder, spinning him around. "Hey, Asshat! You want to do something about this?" He motioned down at his soggy shirt.

"Easy, Rambo," The man held up both of his hands in surrender. "Jus' some beer, man!" Cas stands back, not knowing whether to intervene or not.

Dean tightens his grip on the man's shoulder. "Yeah, it's just beer, all over my damn shirt!"

The man scoffed again. "Ever heard of a washing machine? Here they clean up stains real good." He said sarcastically. 

One of the mans friends stood up and places his hand on Dean's tense shoulder. "Easy, there, guy. It was an honest mistake." 

Dean yanks his shoulder out of his grasp. "Get your fucking hands off me!" He growled.

Cas stands up now, deciding that it has gone too far. "Dean... we should go... Sam could be back." He needed Dean to stop, and he really doesn't want to fight him if it comes down to it. 

Dean does hear Cas, but he's already lost all sense of reasoning and shoves the first guy harshly. "Freaking douchebag..."

"Dean!" Cas yells, this time. "Come on! Lets go!"

He still wasn't listening. Instead, he cracks a few hard throws against some jaws, fighting without a problem until a few more men jumped in to try to hold him back. That enrages Dean even more, and he begins to thrash about. But without any weapons, and with so many men holding him, they manage to throw him out the front door of the bar, letting him fall flat on his face. Dean groans as he stands back up, having every intention of going back in there and ripping some throats out, but his headache worsens, causing him to double over in pain. 

"Dean!" Cas had just ran out of the bar and to Dean's side. He helps steady him before looking at him in the eyes with a regretful expression. "I'm sorry, Dean." He whispers before taking two fingers to his forehead and knocks him unconscious. 

By the time Dean wakes up, he is in the bunker, in Cas' bed. Cas, himself, was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to him. His posture told him that the angel was exhausted. 

"Cas?" Dean groans as he slowly sits himself up. "...What happened?"

Cas turns his head to look over his shoulder at Dean. "You were in a fight." He said solemnly.

Dean brings a hand to his head and hisses at the slight pain of it. He looks to Cas in concern. "What did I do? I don't remember..."

"You beat two men to the point where they had to be taken to the hospital and I had to 'knock you out'." He sighed.

Dean instantly saddened. He caused him to use more of his powers. He now has less grace because of him. Dean begins to worry. "You had to use your powers?"

Cas avoids his gaze. "...Sam is here. He helped me carry you inside after I drove us back. He said he will give us time to talk before he sees you."

Dean was absolutely devastated. He did this to Cas. The angel he loves is going to die sooner because he couldn't control himself. "Cas... I'm so sorry. I fucked up everything. All this time, we finally go on a date together and I end up going ape-shit crazy. Cas, I'm so, _so_ sorry."

Cas looks back to him, his expression saddened. He runs a hand through Dean's hair in an attempt to comfort him. "It's okay, Dean. You can't control it. Like the way I can't control getting sick."

"It's not okay, though, Cas... I ruined everything and I can't even remember-" He suddenly stops and looks up to Cas, horrified, and reached out to tightly grip his shoulders. "I didn't hurt you, did I? Please, God, Cas, tell me I didn't lay a hand on you!"

"No, Dean, of course not." Cas lies down next to Dean, pulling him back down and throwing an arm over his waist to keep him settled. "I'm fine. I promise."

Dean relaxes a bit in his touch, but it doesn't completely soothe his nerves. "Christ, Cas, I'm so sorry. I'll control it better, I swear."

"It's okay. It's not your fault." Cas lies his head on Dean's chest. "It'll all be over with soon enough."

Dean lets his body go loose, and wraps his arms around his angel's shoulders, keeping him in place. "God, I hope so... I can't believe you needed to use your powers to stop me. After trying so hard to get you to preserve your grace, I end up being the blame for you using more."

"Well, I'm sure I could have gotten you to stop by physically fighting you, but I can't bring myself to harm you in any way."

"I don't want you to have to fight me, Cas. I never want you to have to, or use your powers on me. I never want you to be near me when I turn into a freaking rage machine. If I ever hurt you now-"

"You won't. I trust you. Those men also forgave you."

Dean furrowed his brow. "Why would they forgive me? What even happened? I barley remember standing up and getting drenched in beer before I blacked out."

"Well, the worst you did was break their noses. I stopped you before you could do any serious damage. And I told them that your 'demons' were catching up to you and you were having difficulty keeping them at bay. They understood." Cas hated lying to Dean. Those men were pissed. He had to pause time to get Dean in the Impala so that they wouldn't attack him while he was vulnerable. But that's not something Dean needs to know.

"I _broke their noses_? Jesus, Cas, how the hell did this happen? Did Sam say anything about the mark?"

"He didn't come back with any new research if that's what you mean."

Dean sighed. "I figured... and now I can't even control myself." He tightens his grip around Cas. "I don't know how we're gonna handle this, Cas."

"Neither do I but that doesn't mean we're going to stop trying."

"Yeah, I know." He drops his head to Cas' hair, breathing in his scent. "I still want you to make me that promise, Cas..."

Cas stopped for a moment to think. He pursed his lips. "...I promise. Only if you agree to end my life if necessary, too."

"...I'll promise you, too."

Cas sighs and nuzzles deeper into his neck. "Good."

Cas had every intent on sleeping, but Dean had other ideas. "...What's your favorite color, Cas?"

"...Um, I suppose it's green... What's yours?"

"...Either black or blue. Most likely blue... the color of your eyes." Both Dean and Cas blushed at that. Dean didn't mean for it to sound so 'girly'.

Cas looks up at his face. "Why did you want to know my favorite color? It's not like its important."

Dean smiles. "'Cause I'm thinking when we get through this in four months we should paint our room. I was just asking for suggestions."

Cas smiles back, adoration shining in his eyes. "With no bees, correct?"  


Dean nuzzles closer and grins. "No bees in the bedroom. Too many stingers to compete for your attention with."

The angel begins to chuckle, but it turns into coughing fit, forcing him to sit up to cough properly. Dean sits up beside him, concerned, and runs a soothing hand up and down his back. It takes several minutes until Cas is done.

"Cas, are you okay?" Dean knew he was very well not okay, but he didn't know what else to say. The coughing sounded as if pop rocks got stuck in mucus is lodged in his throat. He knows it will only get worse, and that this is nothing compared to what's to come.

Cas clears his throat before speaking. "Y-yes, I'm fine. Just a cough..." He whispers.

"Have you drunken anything lately?"

"Yes. I had water while talking to Sam. You were still unconscious at the time so you didn't notice my absence. Obviously."

Dean smiles softly and moves a hand to his hair, stroking it. "I'm proud of you, Cas. Thanks for remembering."

Cas sighs in contentment with Dean's touch and brings a hand to his face to caress his cheek. "I'm trying to be as healthy as I can."

The hunter leans into his touch, bringing his hand back down to rub small circles on his back. "I know you are. It makes me really glad you're doing what you can."

Cas smiles and leans his forehead against Dean's, gazing deep into his eyes. "I even had a snack. An apple. Apparently you're not supposed to eat the center, though."

Dean chuckles softly. "Did you try?"

"Yes. Sam ended up giving me a lecture on how to eat various fruits and vegetables properly. I found it grating."

"Sounds like him. But I'm glad you're starting to get the hang of it. It's good to take care of the small stuff."

Cas nods in agreement. "I do feel better than I did earlier today. But to be fair, I felt violently ill so this isn't much by comparison."

Dean wraps an arm around his waist, pulling his angel into his side. "Isn't much of a comparison, but at least you're feeling better. I can't imagine what it feels like..." Dean felt useless. There wasn't anything he could do for Cas. He loved him- cherished him, even, and yet they were lost on how to save him. He really didn't want Cas to die in such a horrible way. Not if there was anything he could do about it.

"Well, I assure you that you aren't missing out on much fun."

"I know. I wish I could just make you feel better for a while." He sighed and tightened his grip around Cas as if being closer to him would protect him from everything.

Cas looked to Dean with eyes filled with wonder. "You do more for me than you think, Dean. I am always much happier when I am with you." It was the truth. Even in the darkest of times, that man could bring a smile to his face. And it wasn't easy to get him to smile. Well, it is for Dean.

Dean smiles softly, hearing that. He leans closer to Cas, speaking low against his dry lips. "You have _no idea_ how much that means to me." He cups his face in one of his calloused hands and kisses him strongly and lovingly, sucking all the breath out of the angel's lungs.

Cas moans into the kiss and brings a hand to the back of Dean's head to deepen it, teasing his lips with his tongue. Dean opened and allowed the tongue inside, letting his own dance around it and wrestle with each other. Dean moves a hand to Cas' thigh, rubbing over it as he sucks on his tongue. Cas groans from deep in the throat, completely enjoying the attention his tongue was getting.

Two hands grab both of Dean's thighs which pulls him onto Cas' lap, both legs straddling his sides. He lets out a sound of surprise and pulls back slightly to smirk at him. "Like I said, you're a natural."

Cas replies with a sheepish grin and takes the advantage of the opportunity to suck at Dean's neck. He tilts his head back to give him better access, keeping both his hands on Cas' sides. The only noise was the sound of spit-slick lips sucking on skin and the grunts and sighs of Dean's approval.

"Damn, you're good at this, Cas..."

Cas simply grunts in reply, slipping both his hands under the hem of his shirt to slide them up his chest. Dean shivers at the touch and runs his hands up and down his sides. Cas pulls his shirt over his head and begins to worship his body with his fingers, feeling everywhere they could. He moves back up to kiss Dean on the mouth as he undoes 'his belt. Dean kisses his back harshly, grabbing the hem of his shirt, and pulling it off of him. Cas groans as he unbuttons and unzips the hunter's pants. Dean gives a small roll of his hips which gets Cas to groan in pleasure. Cas grabs his pants and shimmies them down to his mid-thigh. Dean shifts a bit to help as he takes his bottom lip between his teeth with a smirk, sending Cas a wink.

Seeing that as a challenge, Cas sticks his hand into his boxers and grabs the hard, thick length before him. Dean's eyes widen and gasps aloud, especially when Cas begins to jerk him off and nip at his neck for extra measure. He moans more and rolls his head back to give Cas more range as he grips his arms tightly. Cas' free hand makes its way behind him to grab a handful of his ass, moaning into his neck as he does so.

Dean returns the sound as he rolls his hips again, pressing himself up against Cas' clothed erection, and whispers in his ear in a low, husky voice. "You want to do me, don't you?"

Cas moans again, hearing that, and nods his head, rolling his hips to meet his. "Please, Dean..."

Dean grabs a handful of his hair and gently pulls his head back to gaze into his eyes. "Go for it." This will be Deans first time bottoming, but he trusts Cas. He knows he would never hurt him. 

Their positions are quickly flipped as Cas rolls them over, spreading Dean out across the bed. Dean gasps at the sudden change, but that quickly turns into another groan when he feels his weight on top of him. He instinctively spreads his legs wider, giving Cas more space between them. Cas takes the chance to fully remove both their pants and boxers, rolling their naked hips together once free of the restricting cloth. Dean's eyes roll into the back of his head at the feeling of their rock hard dicks moving together. It was amazing.

Cas takes both of their members at hand, lathering up his palm with both their pre-come. He makes sure his fingers are nice and slick before positioning them below Dean. He looks into his eyes.

"Ready, Dean?"

Dean looks down at him, nervous, but eager to watch. "Always, for you Cas."

Cas smiles and studies his face as he slowly pushes the first finger forwards, circling it around once it went as far as it could go. Dean gives off a sharp sound and exhales heavily, swallowing hard and nodding when Cas silently asked he should continue. Cas inserts the second finger and begins to scissor the tight hole open, grinning at the blissed out look on Dean's face. Once he enters the third finger, he quickly finds his prostate, rubbing against it unmercifully. Dean groans loudly and cants his hips downwards on the fingers. By the time Cas had his fourth finger in him, Dean was reduced to begging.

"C-come on, Cas..." He was now practically desperate to get fucked by his angel.

Cas slowly retracts his fingers and moves his hands back up to collect more pre-come from the both of them, and lathering it onto his dick as Dean mumbles something about buying some lube later. Once fully prepared, he positions himself below Dean and looks to him for the 'okay'.

Dean meets his eyes and smiles, reaching up to caress his beautiful face. "You've got this, angel."

Cas leans into the warm touch and slowly pushes forwards, stopping every once in a while to let the both of them have time to adjust. The feeling of being filled, especially by _Castiel ,_ had him moaning senseless. Knowing he was now _inside_ Dean, and feeling his tight hole clench around him had him biting down on his shoulder again to keep quiet.

Once he bottoms out, balls against ass, he pants, giving Dean time to get used to the feeling.

Dean breathes heavily for a moment before grinning up at his angel. "How's it feel, Cas?"

When Cas tries to answer, a groan escapes his mouth instead of actual words, causing Dean to chuckle. Then, Cas started moving.

He started out with a fast and firm pace fairly quickly, surprising Dean and causing him to gasp sharply as he grabs onto his shoulders. He cries out in pleasure, and thrusts his hips to meet Cas' pace. Cas bites down on his shoulder again (it's always the left, for some reason) and lets one of his hands slip between them to yank at Deans dick in time with his thrusts.

"Ah, Cas!" The sensations he was feeling was too much. The thrusting, the jerking, the biting, and the hard dick rubbing against his prostate had him blind with pleasure.

Feeling the heat coil in his belly, Cas picks up the pace, knowing he won't last much longer. Dean lets out a small moan (it was more like a squeak, though) with every thrust, still holding onto those shoulders tightly as he screws his eyes shut and throws his head back against his pillow, climaxing hard and fast between the two of them, Cas' name leaving his lips as he shouts in pleasure.

Feeling Dean tighten around his dick washed Cas over his edge; he came with a shout inside of him, making sure _not_ to be bighting down on Dean for that. Dean groans one final time as he felt himself being filled up with Cas' warmth. After that, they both lay clenching each other as they try to catch their breath. 

Cas pulls out after a few minutes, and begins to lick Dean clean, he tongue roaming everywhere his come had been, and loving the noises Dean made as he worked. Once completed, he lied back on top of Dean in contempt. Dean brushes a hand through the angels hair and kisses his face. 

"How do I taste, Cas?"

Cas hums, smiling. "Never tastes anything better."

Dean chuckles and lays his arms over his waist loosely. "How was it?" He was referring to the sex, of course.

A huff of laughter escapes Cas as he tried to think of the correct words to say. "One of the most extraordinary acts I've ever participated in within my _very_ long life."

Dean smiles, hearing that, and nuzzles his grin into his messy hair. "That good, huh? Forget having experience, you were _incredible_." He meant it, really. He's never had sex as good as when he has it with Cas.

Cas chuckles and buries his head into his shoulder sheepishly. "I just did what you did when we had sex for the first time."

"Well, maybe I'm just an awesome teacher, then."

"Mhm," Cas agrees as he begins to kiss at the bruises littering Dean's neck. "By the way, Sam is still waiting to talk to you."

Deans eyes widen a bit. "...Crap. Think he heard anything?"

"It depends... Are the walls of the bunkers soundproof at all?"

"Not the bedroom walls."

"Oh. Well, we were fairly loud. He even specifically told me to tell you that we can't have sex while he's around."

"W-" He looks down at Cas, surprised. "He said that and you still tried to seduce me?"

Cas shrugs. "I forgot. I completely forgot about the world outside this door."

"I guess it wasn't hard to..." He grins and hold Cas closer to him. "Wish he could forget about it all the time."

"I know. But we can't. Go talk to Sam. I will go shower." Cas kisses Dean passionately on the lips before getting up and heading to the bathroom. Dean chuckles as he quickly throws on his clothes, and leaves the room to go and talk with his brother.

 

 

 


	7. The Insisting of Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean have a chat about Dean and Cas. Mostly about Cas, though. Sam sees something in Cas that Dean had missed, causing his heart to tear into two. Dean is beginning to lose hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for those reading this! Youre kinda really awesome!

Cas shrugs. "I forgot. I completely forgot about the world outside this door."

"I guess it wasn't hard to..." He grins and hold Cas closer to him. "Wish he could forget about it all the time."

"I know. But we can't. Go talk to Sam. I will go shower." Cas kisses Dean passionately on the lips before getting up and heading to the bathroom. Dean chuckles as he quickly throws on his clothes, and leaves the room to go and talk with his brother.

Dean pads into the library, fully dressed, though, going by his hair, it was obvious he had sex. Sam was sitting at one of the tables, reading a book. As Dean made his way to him he hoped he didn't hear him and Cas banging in their room (it is now 'theirs' since Dean's room is inhabited by insects).

"Hey, Sammy..."

Sam throws him the bitchface. "Really, Dean? I asked you _not_ to fuck when I'm here."

"..Damn it.." He sighs heavily and sits across from his brother. "Look, we didn't plan it or anything. Plus, Cas forgot to say anything about it and I've been dazed on killing-juice."

Sam sighs. "Yeah, that's something we also need to talk about." He marked his place in the book and pushed it aside for later. He folds his arms on the table and gives Dean a stern look.

"Alright, well let's talk. Got anything?"

"No." He rubs his face, exhausted from all of his researching. "Nothing. I'm hoping you've had better luck."

Dean throws his hands up in exasperation. "Nada. All the books in this place talking about curses and various kinds of marks, and _nothing_ even came close to this Cain crap."

"And what about Cas? Anything that can help him?"

"Yeah, thank God for this book he found." Dean gets up and retrieves the angel book from its place on the shelf and brings it over to Sam, flipping it open to the page that made their breakthrough. "Reverse spell. He was so excited when he found it, he accidently knocked his head on the book I was holding." A fond smile ghosts over Dean's lips.

Sam quirks a smile. Dean has changed dramatically since he'd left. He seems... well, happier, for lack of a better word. He doesn't seem like a bomb that could blow at any moment. Dean is calm and content, all thanks to Cas.

"So, we just need the spell itself and Cas is as good as new. How is he doing, by the way?" Sam remembers when he was sick as a kid, Dean always took such good care of him. Cas couldn't have anyone better to look after him.

Dean's small smile drops. "...He's been alright, I guess. Been having some flu-like symptoms; coughing, sneezing, dehydration..."

Sam rubs his chin, in thought. "How long did he say he has?"

"Four months, theoretically... But if he keeps using his powers it's gonna go a hell of a lot faster. Earlier, he... he threw up some grace..."

Sam's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "What? How can that even happen? And he used his powers on you earlier, so what will that do to him?"

"Well, its not exactly _grace_ anymore, its like ash. Like angel exhaust or something. He can't keep it in his vessel so he's gotta chuck it up every couple of weeks."

Sam grimaces. "...Gross. And about his powers?"

"...I don't know. I suppose he just dies a little sooner than four months. That's why our plan A is to figure out this damn spell and fix his grace."

"In the meanwhile... I don't think you should leave the bunker. I'm sorry, Dean, but you are kinda unpredictable."

Deans face drops. "Wait- Sam. Come on, I've got to go. We've got to find out what these ingredients are, and probably summon Crowley. And Cas says Metatron is still a threat, even from his cell in heaven. I can't stay here!"

Sam crosses his arms over his chest. "Well, someone needs to look after Cas for when he gets worse. And you can summon Crowley here, in the dungeon. You can do that."

"Sam, I was at the bar with Cas and I beat two guys into the hospital. I blacked out, I had no idea what was going on. If I do that again, and Cas starts getting _worse_..."

"And that's why you're going to stay here. To keep yourself from screwing up and to take care of Cas. He'd rather have you watch over him than me."

"What if I hurt him, Sammy? What if something happens and I can't control it." Dean wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing he's harmed Cas in any way. It would break him.

"I'm sure you wouldn't do anything to Cas. He trusts you with his life. And even in his current state he is still stronger than you."

"Yeah, he's stronger for now. Sam, there are bees in my room because I'd rather deal with that then see him use his powers, and yet I was the reason he had to. Do you know this was our first date? He was _so excited_ , and it should have been perfect him, but I _ruined_ that." Dean rubs at his eyes in frustration, feeling so guilty for what he'd done.

Sam gawks at him for a moment. "Bees? Is... is that a metaphor for something?"

Dean sighs, irritated with the world. "No, Sam, there are actual, _live bees,_ **swarming** in my bedroom."

"...Okay, I'm lost. _Why_ are there bees in your room in the first place?"

"Forget the bees, Sam! What's important here is that Cas is sick, alright, he's really sick and I'm not making him any better." Dean's voice cracks as he speaks. "I'm making him worse! Both literally and metaphorically!"

Sam sighs and looks to his brother with a serious glare. "Dean, listen. You _are_ helping him. You just being there is probably making him happy. And him using his powers on you? Let's just make sure that was a one time thing, okay?"

"I don't know how to make it a one time thing, Sammy. It shouldn't have been a thing at all!"

"It happened when a stranger pissed you off, so lets keep you from running into strangers by keeping you here." He glared at Dean pointedly, trying to convince him to agree.

Dean inhales slowly as he thinks it over. "Yeah, you're right. I need to stay." He nodded in affirmation. 

Sam rewards him with a small smile. "Good. Glad you're on board with that. And about the bees...?"

A smile quickly took over Dean's face.  "Cas wanted homemade honey 'cause it's 'environmentally friendly'."

"Oh," Sam chuckles. "Yeah, that sounds like something he'd do back when he was insane."

Dean pursed his lips, not finding Sam's comment to be funny. "Well, he's not, he just so happens to like bees. I wouldn't be surprised if he had names for them all."

Sam huffs out a dry laugh, then frowns, going into thought. "You sure? I mean, are you sure he's, you know, sane? He is getting sick, wouldn't be surprised if his brain went sick, too."

Dean stiffens. " _Don't_ say that." He growls at Sam. He pauses a moment and sighs, rubbing his forehead. "Look, from what I can tell, he's fine upstairs in his head. Don't tell me he might not be. If he's not then what we've got-... He's fine."

Sam gives Dean another pointed look. "Dean, he's anything _but_ fine. Insane or sane."

Dean shoots a heated glare back. "He's _mentally_ fine. I know the difference between Crazy Cas and the real Cas, and Crazy Cas was sayonara ages ago."

"Yeah, well, maybe he's not fully there yet." Sam shrugs. "He could be getting slowly crazier by the day. I mean, really? In what world would a sane Castiel think it's a good idea to put _bees_ in a bedroom? He's not an idiot, Dean."

"He meant to put them in the kitchen, he just... lost them for a bit." Dean avoids Sam's stare.

Sam throws him another bitchface. "Right, Dean, because wanting to put bees in the kitchen makes it _so_ much better."

"Shove off, Sam! You don't know what you're thinking."

"Neither did he, apparently."

Dean stands up, enraged by Sam's theory that was now starting to give him a massive headache. "What the fuck is your problem? Why the hell do you want to make things worse?" He shouted.

Sam stands up, more calmly than his brother. "Dean, I'm not trying to make things worse! You want Cas to be ok so you ignore the signs of his insanity! I'm just trying to open your eyes, dammit!"

"I'm not ignoring anything!" He points his finger harshly at Sam. " _You_ haven't been here, you haven't seen what I've seen and you don't know him like I do!"

"I can see the obvious signs! You're willing to unconsciously ignore them because _you want him to be okay!_ " Sam couldn't stress it enough. He _needs_ Dean to understand.

"Dammit, Sam!" Deans face was red with rage. "There are no signs because he's fine in his head! You're damn right I want him to be okay, and at the end of this I want him to stay with me!" He steps forwards and shoves Sam roughly.

Sam staggers, but stayed on his feet. He looked at his brother worriedly and took a defensive posture. "Okay, Dean. Calm down. I'm just trying to help."

Tears were now brimming in Dean's eyes. "I'm not gonna calm down! You're not helping, Sam, you're making it worse! If Cas were even a little screwed up, it would mean he wouldn't know what he's doing. So what if he likes bees? So what he might actually like _me,_ Sam?!"

Sam's eyes soften now that he understands. Dean is afraid Castiel doesn't truly love him. He's afraid the real Cas wouldn't feel this way about him. He is afraid of his heart being broken by the angel he loves. 

"Dean... Cas has _always_ loved you. I've always known. It's kinda obvious by the way he looks at you when you turn the other way. Him being crazy wouldn't change how he feels about you."

The first tear makes its way down Dean's cheek. "How do you know that? How do you know anything?! Cas is dying on me, Sam, and I'm not gonna be able to take it if he dies. If I can't save him, I'm gonna wish I'd never saved myself! He doesn't deserve this, Sam! He doesn't deserve to die!" Dean clenches his fists and slam one against the wall, breaking into the drywall before even realizing what he'd done.

"Dean! Cas is going to be okay! He's going to live, and you can save him. You just need to get your head on straight."

Dean pants, calming down a bit now that he's taken some of his anger out on the wall. He places a hand on his forehead, wincing at the pounding. "I'm sorry..."

Sam relaxes. "It's okay, Dean. I understand how hard it must me. I'm here for you and Cas."

Dean sits back in his chair, burying his head in his hands, focusing on a thought for a moment before turning to look at Sam. "Always a hell of a situation... I know you're just trying to help, Sam,"

Sam sits back in his seat, relieved that Dean has settled down. "Now, I'm not saying that he _is_ crazy, but we can at least test him, okay?"

"Alright... How do you wanna do this?"

Sam sighs for a moment and thinks. "I don't know... Ask him questions that you've asked him in the past. See is his answers are different."

"People change, Sam. How is that gonna prove anything?"

"I don't know, Dean..." He rubs his forehead, exasperated. "Ask him about lipstick or board games. He seemed into those back when he was crazy."

Dean sighs, unsure if he really wanted to find out if Cas was crazy or not. "...Alright. I'll ask him what I can, but I'm not going to pressure him. He's handling enough on his plate as it is."

"I know. And I do care about what he's going through. He's still my friend."

"I know that, too." Dean releases a sigh, this one heavier than the rest. "Hear anything from Charlie?"

"She said she'll look into it- both your problem and Cas'... But I've been thinking, man. Maybe we should summon Crowley and question him. Might be easier."

"That's what I've been saying, bitch. Don't be so smug thinking it was your idea."

"Alright, fine. It was your idea. But maybe you should check on Cas. I was in the middle of research when you came in and I want to finish it."

"Okay," Dean grunts as he stands, his ass still feeling a little sore from earlier, but he likes the feeling. It reminds him that Cas was _in_ him. The thought had his dick twitching in his pants. "I'm sure he heard us shouting and is probably worried by now... We need to invest in thicker walls."

"Or maybe you should practice abstinence." Sam mumbles as he flips his book back open.

"Sam, it's sex- _with an angel_. Turning it down seems unholy."

"God, Dean, _please_ , I _don't_ need to know that."

Dean smirks as he swaggers out of the room. "Then don't inquire."

"Just please don't have sex again!" Sam shouted after Dean.

"No promises!"

Dean steps a little hesitantly into the room, giving the door a pointless knock. Cas tilts his head and locks eyes with his as he enters the room.

"Dean. How did your talk go with Sam. I thought I heard yelling."

Dean closes the door behind him and leans against it. "It was alright, Cas. Just trying to figure out what the next part of the plan is..."

"I see. Come here." Cas holds an outstretched hand in his direction, giving him a half smile.

Dean furrows his brow as he links their fingers together and sits down next to him, thighs touching. Cas' smile grows as he leans his head on his shoulder.

"Sorry, I just wanted to sit with you." Dean could hear the smile in Cas' voice. It causes him to smile, too, and he wraps an arm around his waist, resting his head on top of the messy mop of hair.

"Don't apologize, Cas. Just ask and I'd be happy to."

"Good." Cas nuzzles closer, clinging to Dean with both arms. After years of pining after him, he was reluctant to keep his hands off him. "So did Sam come up with anything?"

"Nothing we didn't already know, and Charlie's still looking. We decided we're gonna summon Crowley to figure out this reverse spell."

Cas lifts his head to look at Dean. "Really? You think he will help?"

"I think he owes us enough and we'll make him help, and I'm willing to take those odds."

"And if he double crosses us?"

Dean worried his lip between his teeth. "...I'll make him wish he hadn't."

"I just don't want you to get hurt." Cas shuffles away from Dean to lie down across the bed, facing him.

Dean mirrors his position, but leans on his elbow, and glances down at him. "I'm going to be fine. By now, the way he works with deals, Crowley knows he owes me. He can't touch me."

"He better not." Cas nuzzles into his side, seeking his warmth. "Dean, I'm cold."

Dean dropped an arm to Cas' back to stroke it. "Would you like me to grab you a blanket?"

"Or you could get off the one we are currently lying on top of."

Dean scoffs as he stood. "My bad, next time I'll just stand next to you."

Cas chuckles as he shimmies beneath the covers. He looks to Dean, his eyes gleaming with happiness. "No need to stand anymore." Dean outstretches his arms with a shrug and a grin and falls on top of the angel, engulfing him in his arms. Cas laughs and squirms beneath his weight, failing to slip his arms out from under the blanket.

Dean laughs and folds his arms over top of Cas' chest and smirks down at him. "Looks like you're trapped."

Cas wiggles around some more, trying to find a way out. Finding none, he went limp and sighed in defeat. "I will have my revenge on you, Winchester."

Dean grins from ear to ear. "Oh yes, the Chrysler-sized wrath of celestial intent. I might be more afraid of you if you could use your arms."

That earns him a glare. "Well I still have my legs." Cas was able to lift his legs out from under the covers and wrap them around Dean's waist, flipping them over so that he was the one on top.

Dean lay stunned for a moment, surprised at the change of positions, but quickly thinks of a plan. "Are angels ticklish?" Before he gave the chance for Cas to respond, his hands dart to his vulnerable sides and begins tickling him relentlessly. Cas instantly squirms, laughing, as he tries to pull his arms away. "Hm, apparently they are." Dean was able to dodge Cas' hands and tickle him up and down his sides. He enjoyed watching him squirm.

Cas rolls off of him, laughing, and tries to use his legs to put distance between themselves. Dean lets him escape but was able to evade his long, and flexible legs, and straddle him, pinning him to the mattress. 

"So about that wrathful intent..."

Cas growls playfully before leaning up to kiss his soft lips. Dean complies, kissing him back strongly before pulling back out of his reach. Cas tries to follow, but whines once he was out of range. 

"Dean!"

Dean grins and kisses him again before pulling back out of reach. He enjoyed teasing Cas and watching him beg with his eyes. "Aw, sorry Cas. Looks like you're stuck good this time."

Cas scowls at him. "You are the definition of evil."

"Yeah, well I was your choice. Not a popular pick among angels..."

"Well, I'm one of the few angels that ever even wanted to participate in an intimate relationship. I had billions of humans to choose from and I am content with my pick."

Dean lets out a cocky smirk. "Hm, and who might that be."

"Sam."

Dean scoffs in confusion and exasperation. " _Sam_?"

The angel smiles. "I made a joke." He begins to laugh, obviously finding his joke very amusing.

Dean scoffs again and shakes his head with a grin plastered on his face. "You're lucky I love you." He surveys the body beneath him. "But I guess not so lucky considering you're still trapped."

Castiel pouts. "Then no kisses for you."

"I can get a kiss if I want one, you're stuck here."

Cas turns his head, refusing to look at Dean. "None for you. I've been in worse situations and held out fine. So good luck with that,"

Dean smirks. "No matter what I say or do you're not gonna kiss me?"

"That's right,"

"Hm, lets see then..." Dean leans down, bringing his lips to Cas' ear. "I need you Cas." He said in a husky, deep voice.

Cas licks his lips and squirms a bit before shaking his head, "No, Dean. Not going to happen."

Dean starts to sing the chorus to the song 'Angel' by Aerosmith. "Baby, You're my angel. Come and save me tonight. You're my angel. Come and make it all right..."  


"Dean..." Cas tries to push him away again. He felt himself quickly giving in to Dean's charm.

The hunter keeps his weight on Cas, and pulls back slightly, bringing his lips to brush against his as he spoke. "What's the matter, _angel_?"

Cas lets out one final whine before crumbling and leaning upward to kiss Dean hard on the mouth. Dean eagerly reciprocates the kiss, smirking in victory, before pulling back again to speak against his lips.

"Looking forward to that revenge thing you were talking about."

Cas growls again and surges forward, kissing Dean relentlessly, prying his mouth open with his tongue to slip inside. Dean kisses back harshly, battling his tongue against Cas', and enjoying every second of it.

But then Cas pulls away quickly, jerking his head to the side to evade Dean's chasing lips. "D-Dean! Stop!" He uses his hands to try to push him away.

The man instantly pulls back, looking to him in concern, and fearing that he had hurt him in some way. "What's wrong, Cas?"

Cas curls in on himself, away from Dean as a rough cough racks its way through his body. It is followed by a horrid coughing fit. Dean quickly helps him sit up so he could cough better, rubbing his hand over his back to try to soothe him as much as possible. Once it finally passes, he cards his fingers through his hair.

"Cas, are you alright?"

The angel clears his throat and nods, avoiding eye contact. "Sorry. And, uh, yes, I'm fine." His voice was more gravelly than it was before the coughing fit.

Dean pulls him close, gently turning his head with a finger to have him look at him. "Hey, don't apologize," He said soothingly. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

Cas nods and leans into his touch. "So... did you tell Sam about the bees?"

Dean grins a bit. "Yeah, he thought it was a metaphor at first."

Cas lets out half a smile. "I can see why. He probably wasn't expecting bees in any of the rooms."

Dean thought that now would be as good as ever to test Cas of his mental state. He was desperately helping he was okay. "Yeah, neither was I... Hey, Cas? Do you...collect honey anymore?"

"Of course, Dean. What is the point of having bees if you don't harvest the honey. I went to get some while you were with Sam."

Dean blinks in surprise. "That fast?"

"I was mostly testing the honey. Sticking a finger in each hive to give it a taste check."

"I don't see how you can waltz in there in a barrage of stingers and be totally cool with it. Doesn't it freak you out? Like at all?"

"No. I like the bees. The bees like me."

Dean paused before asking one of his questions. "...Did you name the bees, Cas?" It seems like something Crazy Cas would do.

Cas brings a finger to his own chin, in thought. "Lets see... There is Aphrodite, Phillip, Morgan, Benjamin, Thomas, Pluto, and Harrington."

"...Why did you name specifically seven?"

Cas shrugs. "I didn't feel like naming all 738 of them."

Deans eyes widened until they couldn't grow any further. "73- Cas, there are _738_ bees in my room?"

Cas nods. "I was fairly surprised, as well. I expected there to be more..."

Dean remains silent for a moment, afraid to ask the next question. "Cas, do you know anything about lipstick?"

The angel quirks an eyebrow. "Of course. I know a lot about it. And the poor apes they test the product on..."

"What types of lipsticks?"

"...The kind you put on lips?"

"...Alright. What about board games, Cas?"

Cas perks up and raises his head to look at Dean. "Why did you want to play one?"

Dean shrugs. "Maybe. I haven't played in years but I'm stuck here for a while. What's your favorite game?"

"Sorry. Technically, we never finished our game."

Dean swallows. "We could play that... any other?" He said in a quiet voice.

Cas' eyes were brimming with excitement. "Well, I've always wanted to play Monopoly. I would like to be the thimble when we play. What do you want to be?"

Dean rubbed his face. "I, uh, I guess I'll be the car." He gives Cas a small smile. "I'll get you the games, Cas."

Cas smiled wide and gave Dean a hug. "Thank you, Dean."

He rubbed his back for a moment before pulling away. "You thirsty? I could get you some water..."

"I suppose I could have some."

"Alright, buddy, I'll be right back." Dean gave him a kiss on the forehead before getting up and leaving the room.

Dean does go into the kitchen, but he doesn't head for the cupboards that hold the cups. He makes his way to the back wall, and leans against it, covering his face with both of his hands. Its true. Castiel is going insane. His mind was broken. Again. A sob escapes Dean as he slides down the wall and onto the ground. He curls in on himself, wrapping hiss arms tight around his knees and cries into his forearms. This changes everything. What if Cas doesn't truly love him? What if he is only acting so affectionate because he's not thinking straight? There were _so many_ 'what ifs' that it caused Dean to breakdown. But the horrible part of  this is that Cas is only going to get worse. If 'crazy' for him now is enjoying board games and bees, then what will be 'crazy' for him in the weeks to come?

They need to find that spell. _Fast_.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dramatic noises*


	8. Bucket List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas get an exciting call from Sam, raising their hopes, maybe just a little too high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K so there is a joke that I found on Tumblr that was about Dean 'n Cas going to a church and seeing a painting of an angel, which Dean points out, and Cas says its him. I included it in this chapter cause I thought it was cute, but the joke is not mine. Props to whoever made it.

It has been two weeks. Two weeks since Castiel had to use his powers on Dean. He now has three months left.

Cas had been getting slightly worse by the day. He runs frequent fevers, constant headaches, dizziness, etc., etc. His mind hasn't been sane much as of late. It really shouldn't be called 'insanity' because he acts more child-like than insane asylum crazy. But Cas can still be his old self at times. It is as if he has two personalities that will randomly switch off at any given time.

Dean has also been getting headaches. But this is due to his anger and frustration at the fact that he can't find no damn spell to help either of them. He hasn't had an outburst yet since he doesn't want to risk shortening Cas' life even further, so he has been on his best behavior for the past couple of weeks.

Currently, Sam was out searching for Cas' spell. Meanwhile, Dean and Cas were reading some lore on ancient demonic markings. They have been reading all morning and it has been stressful. Cas' head was in order at the moment, so he was helping with research while he could. Dean was becoming frustrated, and shut his book harshly, and rubbing his face with an irritated groan.

Cas takes off the glasses and sets them on the table. "Dean? Are you okay?"

Dean sighed heavily. "No, Cas, I'm not. We aren't finding _shit_ and I feel like were accomplishing nothing by just sitting on our asses here in the bunker. I mean, we haven't even tried to summon Crowley yet because Sam wants to be here for it!"

"Lets take a break from researching. Relax a bit."

"I don't know," He pinched the bridge of his nose to fight off his headache. "What do you suggest?"

Cas didn't have to think for long. "We could try yoga. I hear it helps with stress." Ah, yes. The craziness was returning. Dean grimaced. He was always patient with him and never snapped. He was always kind and caring when he loses his mind. But he still hates it when it happens. It pains him to see the serious, stick-up-the-ass angel he once knew be so... childish.

Dean gave Cas a small smile. "Hm, I don't think so, buddy. People aren't meant to bend that way."

"What about gardening? I find being around nature quite soothing."

"You know, I'm not much of an outdoors guy. Maybe we could lay on the couch."

Cas smiled and rose out of his chair and approached Dean, holding out a hand. Dean returned the smile and grasped his hand, standing up and following him to the couch. Dean surprised Cas by lifting him up by the waist and fell onto his back on the couch, Cas on his belly. The angel laughed as they collapsed, clinging to Dean like a squirrel on a tree. Once they were settled on the couch comfortably, Cas began to litter Dean's face with kisses to lower his stress. It certainly helped.

Eventually the two fell asleep, content in each others arms. Dean woke when he heard moaning- and not the sexy kind. He quickly lifts his head to see Cas sitting up on his lap with a hand pressed to his forehead.

Dean reaches out to him, sitting up, and gently placed a hand on the back of his neck. "Cas, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Cas begins to shake his head, but winces, drawing his movement to a halt. He speaks instead. "No. My head. It hurts. Really bad." Dean could hardly hear him talk. But he heard enough. He stood up, scooping Cas up in his arms and takes him to the kitchen were he settles him down on one of the counters.

"You probably have a migraine." Dean says lowly. He walks back over to the door where the light switch is so he could shut off the lights. "Is that better?"

"Yes. A bit."

Dean nods and heads to the medicine cabinet to retrieve some pills that will ease the pain, and fetched a glass of water to go with it. He hands both to Cas, who doesn't need to be told what to do when both items are placed in his hands. He downs the pill in one go, but finishes the rest of the water anyways.

Once Cas sets the empty glass aside, he stares down at his lap, thinking. "Dean... I'm getting worse..."

Dean gently strokes his cheek, his other hand resting on his thigh. "I know, Cas. We're going to make it through this. I'll get Sam to help with the summoning when he gets back... we'll start getting some answers."

Cas avoided his loving stare. "I know, but everything already hurts... I'm scared for when it will get even worse."

"Hey, its gonna be alright." Dean steps closer, pressing his forehead to Cas', and holding his face with both his hands. "You're strong, Cas. You're so much stronger than you think sometimes. I know it hurts, and I'm gonna do everything I can to stop the pain, but you can do this, Cas. You just need to hold on..."

Cas grips at the front of his shirt and lets out a shaky breath and nods. "I-I've been through worse. I can do this."

Dean quirks a sad smile. "I know you can. I know you can do this, Cas..."

The angel sets his jaw. "I'm sorry," He wipes his dewy eyes. "I'm just having another breakdown. I'm fine." 

Dean gently removes Cas' hands from his chest so he could hold him tight, having no room between their chests. "Don't say that, Cas, and don't apologize. I'm here for you, no matter what, so if you need to cry, cry. I'm going to be right here and I'm not going to let go until you're okay."

Cas wraps his arms tightly around his back, clinging tight, and buries his head in his shoulder as he begins to sob against him, body shaking. Dean rubs his hands up and down his back, trying to soothe him as much as he could. He moves one of his hands to Cas' hair so he could card his fingers through it, and place a soft kiss on his head.

Cas pulls back with a sniffle after several minutes and grimaces at the sight of Dean's shoulder. "Sorry. I got tears in your shirt..."

Dean rubs a thumb over his cheek, brushing the leftover tears away. "Don't worry about it, Cas, it's just a shirt. What's important to me is that you are okay."

Cas was about to respond, but a sharp ringing interrupted him. Dean curses as he pulls his cell phone out of his pocket, slightly irritated that whoever was calling had ruined a tender moment for the two of them. As he listens to who speaks on the phone, his brow furrows, and then his features suddenly lighten. 

His pleased reaction to whatever was being said had Cas tilting his head in curiosity. "What is it, Dean?"

Dean holds a finger up to him, signaling to him that he will tell him once he's through with the call. "Yeah, we'll be there. On our way." Dean ends the call and looks to Cas' with disbelief written all over his face. "Sam's got a lead on your reversal spell."

Cas was also surprised, if the look on his face was anything to go by. "What? What did he find?"

"Some ancient scripture, apparently. Some religion museum with a major section on angel lore."

Cas' eyes instantly lighten. "We get to visit a museum?! That should be enjoyable."

"...You nev- right, human culture. Stupid question. Come on." Dean grabs him by the waist and sets him on his feet.

Cas rests his hands on his chest, smiling up at him. "So where is this museum? Is this a road trip?" It was obvious that he was more excited about playing tourist than the reversal spell itself. 

Dean was a bit surprised by the excitement. He certainly wasn't expecting it. "I mean. it's a bit of a drive, but... you want to go on a road trip?" He never thought that Cas would ever be interested in travel by car.

But the angel nods enthusiastically anyways. "It would seem like fun. Can I sit in the front with you?"

"Yeah, of course... but when did you decide that? I mean I never thought you'd want to go on, like, an  _actual_ road trip." 

Cas shrugs. "I've been having a lot of spare time to think. And I heard it was common for people to make a 'bucket list' to complete before their death."

"Do you have a bucket list?"

"I'm in the process of making one. It is not a very long list."

Dean shifts on his feet. "Well, what's on it?"

"Mmm, let me think... I've never been to a fair, I'd like to go to a zoo, and I'd like to have a cat."

"A cat?"

Cas nods with a small smile. "Yes. They seem like a suitable animal companion."

Dean quirks a smile at him. "I think we could manage that neat little list."

Cas' smile breaks into a toothy grin and he leans up to kiss him, Dean eagerly returning it with equal force. "Thank you, Dean. Now, should we pack?"

"Maybe a couple days worth of stuff should be fine."

Cas nods in affirmation. "Alright. Do we need anything besides clothes? Should we bring Monopoly?"

"Do you want to play Monopoly?"

Cas' face was serious. "Of course. I feel as if it might be of use for us. And I would like to play as the top hat this time."

Dean smiles. "Alright, then make sure you bring the game. I'll go pack our stuff." He pats Cas on the shoulder before leaving the kitchen, heading to their room. Cas went to the library to retrieve the game. By the time Dean was finished packing, Cas was already ready for him outside of the Impala. waiting expectantly.

"All ready to go, buddy?" Dean asks. Cas responds by nodding and hopping into the front seat of the car, setting Monopoly in the back seat gently.

By the time Dean pulls the car out of the bunker's garage, Cas had a question on his mind. "What state did you say Sam was in again?"

"Indiana. It's an old Cathedral Library, oldest in the state, and keeps a record on both historical and church related artifacts and lore."

"Okay, sounds good." Cas leans back against the seat and stares out the window.

"What kind of cat do you want?" Dean glances over at Cas as he asks.

"You'd really let me have a cat?" The angel looked to him in disbelief. He was sure Dean didn't like animals- especially pets.

The hunter shrugs. "I don't see why not. We've got room in the bunker, and it'd make you happy, wouldn't it? I'm sure Sammy won't mind much..."

"But you're allergic. Won't it bother you?"

"They're not my favorite things, but I can handle it. They make medicine for it, anyways." If it means Cas will be happy, Dean would be willing to put up with the sneezing, coughing, and itchiness of allergies for however long it takes.

Cas thinks for a moment. "In that case, I would like one of those cats that has no hair."

Dean furrows his brow as he gives him a look. "A _hairless_ cat? Those things are weird, Cas. I'd rather deal with the sneezing."

"Dean, don't discriminate against cats based on their appearances."

"Cas, come on, you'd seriously want a cat without fur?"

"Yes. I don't see a problem with it. No shedding or grooming required."

Dean sighs in defeat. "Alright. We'll look into it. What are you gonna name it?"

Cas shrugs. "It depends on its personality. We will see once we get it. How long until we reach Sam?" Cas asked, with a yawn following.

"Few hours 'til Indiana. Why don't you rest a bit? Might be a nice counter to your migraine, earlier."

Cas smiles and nods, agreeing with him. He lays down across the seat, setting his head on Dean's thigh. Dean turns the music off so it wouldn't bother his sleeping angel, and he lays an arm over his shoulder as he smiles down at him for a quick moment before he had to return his eyes to the road. Cas lightly snores throughout the drive, occasionally twitching, and snuggling closer.

Once they arrive to the museum, Dean gently cards his fingers through Cas' hair as he spoke softly into his ear. "Cas... wake up, angel... we're here."

Said angel murmurs in his sleep and rolls onto his stomach in an attempt to block out all life. Dean chuckles lightly and gently shakes his shoulder. "Come on, Cas... sooner we figure this out, the sooner we get you a cat."

That woke him up. Cas slowly lifts his head from his lap, squinting his eyes in the bright sunlight. "Dean... where are we?"

"Vincennes, Indiana. The religious museum."

"Oh," Cas sits up, rubbing his eyes. "I slept the whole time?"

Dean gave him a kiss on the forehead. "It was more of a milk run than a road trip. Maybe you can stay awake on the way back and we'll actually plan a road trip sometime."

"Okay," Cas smiles and yawns. "Is Sam here yet?"

"Should be. Haven't heard from him. Either way, better start looking."

They both exit the car and join each other at the front of the hood. Dean wraps an arm around Cas' waist, who rests his head on his shoulder. As they step into the museum, they look around for any sign of Sam. Dean instead sees an interesting painting depicting angels, and points out one in particular, smiling.

"This one looks like you, Cas." He meant it as a joke.

"That is me, Dean."

Dean's eyes go completely wide and does a double take, unsure of how to respond. "That's _you_?"

Cas nods and points to the angel beside him in the painting. "That one is Uriel. We were good companions back then."

"How many angels do you know in this picture?"

"All of them. There are my brothers and sisters, after all."

Dean stares at the painting for a while longer, still trying to wrap his mind about it before turning to Cas with a smirk. "Guess you were always adorable."

Cas blushes and glances around the room full of people, none paying them any mind. "It's strange to think that these people are here to read and learn about angels and yet they fail to realize one is among them."

Dean brings a calloused hand to his face, his thumb stroking over his cheek. "Well, lucky for me because then I would have to compete for your attention."

Cas smiles and looks into those green eyes lovingly. He cannot fathom how such a man can make him feel so _happy_ and _complete_. He knows he has lived so long without Dean before, but Cas doesn't know what he'd do if he ever lost Dean. "Dean... I honestly don't know what I could do without you."

"Probably as much as I could do without you... nothing at all." Dean kisses his angel softly on the lifts, no longer caring about PDA, before returning his arm around his waist. They continue to search for Sam.

Castiel is the one to spot Sam first. The moose of a man was staring intently at something in a glass case before him. As Dean and Cas approach, he looks up and notices them and quickly motions them over, excited about what he'd found.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean said as they got within arms length of each other. "You find anything?"

"Yeah," Sam gestures to the scripture secured in the glass case in front of them. "I think it's in Enochian. I read about it online at the museums website. They said that it describes various remedies for sick and dying angels."

Dean leans in closer to look at what was scrawled on the parchment, as if he would be able to read it. "Can you read it, Cas?"

Luckily, Cas remembered to bring the glasses. He pulled the pair out from his coat pocket and held them in place on his face. "Yes, the spell I need is written here,...but its quite odd..." His brow furrows. "The ingredients are strange."

Dean looked to Cas, excitement written all over his face. They found the spell to save him! Cas is gonna be okay! "Well, what are they?"

"A bone of a nun, crushed to dust, proof of my holiness, a blessing from an angel, one of my feathers, all mix together as a liquid which you fill it into the heart of a demi-god, which I eat after I drink the potion from it."

Both Winchesters grimace, but its Dean to speak up first. "Okay, the bone we can do. Possibly the heart, too. But how are you supposed to prove your 'holiness'?"

"I have an idea." Cas says as he looks pointedly at Dean.

"What?"

"Dean, raising you from perdition was my most important mission as an angel. Therefore, I'm going to need some of your blood."

Deans eyebrows hit his hairline in surprise. "Wait, you're going to _drink my blood_? That's kinda vampirey, Cas."

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to. I understand."

"No, Cas, I'm gonna do it. It's kinda creepy, but whatever. I'll do whatever it takes to save you."

Sam clears his throat to get their attention. "What about your feather? Angels don't have wings anymore, so how will you get one?"

"We still molt, with our wings. There are surely feathers of mine in Heaven I just need to find. And I can find an angel to volunteer to bless the potion."

Dean rests a hand on his shoulder. "Be careful who you trust, Cas, okay?"

Cas avoids his gaze. "I know. The last angel I trusted was the one who did this to me. I learned my lesson."

Dean nodded and kissed him on his forehead again. Sam faked a cough to let them know to cut it with the PDA. Dean shoots him a glare.

"Any demi-god in particular?" Sam asked, avoiding Dean's heated stare.

"Preferably one that isn't toxic."

"Toxic?" The brothers asked in unison.

Cas nods. "Some demi-gods have toxic blood. I will be able to smell the difference."

Dean gives him a weird look. "...Smell them, okay then... Not the strangest thing I heard today, but alright."

"Alright, Dean- you take Cas to the angel portal to find the feather and get an angel to bless the potion. I'll get a nun's bone and map out the demi-gods in the area."

Dean nods. "'Kay, good plan. C'mon, Cas, let's hit the road." He intertwines their fingers together with a goofy smile on his face as he pulls him towards the exit. Dean was over the moon. He was giddy with happiness. They actually _found the spell_! Castiel was going to _live_! He didn't care that they haven't found anything on the mark, yet. All that mattered to him was that Cas was gonna be okay.

But little did he know that this wasn't going to be as easy as he thought.


	9. The Proposed Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel head out to the Heaven Portal to try to talk with angels to get their help in collecting some ingredients necessary for the spell that will save Cas' life. Cas continues to doubt his fate, but Dean is there to assure him that everything will certainly be alright. Hopefully. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SSSUUUUPPPPEEEERRRR angsty. And smut. Maybe some fluff, depending on what your definition of fluff is. I literally cried when writing this, aaaannnddd that is weird 'cause I cry for dying dogs. Not people. But that's Supernatural for ya. I also kinds created an original character? Names Och, he's not in the show but that's actually a real angel name thing so I didn't 'invent' him, per se.

Dean and Castiel sit side by side in the Impala as they make their way to the portal to heaven. They've been driving for a few hours now, sitting in complete silence. It just seemed too easy- the ingredients of the spell. Of course, they didn't share their thoughts with one another because that's just how they deal with their issues.

Cas was the one to break the silence. "Dean, when we get there, you won't be allowed to enter the portal."

The Winchester looks over at him, his brow furrowing. "Why not?"

"Its the rules. Angels only."

Dean wasn't about to give up that easily. "Yeah, well, Purgatory's just for monsters and that didn't stop us."

Cas sighs in frustration. "They will see you as a threat, Dean. They will be reluctant to allow you to enter."

"I _am_ a threat, that's why they have to negotiate. I can't just let you do this alone. Its too dangerous, man."

"I understand you want to help and that this is risky business but they just don't like you. No offense."

Dean scoffs lightly. "None take. I don't care 'bout them either, but I do care about _you_ , Cas, so I'm not gonna let you do this by yourself."

Cas worries his lip between his teeth as he glanced over to him. "I suppose we'll just see what happens when we get there." He leaned back against the leather seat and yawned as he stared out at the passing scenery. "Are we going to stop for the night? I'm tired."

"... I'd prefer not to stop, but you need your rest. I'll find us a place to stay for the night."

Cas nods in acknowledgment. "It's also important for you to rest."

Dean briefly takes his eyes off the road to smile over at Cas. It's always nice to know someone cares about him, besides Sam. Its not like he has many friends to look out for him. Deans always been accustomed to taking care of someone rather than being taken care of. "Yeah,  I guess it is... I think I just forget sometimes."

"Maybe we should also eat." Cas says as he thinks with a finger to his chin. "I haven't eaten in a while."

"What d'you want?"

Cas shrugs. "Whatever you want. I don't mind."

"How 'bout we get to a motel and order Chinese or something? That sound good?"

"Okay. I've never had Chinese food before, though I have been to China."

Dean hummed. "Have you? What's it like?"

"Big. Lots of giant reptiles."

Dean shoots Cas a quizzical look for a moment. "You mean like Godzilla?"

The angel shook his head. "Dinosaurs. To be clear, I haven't been to what is now known as China since dinosaurs still walked the Earth."

A short laugh works its way out of Dean. "... That's kind of impressive... Sometimes I forget this whole 'millions of years before I was born' thing."

"Billions, actually."

Dean smirks as he shakes his head. "Gettin' old, there, Cas." 

Cas shrugged again. "I don't age. I could live forever so long as I wasn't killed."

They sit in silence for a while more. Dean began to wonder what will become of him when _he_ dies. He doesn't think he's enough of a saint to make it into heaven, yet every bad thing he's done was for the greater good. He questions Cas on this.

"...Hey, listen, um... what is gonna happen to me when I die? Like, for good?" Dean keeps his eyes on the road, too nervous to look over at the angel.

"You go to heaven." Cas says without skipping a beat.

Dean screws his face, doubting his answer. "You sure?"

Cas turns to look at Dean. "Of course, Dean. I'm an angel- I can tell whose going where." Dean let out a small sigh in relief. He really didn't want to go to hell again.

"Where will you be when I'm dead?"

"As long as I'm angel, I can stay with you in your heaven."

Hearing that makes Dean's insides melt. This means Castiel is willing to spend to rest of forever with him. But what if Cas doesn't know what he's saying? His mind is sick, after all. "Yeah, but eternity's a long time... You sure you'd want to be stuck with me all that time?"

Cas smiles warmly at him even though he couldn't see it whilst driving. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Besides, eternity doesn't faze an angel as it would a person."

Dean reaches up to card his fingers through his hair. Cas closed is eyes and sighed at the touch. "Well, I hope it stays that way."

Cas scoots closer to Dean so he could lean his head against his shoulder. "It will. So long as I don't die..."

"You're _not_ , Cas. I promise you on everything I am." Dean tightens his grip around the steering wheel.

"But if I do, then we will never see each other ever again."

Dean looks down at him with a stern expression written all over his features. "Cas, you're _not_. I won't let you."

Cas turns his gaze to look out the window. "...I hope I don't..."

That does it for Dean. He quickly pulls over onto the shoulder of the road, and lays a hand gently on Cas' neck. "Hey, look at me..."

The angel reluctantly turns his head and meets Dean's eyes with his own, brimming with tears.

Dean's expression hardens. "In three months I'm going to marry you, Cas... I'm _not_ going to _ever_ just let you fade on me. In three months, you'll be mine permanently, and we'll get you that cat, and we'll just _live_ together... Eternity will never be enough when it comes to you. We're forever, Cas, got that? We're going to make it."

Cas' eyes were wide and filled with awe. "...Marry?"

Dean quirks a half-smile. "Yeah, Cas, marry. I'm so in love with you it drives me fuckin' crazy sometimes, and I want people to know it. I want every demon, angel, and every monster that's ever existed to know it because you mean _everything_ to me, Cas... You mean more than life, or death, or humanity. I'd give it all up to save you!... And I'm **_not_** letting _**anything**_ stand between us."

Cas releases a shaky breath and presses his forehead against Dean's. "Okay, Dean. We're going to be fine. And then I'm going to be married to you." Cas figured if Dean believes so much in him, then he might as well try to convince himself to think the same.

Dean tightens his arm around him for a moment, realizing that he was now engaged. He would be smiling if he wasn't busy having his heart break for Cas. "Damn right we are... I love so much, Cas."

The angel squeezes his eyes shut. "I love you too, Dean... We should watch Fantasia."

Confused at the sudden remark, Dean furrows his brow. "Fantasia?"

"It's an animated movie. It has whales in it. And dancing animals."

"...Well, yeah, I guess we could watch it... What made you think of that?" Dean thinks he already knows the answer to that question. Insanity.

Cas shrugs. "Nothing. It just came up. We can also play Monopoly as we watch." Yup. Insanity.

Dean smiles sadly as he runs a hand through his thick, dark-brown hair. "Yeah, we can do that." He returns his other hand to the wheel, and steers the car back onto the road, using his other arm to keep his angel close. Cas yawns and shifts downwards to rest his head in his lap, quickly falling asleep. Dean continues to stroke his hair until he finally comes across a motel two hours later, and pulls into the parking lot quietly.

Feeling the vehicle come to a halt, Cas lifts up his head from Dean's lap and tries to take in his surroundings. "Motel?" He asks, his voice thick and extra gravelly from sleep.

"Motel," Dean confirms. "I'll check in. Want me to carry you inside?"

"Mhm," Cas reaches over into the backseat lazily to pick up his board game and hold it close to his chest.

Dean chuckles at the sight, and exits the car to head over to the Motel's front desk. By the time he returns with a set of keys, Cas had already fallen back asleep. Dean smiles as he picks him up and carries him bridal style to their room for the night. He gently places Cas on the bed, who mumbles a small thank-you before scooting up towards the pillows.

Dean sits down on the bed besides him and rubs his hand over his arm. "Not hungry now?"

Remembering about his empty stomach is what got him to sit up and to lean heavily against Dean's side. "...Yeah. I'm still hungry." Cas rubs at his eyes as if it would get rid of the sleepiness.

Dean holds him close gently. "You still want Chinese?"

Cas nods and clings to Dean as he pulls out his cell phone to order their food. Once he hung up, he looked over at Cas. "We've got some time before it gets here... Anything you want to do?"

Castiel picks up the board game besides him and holds it out with a sheepish smile on his face.

Dean grins as he takes it from him, bringing it over to the small table to set it up. "Top hat, wasn't it?"

"Yes!" Cas responds enthusiastically. He begins to set the cards at their proper places on the board. "Do you want to be the car again?"

Dean sits across the table from him, smiling at his sunny disposition. It was sad that Cas was only happy when he was either out of his mind, or having sex. He was never so positive when he is acting normal. "I'd think that fits best, don't you?"

"Of course it does." They begin to play, Dean letting Cas go first, but stop half an hour later when there is a knock at the door. The Chinese Delivery.

Dean was the one to get up and pay for the food. He returns to the table with the bag full of delicious smelling food after bidding the delivery man goodnight. "You know, I don't think you're cheating, but I don't get how you're so good at this." He says, chuckling softly. Its true, though. Cas had been kicking his ass. He owned over half of the properties available on the board. The angel sat smug in his seat and huffed out a laugh.

"Strategy, Dean. I've had billions of years to master this game."

Dean passes him one of the small white boxes full of noodles and a set of chopsticks. "Monopoly has only existed since the 1940's. That's not billions of years, Cas."

Cas hums in thought. "Oh. Well I've been mastering something for a long time." He looked down to the wooden utensils handed to him. "How do I eat with these sticks?"

Dean scoffs lightly, amused by Cas' naivety of human culture. "They're chopsticks. You never used them before?"

"No. Normally I wouldn't even need to eat."

"Hmm, fair enough. I'll teach you." Dean stands and circles around the table to Cas and stands behind him, leaning over his shoulder and positioning his hand over Cas' as he held the sticks. "Hold 'em like this..." He helped maneuver his fingers into place carefully and gently.

Cas leans back against his body, enjoying his closeness as he allows him to shape his hand into their proper place. "Why eat with sticks when forks are easier?"

"Ask the Chinese next time you visit. I have no idea." Dean pinches his fingers around the sticks and slowly pulls away, allowing Cas to hold them on his own. "Just like that" He grins and leans down again to kiss his cheek before returning to his seat. When he glanced back over at Cas, his angel was smiling softly and blushing. That caused him to smile even wider.

Now that Cas was able to work his utensils, he immediately began to shovel his food into his face as if he hadn't eaten in weeks. "It's very good!" He manages to say between mouthfuls.

Dean chuckles and eat his own food at a much slower rate before passing him an eggroll. "Here, try one of these."

Cas eagerly bites half of it off in one go and moans around the crumbling food in his mouth. Dean smiled, happy that he was enjoying trying these new foods.

"What do you say, Cas? Is it better than burgers?" Dean smirked.

After swallowing his mouthful, Cas shakes his head. "Burgers are the best. Though, there is one thing that tastes better than that."

Dean raises an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"You." Cas said it so casually that Dean thought he misheard him for a second.

Dean flusters for a moment, shifting in his seat as he feels the familiar warmth shooting down towards his dick. But he quickly throws on that cocky smirk of his and waggles his eyebrows at him. "I'd have to disagree with you there, Cas. You've never tasted yourself, have you?"

Cas cocks his head to the side. "No. Am I supposed to?"

Dean chuckles. "No, you are a delicacy reserved just for me." He lowers his tone as he says this, causing Cas to squirm in his seat as he blushes.

A hum makes its way out of the Winchester's throat as he keeps his eyes on the angel. "How badly do you want to finish this game of Monopoly, Cas?"

Castiel lowers his own voice to match Deans tone. "Not that badly. I find it irrelevant at the moment."

"Any other ideas how you want to... fill your time?" Dean smirks, knowing that he was causing the cock in Cas' pants to harden as he shifted in his seat.

"I have another game in mind." Cas whispers seductively.

"What game might that be?"

"Twister. On the bed." Cas winks overdramatically, hoping that Dean understood his innuendo.

Dean smirks in amusement, leaning in closer. "And how do you want to play it?"

"Preferably naked."

"Hmm, sounds like fun." He lets the last bit of his sentence roll of his tongue in a purr. "Any rules?"

"No. Just have to be naked." Cas was beginning to get jittery in anticipation.

Because Dean is such a tease, he pretends to think it over, smirking at Cas after a moment. "I think that's doable."

Cas smiles and immediately stands up, slipping the shirt he'd borrowed from Dean over his head. Dean grins, as he stands and quickly strides over to meet him and planting a hard kiss on his mouth, his hands holding his face between them. Cas moans into the kiss and rolls his jean-clad hips over his, sliding a hand through his short dirty blond hair. Dean licks over his lips before easily prying them open, slipping his tongue inside. Their tongues wrestle for dominance as Cas undoes his own pants and steps out of them, stumbling a bit. Dean grabs his bare thighs, picking him up.

Cas wraps his legs around his waist, his ankles link together to keep himself in place. "Deeeaaannn, you're breaking the rules." Cas whined as his nipped at his bottom lip in punishment.

Dean smirks up at him. "What rules?"

" _Naked_ rules." Cas growled as he moved downward to mark Dean's neck with his teeth.

Dean moans softly at feeling his teeth at his neck, and quickly walks forward to pin Cas up against the wall, leaning forward to get his lips near his ear to whisper. "We're not even on the bed yet, though, are we?"

A nice bruise is sucked into his neck, and the angel responsible lifts his head enough to respond. "I'm fine with playing Twister on the wall."

"Hmm... I'll take that as a challenge, then." Dean smashes his lips against Cas' once more, keeping a leg under his ass to support him some more as he lets his hands wander free all over the muscular body before him. Cas shivers under his touch, and slips his own hands under his shirt to play with his perky nipples.

Dean presses into those hands. "Pull of my shirt." He moans loudly.

Cas gladly complies, leaning down to attach his lips with those nipples after the shirt has been discarded. Dean straightens a bit to help him get a better angle, sighing sharply at the feeling. He slips a hand under Cas' ass to lift him a little higher so that he could undo his jeans. As he worked on that, Cas moved his lips back to the neck, and licks a long stripe upwards as his hands sneak under Dean's jeans and gives his ass a squeeze.

Once Dean is finally in the buck he pushes Cas further against the wall, rolling his hips harshly against him. Cas releases a heavy groan, leaning down to bite at his favorite spot on his shoulder to muffle the noises escaping him.

Dean cries out loud in pleasure, tilting his head over to give him better access. "Man, I _love it_ when you do that." He growls into his ear.

Cas simply grunts in response as he frantically ruts against him, cock sliding against cock, both slick with their mixed pre-come. Heaven was nothing compared to this feeling. Dean smirks and reaches down between them and curls his fingers around Cas' length and begins to stroke it softly at first, but gradually picks up speed. Cas' breath catches in his throat, and he whines as he desperately thrusts into the strong hand surrounding him. Dean twirls his thumb over his slit and grins at the blissful reaction on the angels face. He ducks down to lick his way up from his collarbone to his ear, Cas groaning loudly in response.

Dean jerks Cas' off even faster, adding a twist with his wrist for extra measure. His lips ghost over the shell of Cas' ear as he whispers, "You're mine, Cas."

Castiel smothers his whimper by biting back into his shoulder, coming hard into his hand, and between their bodies. Dean groans at the feeling of the bite, and gently strokes him through his orgasm, his other hand holding his body steady.

But even though Cas was satisfied, he still felt the wild and uncontrollable urge to pleasure Dean. With the help of Dean, he kneels on the ground before him, licking a stipe up both thighs before quickly taking him whole, not wanting to tease him much. Dean releases a soft moan as his hands thread themselves into the wild brown hair between his legs. Cas begins to bob his head, reaching up with one hand to fondle his balls. The grip around his hair tightens as Dean's toes curl in the carpet, with Castiel's name slipping loose from his lips into a moan.

Cas starts a pattern of sucking at just the head for a few seconds before moaning around his shaft as he takes him whole again. Dean began to feel the heat coil in his stomach and he forces himself to gaze into those bright sapphire eyes staring back at him. The air leaves his lungs, leaving him breathless before he remembers how to breathe again.

Cas releases one last deep moan from the back of his throat which throws Dean ever the edge. His eyes go wide before screwing shut as he comes into the wet, heated cave surrounding his dick as he shouts out Cas' name. His knees begin to buckle, but Cas places his hands on his hips to steady him. Once Dean regained his balance, he looked down at the angel sitting on the floor, panting, before him. He swallows hard before falling to his knees, taking that beautiful face between his hands and kissing him strongly. Cas returns the kiss with equal force, his hands digging into his broad shoulders.

Dean pulls back hot and heavily, staring into those blue eyes intensely. "I love you, Cas."

The angel raises a hand to gently caress his face. "I love you, too, Dean. I wish there were words to describe how I feel about you."

Dean can feel his heart swell. "How about just a few? What words come to mind when you think of me."

Cas looks to him, his eyes filled with love and adoration. "Amazing. Beautiful. Devotion. Passionate. I could go on for a while."

"I bet you could... Incredible. Caring. Great heart." A smirk forms on his bruised lips. "Cherry pie."

Cas grins and chuckles, reaching over to grab Dean's t-shirt to wipe themselves clean. Once finished, he hummed and leans his forehead against Dean's. "Now I'm sleepy. Bed?"

"Mhm. I think we're good with twister for now." An amused huff escapes Cas as he wraps his arms around his neck, yawning. Dean smiles and nuzzles his face against his sexed-up hair. "Guess I'm carrying you?"

Cas nods against him, giving his neck a soft kiss in appreciation. "My legs are too tired for standing."

Dean lets out a small chuckle and rises on his two feet, lifting the limp body between both arms. "Yeah, because you  made it so much easier on my legs."

"Well, you _are_ more accustomed to having orgasms than I am."

Dean lays his body gently across the bed, scoffing lightly. "Yeah, I'm more accustomed to it, but it's never as intense as _you_ make it."

Cas blushes and smiles as he holds his hands out as an invitation for him to join. Dean chuckles and eagerly falls into them, loving the feeling of being enveloped into his strong arms, and being held close. He feels safe. And loved. They fall asleep wrapped up in each others warm embrace, with a smile on both of their lips.

Dean was the first to wake, six hours later. He looks as Cas' face which appeared so peaceful and content- as if he wasn't currently dying. He leans forward to kiss those soft lips as a sweet attempt to wake him up. Cas stirs in his sleep, but only nuzzles closer to his body, as if Dean would protect him from whatever it was trying to wake him. Dean smiles and rests his head against Cas', and brings a hand to his bare side, ghosting his finger tips over it. That get him to squirm and groan in irritation. Success! Cas was now awake. Step Two: convince him to leave the bed.

But Dean just chuckles at his morning moodiness. "Well, good morning to you too, grumpy."

Castiel mumbles something (probably an insult in Enochian) before sitting up, squinting in the light. "...What...time?" He didn't feel like completing the sentence.

Dean huffs out a small laugh at his adorable bed-head and turns back over to look at the clock on the nightstand. "Its... 8:34!" He says enthusiastically.

The angel stretches his arms above his head. "We should go. Heaven portal... Important stuff."

"Yeah, I'd say so. Get dressed and pack up your game. I'll get our stuff."

"Mm, thank you." He reaches forward to grab Dean behind the head and pulls him in for a quick kiss.

Dean pulls away with a smirk on his face. "Keep dragging me around like that and we're never gonna leave this room."

Cas smiles as Dean gets up and begins to move about the room. While he started to dress himself, Cas crawled to the edge of the bed and managed to pick up his shirt from where it lie and managing to stay on the mattress. He gets up and starts to pull his pants on, but kept loosing hid balance and eventually sat on the bed, and shimmied his pants on over his ass.

Dean watches him in concern, and walks over to him after easily slipping on his own jeans. "You okay, Cas?"

"Yes... Just lost my balance. That's all..."

"Seems like you did a couple of times... Can you stand up for me?"

Cas nods lightly and slowly pushes himself up from the bed, wavering a bit once on his feet. Dean reaches out, steadying him by grabbing a shoulder, and slowly pulls away. He takes a couple of steps back.

"Come over here, Cas." He holds his hands out, ready to catch him if he does fall.

Cas looked to him sadly, afraid that he wouldn't be able to make it to Dean without falling. That would mean he wouldn't be walking anymore- not on his own, at least. But he tries anyways. He is halfway to Dean before he stumbles and falls forwards. Dean was there to catch him before he hit the ground. He sets him back on his feet, both hands on a shoulder as support before having him sit back on the bed.

"Alright, Cas, no good."

Cas pants, tired from his efforts, as he avoids Dean's eyes.

"Cas, you're not going to heaven. Not like this."

"I have to, Dean. How else are we to get the ingredients?"

Dean crouched in front of him to catch his gaze. He held his hands gently between both of his hands. "I'm gonna go. I'll find one of your feathers and an angel to bless the spell and I'll bring them back. Simple."

"Dean," Cas said, his eyes filled with sorrow, "That's impossible. I'm not even sure the portal will work for human. But we can try and go _together_..."

"Cas, you can't _walk_. If we go, then we'll figure out how the portal works and you can wait around in the park for a bit. Maybe have Sam come get you."

"I'm not letting you go up there without me. They will see you as a threat."

"Like I said before, _they should_. I can't let you go, Cas."

Cas glares at him. "If you're there to support me as I walk I'll be fine. I _need_ to do this."

"Why do you _need_ to?"

Cas lays a hand between Dean's shoulder and neck. "Because if you try to negotiate with them, they might kill you. But they may reason with me."

" _May_ , Cas. 'May' isn't good enough anymore, not around you. They _might_ try to kill me, but I might kill them. I'm not putting you in any situation where you even have a chance at getting hurt. Understood?"

"They're my _brothers_ and _sisters_ , Dean. I know the,. They will only attack if they feel threatened."

"Cas," Dean's voice cracked saying his name. "They attacked you because they fell. Metatron lied and _used_ you, and he stole your grace in the first place. They can attack without being provoked."

Cas sighed in irritation. "How else are we going to get the ingredients? I'm not letting you go and you're not letting me."

"You have to let me. I've got my best chance now while I still have a handle on the mark. If I go, I'll sneak around. I'll just get the feathers and stay away from the angels."

"You need to be an angel to travel through heaven. But I suppose I can't stop you from trying to talk with them..."

Dean nods. "Alright. Is there any angel you know of, think hard on this, _any angel_ you know you can fully trust?"

"Yes, but I killed him several years ago." Balthazar.

"No living angels?"

Cas looks up at the ceiling in thought. "...Try to talk with Och. He rules over a province in heaven and holds some power."

"Och? Okay. And he get to your feathers?"

"He should. So long as he still holds his position. I don't know if things have changed since the angels returned to heaven. He could be dead for all I know."

"Alright. Then lets get me to Och." Dean kisses him on the forehead before standing up and tossing their luggage in the Impala and returning to carry Cas out to the car. They are silent during the drive to the angel portal.


	10. Here's the Deal...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas' health is too unstable for him to go to heaven to retrieve certain ingredients for the spell that will save his life, so Dean takes his place. He goes through the heaven portal and negotiates with Och, a ruler of one of the provinces of heaven. He is one of the few angels Cas trusts, and since he holds a high position, he could easily help them if he agrees to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the end is cut off in a middle of an angsty scene. It will pick up next chapter with a lighter mood. I just didn't want the chapter to be super long. But anyways, I hope you enjoy! Comments are amazing, too!

They've been sitting in the Impala for several hours in silence. They weren't ignoring each other, there just wasn't anything to say. Cas is an angel of good intentions, but has nearly destroyed the world in the past, making the majority of the angels reluctant to assist him in restoring him to full power. His popularity drastically declined when he gave up his army for one man- Dean. Cas does not regret his decision. He doesn't care what his brothers and sisters think of him so long as Dean is okay.

 

But Dean was not okay. The Mark of Cain was eating away at his humanity. And although Cas' presence helps keep the mark's influence at bay, it is when he hunts the mark takes over, turning him into a savage. It scares Dean. He was slowly becoming a monster. Something that he would hunt. He believes that he doesn't deserve Cas, and he is almost convinced that it is his sick mind that caused him to feel attracted to him. Why else would an angel love a monster? But unfortunately, Dean's pessimistic attitude towards himself shields him from noticing that he is truly loved by the angel.

 

By now they were approaching the portal to heaven, not half an hour away. Cas cleared his throat to get Dean's attention.

 

"When we arrive, I'll need to talk to the angels that will be guarding the portal."

 

Dean furrows his brow in concern. "What for?"

 

"They won't allow you in unless I can convince them to take you to Och."

 

A minute passes as Dean thinks it over. "Alright. But I wanna be there when you talk to them." He was slightly overprotective of Cas, especially in his current state.

 

"Of course. You need to gain their trust, after all. And I need someone to help me over to them."

 

"Okay... What will you do while I'm upstairs?"

 

"I don't know... sit in the grass and play with the insects, I suppose."

 

Dean smirks a bit. "You don't want to try to play Monopoly with the guard angels?"

 

Cas huffs out a laugh. "I have a feeling they won't enjoy the game. And they don't like me very much."

 

"Maybe teach the insects?" Dean, of course, meant it as a little joke.

 

"Their minds aren't sophisticated enough to understand the concept of games and the strategy required to play."

 

"Hmm. Well I'll be back as quick as I can and we'll finish the game of Monopoly before we were distracted with Twister." He tossed a wink in Cas' direction.

 

The angel blushed and smiled a bit. "I'd rather just play Twister again."

 

Dean smirked. "That is _more_ than doable, in a number of ways..." 

 

Cas smiles wide as they pull into the parking lot that is adjacent from the park. Two angels (one possessing the body of a teenager with pink hair, and the other, a child) swing from the swing set as they inconspicuously guard the portal which lay in the sandbox. Dean is apprehensive as he parks the car and steps out, walking around to the other side to help Cas up. Cas leans heavily against his side once he was on two feet. He cleared his throat before he spoke.

 

"Don't say anything a Winchester would say."

 

Dean mutters something under his breath as he holds Cas steadily and moves forwards. "That's gonna be pretty fuckin' difficult..."

 

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Bambi. He just quoted from a fucking Disney movie! Yeah, they're gonna really need that spell.

 

Dean presses his lips together tightly to refrain from saying anything.

 

As they draw near, the angels have guard had already noticed them and were walking to meet them halfway.

 

Once they are within three feet of one another, the angel with the pink hair spoke up. "Castiel," She surveyed his feeble form. "Why have you come, and with a Winchester, no less."

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at her, but he remained quiet for Cas' sake, who replied, "Sister, please. Dean needs to speak with Och. It is of the upmost importance. Let him pass and take him to Och."

 

Pink-haired angel looked to Dean, expecting him talk for himself. He shifted his weight on his feet, nervous because if he screws it up with these angels, there was no other way he knew to get the feather and prayer. "I, uh, need to find one of Cas' feathers, and I need Och's help to do that.  

 

The guard angels glare at him, knowing his reputation and finding him insignificant. They turn to each other and whisper among themselves, debating whether or not to allow the Winchester access into heaven. Once they reached a verdict, they turned to him, the child-angel holding out her hands. "Hand over all of your weapons and we'll take you to Och."

 

Dean hesitates and looks to Cas. He sure as hell didn't want to go up there unarmed in case anything went wrong. But  Cas nodded, assuring him it was alright. Though he was reluctant to do so, Dean took out each gun and blade hidden all over his person one by one and dropped them into those dainty little angel hands. He felt pathetic, so it was basically written in his biology to be sarcastic as a last resort. He held up both hands in an act of surrender. "You wanna frisk me?" He smirked, but Cas slapped his arm.

 

The pink-haired angel stared at him furiously for several moments before speaking. "Come with me," She said as she pivoted on her heel and started for the sand box. Dean turned to Cas to give him a quick kiss goodbye. Before he followed after the angel, he sat Cas down on the grass. Once standing on the portal, the angel placed a hand on his shoulder and the world around him began to brighten. Dean shielded his eyes, though unnecessary, as sand swirled around them, as if they were in the center of a tornado. As it died down, Dean lowered his hands and was a bit surprised to find that he now stood in a fancy office with a glossy wooden desk near the back. Behind that desk stood an angel. He was possessing an Asian man and wearing a black suit with a red tie. His gaze was intimidating.

 

"Dean Winchester," The angel he assumed to be Och said. "To what do I owe to having a visit from you?"

 

Dean stood paralyzed. He realized he never exactly planned on how to ask for Cas' feather. Lie or tell the truth? But he didn't want to risk lying. He was desperate. Dean sighs. "Castiel is dying. I need your help."

 

"Dying, is he?" Och sat down behind his desk, deciding that Dean was obviously here to beg from him. "Why do you need my help? He always seems to come back on his own just fine."

 

"Yeah, well not this time. He's running on borrowed grace, and it's going fast. We need the feather to do a reversal spell on him to revive him and we'll need one of his feathers to do it."

 

Och put a hand to his chin in thought. "His feathers? Or _the_ feather?"

 

Dean furrowed his brow. " _The_ feather?"

 

"Yes. He did explain it to you, correct?"

 

Dean looked at  him confused.

 

"I'll take that as a no. You see the feathers of an angel's wing stores grace in it- it is where they store the power to hide themselves from view. Pluck a feather, and the grace fades away, becoming powerless. But when we, angels, were created, we each had a feather taken, its grace within it preserved, and they were all put inside a vault. We file them away in a specific order. Its to keep track of what rank an angel is, or if they are alive or not. And those feathers still contain grace. _That_ is the type of feather you would need for a restoration spell. Any other feather would be as useless as a bird's feather." Och chuckled.

 

"...Look, I don't know why he didn't tell me, but that doesn't matter. Will you help him or not?" Dean dragged a hand through his hair, nervously awaiting the answer.

 

"I will get the feather for him."

 

Dean looked at him, confused. "That easily? What's the catch?"

 

Och smirked. "Smart, Winchester. Yes, there is a catch. I will give you the feather after you find a spell to give wings back to the angels."

 

Dean starts to shake his head slowly, then increased the speed. "No... no, no, I can't! I don't have the _time_ to do that for you first. Cas doesn't have long enough for me to do that. Please, just give me the damn feather and I'll make sure you get your wings- all of you. If it kills me, I will. But, I _need_ that feather..."

 

"I don't really care if Castiel dies," The angel shrugged. "He's more trouble than he's worth. And I'm not putting up any other offers on the table."

 

Dean clenches his fists. "If Cas di-" He shakes his head again. "Cas trusts you, Och! You were the only angel he could think to. He's lost everything he's ever tried to save, including you as a brother! How am I supposed tell him that you're not gonna help save him?"

 

"I'm sure he won't be all surprised. If I can find a way to give my brothers and sisters their wings back, I'll take it.."

 

"Just listen, alright? I _will_ get your wings back. I just need some time!" Dean was red in the face with anger. But he couldn't act out and attack the angel because he is Cas' only chance.

 

"Take all the time you need. I can wait. But you're not going to get his feather without a spell."

 

Dean closed his eyes and sighed as he felt the tears rising. "I've got less than _three months_ , I don't have time for a spell! I don't have time for anything! Cas' body burns up grace and then he _pukes it out._ He can't _walk_ anymore, he's _dying_ more and more everyday. Look, just give me the feather and if I can't find the spell, you guys can kill me."

 

Och sighed in frustration. "Frankly, we don't _care_ enough to kill you. We want our wings. I'll tell you what- since I'm such a nice guy, I'll make another offer. Go out, and look for the spell for two months. When Castiel has one month left and you haven't found anything, come back and we can strike up some sort of deal."

 

"This isn't a deal, you're just gonna use me! Hell, you even make deals with demons to get what you want. Cas is getting worse _by the fucking day_. He might not even last two months."

 

"That is not my problem. Take it or leave it." He was more stern this time, quickly getting fed up with Dean.

 

Dean remains still for a minute, his fists balled up and shaking, before he let out a defeated sigh and lowers his head. "...What choice do I have?"

 

"None if you want Castiel to have a chance at living."

 

The Winchester bites his tongue and tightly shuts his eyes, focusing himself for a moment before speaking darkly. "I'll find your spell... but the second I do, you better have that feather or I swear I'll tear you apart."

 

Och lifted a hand up. "I'm an angel of my word. It'll be right here, on my desk, when you return with the spell."

 

Dean glares at him with a look that promises death and turns back to the guard angel, growling at her to take him back. She grabs him by the shoulder and the bright light followed by the swirling sand appear. As soon as he saw that he was back in the park, he spots Cas on the ground, where he left him, picking at the grass.

 

He quickly strides over there and snatches him up from under the shoulders and began to carry the angel over to the Impala.

 

Cas gasped in surprise as he was suddenly lifted. "Dean! You're back." Dean sets him in the passenger side of the seat without responding and climbs into the drivers side, pulling out his phone. "Dean! Tell me what happened!" Cas yanked the phone from his hand to get him to look at him.

 

Dean looks at the angel in surprise before reaching out to grab it back. Cas let him take it, but he scowled at him for it. Dean quickly punches Sam's speed dial number in and didn't have to wait long for him to answer. "Sam, I need you to work on a spell that will get the angels their wings back.....No, Sam, just-....Damn it Sam, just do it!" Dean ends the call and throws the phone down, and grips the wheel tightly as he pulls out of the parking lot.

 

"Dean?..." Cas looked to him worriedly. "What happened?"

 

He looks over to Cas, frowning deeply, and reaches out gently, pulling the angel closer, and kisses him on the head. "It's alright, Cas. Things are gonna be fine."

 

"What did Och say?" Cas rests his chin on Dean's shoulder.

 

A deep breath was taken before Dean spoke, trying to calm himself down. "He's got your feather." Technically it want lying. 

 

Cas quirks an eyebrow. "And do you have it?"

 

Dean avoids his stare. "No. He wouldn't give it to me."

 

"Why not? Dean, talk to me."

 

He looks to Cas for a moment, hesitating to speak since he was unsure on how to break the news easily. "he's not gonna help, Cas... Not until I find a spell to get the whe angels their wings back."

 

Castiel lifts his head from Dean's shoulder slowly and looks out the window without saying a word. He was beginning to lose hope. He was getting weaker, and more tired every day. The angel doesn't know how he will be able to continue this suffering.

 

Dean watches him for a second before swerving over to the shoulder of the road sharply, pulling over and dropping his head into his hands. Cas remains silent as he clenches his hands around his knees. He now blames himself for when Dean gets upset. It all leads back to him dying. Maybe it would be better to leave Dean so he wouldn't be so bothersome to the Winchesters anymore.

 

Dean begins shaking slightly, trying (and failing) to fight back the tears that now flow from between his fingers. "I'm so sorry, Cas... You didn't deserve this...you didn't deserve _any_ of this. You shouldn't be suffering like this....you shouldn't be struggling to fucking _walk_. You shouldn't be sick, you shouldn't _ever_ be sick. You should have your grace, your powers, your _wings_...you should be doing angel shit, and working for God- not against him... You should be in heaven, where you belong... I took that from you, Cas, I took it all from you and I'm so fucking sorry..."

 

"You didn't take anything from me, Dean," Cas wraps an arm around him and kisses his head in an attempt to reassure him. "Everything will be fine." To be honest, Castiel had no idea if things were going to be fine. But he will do whatever it take to raise Dean's spirit.

 

But Dean pulls out of his grasp and looks into his blue eyes in despair, his own green eyes flowing with tears as he continues to cry. "No, Cas. I ruined it for you. I ruin _everything_ for you! If you hadn't saved me, you'd never have to be like this."

 

Cas reaches out to rub his back. "But I got to meet you. I fell in love with you. I don't regret saving you. I simply regret trusting Metatron."

 

Dean pulls away from his touch, leaning his back against the car door as he looks at him. "You shouldn't have trusted _me_ , Cas! I'm the reason you're here! I'm the reason you're dying..."

 

Cas looks to him, his eyes filled with hurt. "Do you regret meeting me?"

 

"No, I couldn't ever regret meeting you. You're everything to me... but I'm the reason your sick, and I really wish more than anything I could fix you, and I don't regret falling in love with you, Cas... I just wish you hadn't had the curse to love me back."

 

Castiel fumed with anger and yanks Dean forward by the collar of his shirt, bringing him nose-to-nose with him. "Stop _saying_ that! You are _not_ the one who did this to me!"

 

Dean is still in Cas' grasp, allowing him to do as he pleases. "But I _am_ Cas! You wouldn't even _know_ sickness if it wasn't for me!"

 

The angel growls from deep within his throat. "You are _not_ to blame." He shoves Dean away and scoots to sit on the other side of the car. He crosses his arms and pouts. "Talk to me when you find some sense."

 

Dean stares at him, going silent for several moments and calms himself down. He swallows the lump in his throat, and speaks again, his voice low and shaky. "I'm in love with you, Cas...so damn much, I'm in love with you. I've never felt _anything_ close to how I feel about you...and I'm scared, Cas." His voice breaks a bit, pausing briefly. "I'm not able to do the things an angel could...and if I can't get this spell in time-"

 

Cas stops him when he slides back over to the man and grabs his face, leaning both of their foreheads together. "I know. We'll figure it out. I love you, Dean, and I will do whatever it takes to stay with you." Dean releases a shaky sigh, tears continuing to roll over his cheeks as he closes his eyes. Cas wraps both arms around him. "With all of the books in the bunker, we should find something."

 

"I need something more definite than _'should'_ , Cas..."

 

"I'm sorry. I can't guarantee anything."

 

Dean bites his lip sharply as he takes a deep breath in through his nose. "I know..."

 

"I'm not going to lie to you...such a spell may not even exist." It was the truth. He had never heard of such in all of his life.

 

Dean exhales heavily, looking down, causing his tears to fall onto his jeans. "I'm going to summon Crowley..."

 

Cas nods against his head. "Alright. I agree." This was it. Castiel's fate remains in the hands of a demon- and not any demon... The King of Hell. 

 

  
  


	11. Making Deals With the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to get the spell necessary to get Cas' feather, the Winchesters and co. summon Crowley to get him to help out. But will Crowley be willing to help the angels get their wings back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I'm sorry if I make Sam seem like a dick. I'm trying to have a contrast on how Dean feels about Castiel to have an internal conflict happen in his mind. Sorry Sammy if I written you incorrectly!!!

Crowley. Cas' last hope. It made Dean's insides churn. The demon wasn't exactly trustworthy- he may get what they need, but not without a price. This was bound to go south, but Dean was willing to risk it if it meant that Cas will make it.

 

"I want to be there when you summon him." Cas said while looking out the windshield.

 

Dean turned to look at him sternly. "Like hell you are! Cas, you can't walk on your own anymore. If Crowley sees you, then he'll see that you're weak and vulnerable. I don't want him hurting you when we need him to help us."

 

Cas sighed in irritation. "I want to be there. He is a danger, and if I am around, he wouldn't dare harm you."

 

"So, what? You're really gonna use up your grace to kill him if necessary."

 

"It is an intimidation tactic. If I am there, he won't do anything, therefore fighting will not be necessary."

 

Dean glared at the paved road ahead of him. "No, Cas. I can't let you do that."

 

"Dean, please," Cas glanced up to him with pleading eyes. "I've been so _useless_ and I will continue to be as I get weaker. I want to be of some use to you before I die."

 

That did it. Dean pulled over to the side of the rode, turning to Cas and having him look him in the eye. "Okay, first of all, you're _not_ useless. You've been keeping me happy and helping me control the mark of Cain. I would be bat-shit crazy without you. And second, you are _not_ gonna die. I won't let you." Cas nods softly and drops his gaze. "And if you really want to be there when we summon Crowley, then you can..." Dean really didn't want Cas to feel as if he didn't contribute to them. If he does, he will begin to give up and accept death, as it appears he is already doing. Dean aims to change that.

 

Cas gives him a small smile. "Okay, Dean. Thank you..." He looked out the window to avoid his eyes.

 

"What else is bothering you? C'mon you can tell me."

 

The angel took a deep sigh before meeting his stare. "I'm afraid of death. When angels die, there is no afterlife. We become nothing- we no longer exist. That frightens me. But I want to look forward to the eternity I'd be spending in your personal heaven with you." He gave Dean a sweet smile, his eyes soft.

 

Dean returns the smile. "Think of that." He places a hand on the back of his neck. "Once we save you, we will literally be together forever." He huffs a small laugh before pulling his angel in for a slow kiss, savoring the moment.

 

When they pull away, Cas smiled and nodded, agreeing with Dean's plan. "But that plan could be ruined. I am afraid Sam might kill me." The amusement in his eyes let Dean know that he wasn't serious.

 

"Why would Sam kill you?"

 

"I put frogs in his salad... I fear they might be dead now."

 

Dean paused for a minute, trying to figure out if he heard Cas correctly. "You put _frogs_ in his salad?"

 

"Yes."

 

" _Frogs_?"

 

"Yes, do you have a problem with frogs?" Cas didn't like the way Dean was addressing the situation.

 

Dean remained flustered for a moment. "But _why_ , Cas?"

 

Cas shrugged his shoulders. "Why not?"

 

Dean furrowed his brow in thought. "You couldn't think to, I don't know, warn Sam?"

 

"No. I like surprises."

 

"Yeah, well I don't think Sam will like this one."

 

He shrugs again. "Oh, well."

 

Dean scoffed, amused by his angel, and pulled off onto the road, continuing to the bunker. "Hey,... Remember what I asked you last night?"

 

"About wanting to continue Monopoly?"

 

Dean huffed out a nervous laugh. "No... About marrying me. Did you still want to?" He kept his eyes to the road, nervous to hear his answer.

 

Castiel leaned his weight onto Dean's side. "Of course I do, Dean. I want to marry you and spend the rest of eternity with my husband."

 

Dean's heart practically exploded hearing that, so he leaned down enough to kiss the top of his head. "Good. Why don't you get some sleep, huh? It'll be a while." Cas yawned as he nodded. He scooted across the seat some so he could lay his head down onto Dean's lap. As they drove on, Dean kept a hand on his back, stroking it softly.

 

It took several hours, but eventually they arrived at the bunker in Lebanon. As Dean pulled into the garage, he saw Sam standing by the door with his arms crossed. He appeared pissed. He probably saw the frogs. But as he parks, Dean ignores his brother and gently lifts Cas up and out of the car, still asleep. As he was carried towards the door, the sleeping angel curled into the warmth that surrounded him.

 

Once he was close enough to Sam, Dean gave him a look, half-threatening and half-pleading, to get him to remain silent.

 

"Dean," He says quietly. "We need to talk." Yeah, he was definitely pissed.

 

Dean lets out a heavy sigh before mumbling back, "I know." He carries Cas to their room and lays him across the bed, tucking him in, and kissing his hair before heading out back to Sam who was waiting by the entrance to the library.

 

Instead of greeting him, the mammoth of a Winchester grabs his brother by the shoulder and pulls him into the kitchen and dramatically points at the salad bowl, and the dead frogs laying on top of the leafy greens. "Look at what he did, Dean."

 

Another sigh escapes Dean as he rubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, I know..."

 

"You really need to keep a leash on him before he goes off and sets the damn bunker on fire."

 

"Hey, watch it!" Dean glares at his brother. "I've already gotten my fill of shit to deal with today, so don't add to that. I get that you're pissed, man."

 

"The frogs aren't the only problem, Dean! He's been making messes and breaking shit!" It true. Cas has gotten incredibly clumsy recently, and has been spilling his drinks, dropping his food, and knocking things over.

 

"I know that, Sam. And you know what else? He can't even _walk_ anymore!"

 

Sam crossed his arms. "More the reason to keep an eye on him. He'll end up breaking more crap trying to move around."

 

Dean furrows his brow him in disbelief, and lowers his voice to avoid shouting. "What the fuck is your problem?!"

 

" _He_ is, Dean! He's not my priority right now! I want to find a way to get rid of the marl before I spend time trying to save him!"

 

"Lower your God damn voice, Sam!" Dean growls in irritation, shaking his head before continuing. "The mark is _fine_ _._ Alright? I've got a handle on it, and what do you mean Cas isn't a priority!? He's your friend, Sam!"

 

"But you're my _brother_! Can you blame me for putting you first?"

 

Dean pauses for a moment, thinking over what he said. "...No, I can't. But as your brother, I'm asking you to forget me for a while. I'm _fine_. Cas... he's going faster everyday... I went to heaven to get his feather for the spell, and the only way the guy who has it is gonna give it up is if we find a spell that will get the angels their wings back."

 

Sam _does_ actually care about Cas. Not only is he a friend, but he also makes Dean happy, which isn't something that happens often for his brother. But no matter how much he cared for the angel, he will always put his brother first. "Well you can work on that. I will be busy tracking Cain."

 

"Sam, I can't do this without you. I'm gonna have to call Crowley to get him to help, and if you walk away from helping me talk with him, you're already hurting me."

 

"'Course I'm gonna help you with Crowley. It's _Crowley_. I'm not gonna let you do that alone."

 

Dean relaxes a bit, glad that Sam was helping him with at least that. "Alright, then...at least we agree on that much."

 

"We gonna summon him now and get it over with?"

 

"I need to wake Cas before we do it."

 

"Alright. I'm gonna go to the dungeon and set up the summoning spell."

 

"Okay." Dean turns and leaves the kitchen, intent on returning to his angel. When he enters the bedroom, he sits down on the bed besides Cas, who was still asleep. Dean brushed a hand through his hair, gently trying to wake him up. Cas sighs in his sleep and unconsciously grabs at the hem of Dean's shirt. Dean smiles and leans down, kissing him softly on his temple.

 

Castiel slowly opens his eyes with a goofy smile plastered on his face as he takes in the sight of Dean. "Hello, Dean..."

 

"Good morning, sleeping beauty." Dean couldn't deny that warmth had filled him when Cas looked at him the way he did- his eyes full of love.

 

Cas begins to sit up as he takes in his surroundings. "We're at the bunker?" 

 

"Mhm. I carried you in, not 'cause I didn't think you could make it on your feet, but because you're adorable when you sleep and I didn't have the heart to wake you."

 

A grin works its way onto Cas' lips. "Well, thank you. I was very tired."

 

"I know you were..." He gave Cas a small smile before it quickly fades away. Cas was always tired. He always wanted to sleep. He sleeps more and more as the days go by. "I need you to get up now, though. Sam's here... we're gonna summon Crowley."

 

Cas rubs his eyes before nodding and quickly swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

 

"Whoa, hold up there Cas..." Dean stands in front of him, holding out a hand. "Easy does it..." He needs Cas to be careful. The last thing he wants is for the angel to fall over and  break something- as in one of his bones. Cas sighs and grabs Dean's hand, pulling himself onto his feet. He grabs Dean's shoulders to steady himself. "Here..." Dean moves an arm around his waist and encourages Cas to hold onto him the same way. Once he does, they begin a few small experimental steps with success.

 

"Thank you." Cas whispers as they begin to make their way to the dungeon. Dean responds by kissing the side of his head.

 

Once they finally make it there, Sam already has everything set up. Dean shoots him a subtly glare, silently asking him not to mention the frogs.

 

Sam simply gives him a bitchface, but respects his wish. "You two good?"

 

"Yeah, hold on..." Dean extends his arm far enough to pull the chair that sat against the wall and pulls it over to Cas, having him sit down on his. He looks down at the angel softly before turning back. "We're ready."

 

Sam sighs, not particularly looking forward to speaking with Crowley. "Alright, lets get this party started."

 

Once Sam completes the spell, the demon suddenly appears in the center of their devils trap. "Hello, boys." Crowley surveys his surroundings, taking note of the hand Dean has carding through Cas' hair. He shoots his gaze back up and looks between the Winchester brothers. "Forces slumber party?"

 

Sam directs another bitchface to Crowley. "Shut up, Crowley. We're here to talk business." Sam looks to Dean, directing the demons attention to his brother.

 

Dean thinks over what he should say before speaking. "We need you to find something." Dean moves his hand down to Cas' shoulder and rubs his hand across it as the angel tenses.

 

"You're heterosexuality, perhaps?" Crowley scoffs as he takes in the sight.

 

But Dean smirks back at him, patting Cas' shoulder. "You can have it." His features straighten, deciding to jump right into business. "We need a spell to get the angels their wings back."

 

Crowley shoots him an irritated look. "And you think I have a spell conveniently stuffed up my trousers?"

 

"Then find it, ass-clown!"

 

"You wound me, Winchester. And tell me, why do you need that spell in particular? It's not as if it will benefit your little tree topper here." Crowley knows about Cas' fading grace. Hell, he's the reason why he was still alive. He also knew that the Winchesters would be scrambling to search for a way to keep their little angel alive and was expecting to be summoned by them eventually. But he doesn't understand why they need _that_ spell in particular. It wouldn't benefit Cas in any way, right?

 

"As a matter of fact, it would. So seeing as we were _besties_ back in my demon days, this shouldn't be too much to ask."

 

Crowley shrugs. "No trouble at all if such a spell even exists. What's in it for me? I certainly won't do it for free."

 

Dean thinks for a moment before looking over to Sam for any ideas. Sam shrugs, having none. Dean turns back to the demon and shrugs. "What do you want?"

 

"A threesome with you and your boy toy." Crowley smirks, clearly amused with his joke.

 

"I'm sure you would. You'd be the bottom." Dean retorts bitterly before sighing. "Look, I don't care what's in it for you. You can have whatever you want. Just say the word and it's done."

 

"The word. Consider it done. I'll let you know when I make up my mind on what I want." Crowley winks at him.

 

Cas decides to speak before the demon leaves. "If you double cross us, I _will_ end you."

 

"I'm sure you will, feathers. Or better yet, lack-there-of."

 

Dean steps forward. "Shut it, Crowley. Just bring us the spell and we'll work out something for you in return."

 

"I sure hope. I'll sext you the details once I find it, honey." Crowley winks. "Now, you going to let me go?" Dean looks to Cas, who nods, so he moves forward to break the trap. "Ta ta, darlings." Crowley gives a small wave before disappearing.

 

The demon leaves with a flash of smoke that leaves the three of them coughing. Dean quickly fans the smoke away from Cas to the best of his ability. "Cas, you okay?"

 

Cas nods as his coughing dies down. "Do you think Crowley will find it and give it to us if he does?"

 

"I know he'll hand it over but I'm not sure for what."

 

Sam steps forward. "Gonna help me research the mark now? We've done all we can for Cas at the moment."

 

Dean looks to Sam a bit apprehensively before turning to Cas to hear what he thinks.

 

Cas looks up to Dean, laying a hand on his arm. "Dean. You need to work on saving yourself. You've done enough for me already."

 

Dean sighs heavily before returning his stare back to Sam. "You're right. I'm sorry. Let's get to work."

 

Sam nods, accepting Dean's apology. "Good, let's get working." He turns and heads out of the dungeon.

 

Dean crouches down next to Cas to ask what he wants to do. "Do you feel like researching or going to rest?"

 

"I'm tired. I think I will sleep. I would help if I thought I could stay awake while researching."

 

Dean gives him a small smile. "It's no worries. You need your rest. Let's get you back to bed."

 

Cas smiles and sets both hands on his shoulders. "Can you carry me? I'm too tired to walk..."

 

"Of course I will," Dean says with a sad smile. "Put your arms around me."

 

Cas leans forward and wraps both arms loosely around his neck, careful as to not hurt him. As Dean hoists him into his arms, Cas leans his face into his neck, giving out an exhausted sigh.

 

Dean carried him up to their room just like he had a while earlier, and lays him back down. Cas gets under the covers on his own this time. "I'll lay with you once we're done, okay?"

 

"Okay, Dean. But take your time. I'll just be sleeping." Cas lifts a hand to gently caress his face.

 

Dean smiles and grabs his wrist softly, leaning into his palm for a moment. "Yeah, but it sucks sleeping alone..."

 

"Well, luckily I won't be conscious to notice." Cas smiles a little at his joke.

 

Dean huffs a laugh and leans down to kiss him on the lips. Cas returns it eagerly. Once they pull apart, Dean stands. "Good night, Cas."

 

"Just an hour ago you said 'good morning'. Which is it?" Cas had an amused look in his eyes.

 

A smirk works its ways onto Dean's lips. "It's nine in the morning. But it can be night if you want. No windows in here to tell."

 

Cas hums in thought for a moment. "I'll pretend its night. Good night, Dean." Cas rolls over on his shoulder, and pulls the covers up higher. Dean smiles and whispers his goodbye before leaving, shutting off the light behind him. He heads for the library with the intent on helping Sam look for a way to save himself. He will try to concentrate, but Dean knows he will feel guilty for not using the time to look into Cas' problem.

 

 

 


	12. Seize the Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean discuss what they will have to do with Cas when they go to hunt Cain. It is too dangerous for him to accompany them, but he also shouldn't be left alone. Later, Cas has some trouble falling asleep and upsets Dean unintentionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry for what happens in this chapter

After Dean left their room, he made his way to the library to help Sam research his case. He would rather be spending his time doing something that would benefit Cas, but he can't help him unless he helps himself. Once he arrives, he sees his brother on his laptop, leaning forwards as he reads something on the screen.

"Hey, Sammy. I'm ready to start." Dean rubs his hands together as he makes his way to the tables where Sam is sat.

Sam turned to him. "It's about time too. And no, I have no ideas on how to help you which is why I need your help."

"Alright," Dean drops his hands on the table as he sits down across from Sam. "We've been through all the books. Any word from Charlie about Cain?"

"She tracked him down to be somewhere around Illinois, but we don't have enough data to actually go out and hunt for him yet."

Dean shrugs. "Sounds like a start. How are we gonna get him to cure me?"

Sam sighs and rubs his forehead. "I don't know, man. Just talk to him, I guess. Maybe he wants it gone as bad as we do."

"Maybe. Or maybe he's just another douche bag out to cause a fucking mess."

"Either way, we gotta go to him and try. But, Dean... I don't think that we should bring Cas with us."

Dean sighed and shook his head. "...I don't want him to go either, but he has to. We just can't leave him while he's like this."

A moment passes as Sam thinks for a solution. "I don't know... maybe Charlie could watch him. I'm sure she'd be cool with it."

"Come on, Sam, _Charlie_ with _Cas_? I give it five minutes before she's lost on why there are bees in my room, and Cas questioning the existence of little guys with hairy feet."

Sam threw his hands up in exasperation. "Then make him watch friggin' Lord of the Rings before we go. We don't have many options, Dean."

"Sam, I don't know what's gonna happen if we leave him here. He's getting headaches, puking up grace, and sleeps all fucking day... Sammy, I _can't_ leave him like this."

"What are we gonna do if we bring him with us?"

Dean ran his hand over his face, irritated about how complicated everything had to be. "We'll have him wait in a motel or something, but we can't just keep him here. Not with him feeling like this. The only reason he looks fine is because I make him happy, but he is so _not_ fine."

Sam leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "And if Cain is going to fight us, I'm sure he'll find out about Cas and use him against us by hurting him."

"Then we leave him in the next city over. He can't _walk_ , Sam, and he's in constant pain. It scares him, and me, to the point where he has _no idea_ if tomorrow will be worse or not..." Dean lowers his head, slightly, swallowing hard as he fights the pain in his chest. "He made me swear to him that if there was ever a day he was constantly suffering with no end in sight, then I'd put him out of his misery..."

Sam sighed and looked to his brother with sympathy. "Dean... I'm sorry about Cas, I really am. And if it gets to the point where he wants to die... and you don't want to be the one to kill him... then I can do it for you, as much as it pains me to say." Sam recalls how difficult it was for him when he had to kill Madison, the werewolf, all those years ago. It tore him apart and took him a while to get over it and he doesn't want Dean to go through the same pain as he had to endure.

But this wasn't Sam's responsibility. "No, Sam... He made _me_ swear. It'll be my job if we can't get this done. He wants me to do it for him... but I'm not gonna let it come to that. Right now, he's getting close and the only reason he keeps going is because I remind him of what will come after we make it through this." Dean smiles weakly, his eye's threatening to spill it's tears. "I proposed to him, Sammy..."

"You did what?!" Sam stares at him, dumbfounded, before smiling sadly. "And here I though I'd never see my big brother tie the knot."

Dean huffs out a small laugh. "Well, I'm gonna... I'm going to marry him, Sammy. We're going to got to a fair, and a zoo, and we're gonna take a road trip at some point." He shrugs. "Maybe with our cat." His smile fades away, the tears remaining on the verge of his eyelids. "I'd do anything for him, and the last thing I want to do is drag him into danger while he's like this... but I can't leave him, Sam."

"I can do it alone. I'll see if I can talk to Cain. You stay her- Your cat?! You have a cat?"

"No, not yet. Apparently, he wants a hairless cat as part of his bucket list."

Sam frowns. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said earlier, with Cas. I was just upset with finding dead frogs in my food."

"Yeah, I know. I knew you would be. But Sam, we've just got to deal with this right now... He's falling into crazy. Look, I have to go after Cain and we can't just leave him here. We have to figure this out."

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

Dean ponders this question for a minute. "You're right- we should bring Charlie, too. She can watch him while we're searching and she can call is there's any trouble. That way we won't be states away from him in case anything goes wrong."

Sam shrugs, finding his plan valid. "I guess that would work as long as she agrees to it. But this is also putting her in danger."

"She's a tough girl, she's been to _Oz_ , might as well ask if she's up for it."

"Yeah, but will she be able to handle _Cas_? They've never met, and he's been unpredictable recently."

"Bring her here first. We'll try to explain things to her, and I'll talk to Cas about messing with food and hobbits."

Sam huffs out a laugh. "But what if Cas doesn't agree with being angelsat?"

Dean crossed his arms. "Well, I'll remind him he's my baby in a trench coat and that he'll just have to deal with it."

"I'm sure he'll just pout if you say that."

Dean shrugs at Sam. "Sorry. That'll be what's best for him. I'll make it up to him late by letting him fuc-... never mind." A deep crimson blush works its way up Dean's neck and onto his face.

Sam raises an eyebrow and chuckles. "Okay, then... how about we start researching now?"

"Yeah, let's do that." Dean clears his throat, thoroughly embarrassed, as he reaches for his laptop.

After a few hours of not finding anything, Dean slammed the front of his laptop down in frustration, and took off in long strides to his and Cas' room to spend the rest of the night with him. As he entered the bedroom slowly and quietly, he couldn't help but smile at the sight of the angel curled up with an arm extended out to Dean's side of the bed. Shucking off his pants and pulling off his shirt, Dean carefully lifted Cas' arm and slipped under it and gently set it back down. Even in his sleep, Cas could tell he was there and scooted towards his warmth and snuggled against him. Dean smiled and kissed the top of his hair as he slung an arm around his waist. He drifted off to sleep peacefully.

 

 

It has been several days- just about a week. Sam has gone to see if Cain was still in Illinois. If he was, Dean would head over there with Cas and Charlie. So far, there has been no sign of him. Sam was doubting if was even still in the state. While Sam was absent, Dean and Cas spent a good portion of the week making love and lazily exchanging lazy kisses in bed. Even though he was sick, Dean has never seen Cas smile as much as he has been doing recently.

It has been a week since Sam left when Cas can't fall asleep one night. Dean has been asleep for several hours, and Cas would hate to wake him, but he was getting bored and tired. But even though he was tired, he still couldn't fall asleep.

"Deeeaaannn wake up." The angel whispered loudly.

Dean mumbles something in his sleep and buries his face further into the pillow, trying to escape the disturbance.

But Cas was relentless and began to poke and tug at one of his ears. "Dean. Dean, pay attention to me."

A light groan is muffled by the pillow and Dean slowly lifts his head to look at his angel. "Cas, all you ever have is my attention."

"That pillow would disagree. I can't sleep and I'm bored."

Dean sighs and sits up, stretching his arms up and rolling his shoulder once his torso was vertical. "What do you wanna do?" He asks as he yawns.

"Sleep. But I can't. What should I do?"

"Hmm, Sammy would say tea can help."

Cas nods. "Tea seems nice. I think I'll try that."

Dean rubs at an eye, sleepily. "D'you know how to make it?"

"Not a clue. I don't know how to make any sort of food or beverage."

Dean huffs out a laugh. "Should've figured... Alright, c'mon, I'll teach you." Dean slowly stands and sticks a hand out to help Cas up.

Cas scoots to the edge of the bed before grabbing his hand and being pulled up onto both of his feet. Dean wraps an arm securely around his waist for support, and casts him a smile. Cas doesn't return it- instead his face is set with determination. He was having more trouble moving his feet recently, and had to work his muscles hard in order to make his way anywhere- even though he now has to be supported as he walks.

By the time they reach the kitchen, Cas is out of breath and panting like a dog. Dean lifts him by the waist and sets him atop of one of the counters. He gives him a quick kiss before turning to begin rummaging through the cabinets.

Cas watches him with interest as he moves about the kitchen. "What is the point of learning how to make it myself if I can't even walk?"

Dean shrugs softly as he opens the cabinets with the mugs. "You will soon."

His optimism made Cas smile- it never fails to. "Any word from Sam recently?"

"Nah, not much." He pulls out a couple of mugs and turns on the faucet to fill them with water. "He's gotten sight of a couple rumors of demigods, but he's more focused on finding Cain."

Cas nods in affirmation. "He is very close to finding him. What will happen once he does?"

Dean places both mugs in the microwave and turns it on. "We'll go after him."

"'We'll'? As in the three of us?"

"Mhmm. Technically, there'll be four. We're bringing our friend, Charlie, too."

"Hm, I've never actually met her yet. But why is she joining us? I thought she preferred to work on a computer?"

"Well, it usually is, but we're bringing her along for a different reason..." Dean steps in front of Cas and looks at him seriously, not expecting him to take the news well. "We're bringing her along to watch you."

Cas furrows his brow in confusion. "To watch me? Dean, I don't need to be 'watched'."

Dean sets his hands on Cas' knees. "Not really to 'watch' you, but just someone to be there, keep an eye out while I'm gone."

Cas' face broke. "I won't be coming with you?"

"You will, to the city, but not to face Cain."

"Then what's the point of me coming along?"

"...Cas, I need you. Why else?"

Cas shakes his head and looks away from Dean's penetrating stare. "You'd still be away from me at the most important part- fighting Cain. I can't be there for you then."

"Hey," Dean sets a hand on the nape of his neck to get him to meet his eyes. "I need you to be out of the way for that, but I'm going to need you to remind me why I'm doing it in the first place before I go to face him. And I'll need you the second I get back."

"If that will help you, then I will do it. I would do anything for you."

Dean gives him a loving smile before leaning in to kiss him softly. "That's what I like to hear." Once the microwave goes off, Dean retrieves the mugs from inside it and sets them on the counter, besides Cas, and gently lowers the teabags into them, letting them soak.

Castiel tilts his head as he watches the water change color. "What type of tea is this?"

"Chamomile. Works like a charm."

Cas gingerly picks up the mug with both hands and takes a small sip. "It tastes okay." He says with a small smile.

"Good. Personally, I think beer works better, but for now, I'll have tea with you." Dean hums lowly as he takes a drag from his mug.

As Cas takes another sip, his hands begin to tremble uncontrollably so he quickly, but gently, sets the mug back down on the counter. He looks at it with a frown. Without speaking, Dean goes to retrieve a travel mug from one of the cabinets and pours what's left of Cas' tea in it. He hands it to him with a sad smile. 

"...Thank you." Cas mumbles as he grips the cup tightly to try to control the tremors of his hands.

Dean brings both of his hands on the counter on either side of Cas' legs and looked into his eyes with a sweet smile. "Hey..."

Cas sheepishly returns his stare. "Hello, Dean."

Dean smiles wider. "What kind of ring do you want?"

A rosy blush tints Cas' cheeks as he gives Dean a toothy grin. "I would like one you make. That is what I was planning on doing for you."

"You're gonna make me a ring?" Dean asks as he looks to him curiously.

Cas nods. "Of course, it will be made after my grace is restored. I can't do it in this state of health."

"How are you gonna make it?"

"Do you know how angel blades are made?"

Dean shrugs. "Not a clue."

"Each angel creates their own with their grace. Essentially, the blade is a part of them. So I was planning on creating the ring with my grace. It will have no negative impact on my health." 

"You're gonna give me a part of your grace?" Dean asks as his eyes widen and voice lowers. He could feel his heart swell. It feels like it was impossible to love Cas even more than he already does, but the angel keeps surprising him.

Cas nods again. "Of course I would. I'd understand if you wouldn't want that, though." Cas didn't want to force Dean to do anything he wasn't comfortable with.

" _Wouldn't want it_?! Cas, wearing your grace, like your _actual grace_ would be awesome! I would love that..."

Another blush color Cas' face as he smiles softly. "Thank you, Dean. That means a lot to me. It really does."

Dean returns the smile for a moment before frowning. "How the hell am I supposed to match that?!"

Cas huffs out a laugh. "You don't need to worry. I'm sure I will love anything you make for me."

"Yeah, but I can't just get you a _normal_ ring. You're an angel, you're holy, you're _Cas_! I can't get you something that isn't special!"

"Dean. Angels may seem like superior beings in your eyes, but angels see humans as walking works of art that are brilliant and creative. I am always left awestruck at what you manage to accomplish. There's nothing you can't do."

Dean smirks. "You sound like a motivational life coach."

"In that case, I hope I'm good at my job. Do you feel motivated yet?" Cas asks with a tilt of his head.

"Yup, I already have a plan in mind!" Dean actually did not have a single clue on how to make a ring for Castiel.

But Cas quirks a smile anyways, believing that he has inspired Dean with his little speech. "Good." He lifts a hand and cards it through Dean's hair.

Dean hums and leans into his touch. "How do you feel?"

"Emotionally or physically?"

"Both. Give me a full report."

"Emotionally, I feel comfortable. Physically, I feel Hell."

A frown would of worked its way onto Dean's face if it weren't for his self control. He gave Cas a sad smile instead. "I know it's hard... We're almost through this..."

"Almost? What makes you say that?"

"We've got a spell, some of the ingredients, plenty of blood, Crowley's getting the stuff for the wing spell... So far all we need is the heart if an unfortunate half-god."

 "And we need Crowley to pull through with the spell to get my feather." Cas adds.

"He will. He's not worming his way out of this one."

Cas nods. "Right. Dean, I forget. What is Crowley looking for again?"

"...You _forget_?" This can't be good.

"Yes, I've forgotten."

"...He's looking for a spell for Och. Cas, are you forgetting things?"

The angel shrugs. "I don't know. If I've forgotten things, then how am I supposed to know they've been forgotten?"

Dean ponders for a moment, shaking his head. "Yeah, well, okay. Let's see what you remember- What's your name?"

"Castiel. Dean, I know who I am."

"Just starting with the basics. What do I drive?"

"A car."

Dean would have laughed if this wasn't such a serious moment. "Do you know what kind?"

"Impala. I think it's the more of the recent stuff. My memory is fuzzy around the last few months."

"Alright, how long ago did you start running on borrowed grace?"

Cas shakes his head. "I... don't know."

"Where did we first have sex?"

"Here, in the bunker..." Cas was pretty sure it had been in this building. But he wasn't completely confident in his answer.

"Any place specific?"

"...In a bed?" People had sex on beds. It made sense.

But Dean gives him a frown. "On the couch, actually... That's why Sam never sits there."

"Oh. Of course..." Cas looks away from Dean.

"...What are the ingredients to your spell?"

"I know it requires blood from the both of us and a demigod heart."

Dean furrows his brow slightly. "It doesn't need your blood Cas, just your feather and proof of your holiness. We were gonna use my blood for that."

"Oh..." Cas was scared about losing his memory. He doesn't want to forget any of his memories that have Dean in them. "I seem to be losing my memory..."

"But you've got the important stuff, that's what matters now."

"Losing my entire memory will take a while considering how old I am." Cas wanted to look for an upside to this.

"Mhmm. When were you created?"

"A long time ago. I lost count of how many years specifically."

"Do you have a favorite day of the year, or something?"

"Why?" Cas asks. This had nothing to do with memory, so he was interested on what Dean was trying to figure out.

"I think we should find you a birthday. You get another year older like the rest of us even though you're immortal, so might as well celebrate."

Cas smiles. "I like September 18th."

Dean furrows his brow in confusion. "Why that day in particular?"

"It is the day I officially freed you from Hell. The day you crawled out of your grave."

Dean looks to him in surprise as his heart melts. He fucking loves this angel. "You want that to be your birthday?"

Cas gives him a half-smile and nods. "It is the day I became a part of your life."

Dean brings his hands to the angel's neck and quickly pulls him in for a strong kiss that is eagerly reciprocated. Cas grabs the back of his head to deepen it.

They pull away, slightly panting against each other's lips as they smiled softly at one another. Dean is the first to speak. "You tired yet?"

He gets a nod from Cas in response. Dean chuckles and kisses his forehead. "Want me to carry you?" This earns him another nod so he turned around in Cas' embrace and pulled his legs around his waist. Cas wrapped his arms around his neck once Dean told him to.

As Dean carried Cas out piggy-back style, he turns right instead of left, leaving their room behind them.

Cas furrowed his brow at looked behind them. "Where are we going?"

Dean smirks as they begin to approach the couch. "Well, I figured since your memory is getting a little hazy, you could take a nap in a place you should get familiar with." He gently lies Cas down across the sofa and inserts himself between the angel's open and welcoming arms. He gave him a slow kiss and pulls back to speak against his lips. "Feel familiar?"

Cas closes his eyes, smiling. "Yes, I remember it now. In bits and pieces." His hips shift up into Dean's, seeking friction.

Dean presses back against them, grinning as he wraps his arms around Cas' waist. "Do you remember how you felt?"

A groan escapes Cas' lips as they part. "Yes... it was one of the best feelings in the world."

Dean hums next to his ear and lowers his voice seductively. "Do you remember what I was curious about?"

"About what angel tasted like." Cas whispers in response.

"Mhmm..." Dean looks down at Cas darkly. "And you tasted _awesome_."

A shiver makes its way through Cas' body. "I remember it now... having sex here..." His hands tighten around Dean's back.

"Well, that's good." Dean smiles at him before kissing him deeply. Cas hums against his lips, licking his way into his mouth, desperate to get inside the wet, hot cave. Cas also grabs a tuft of Dean's hair, which causes the man to groan. Dean sits up, pulling Cas with him, grabbing his thighs and pulling him onto his lap. They both roll their hips forward in unison, working a moan out of the both of their mouths.

Dean pulls back from his mouth with a smirk. "Always so eager..." He slips his fingers under Cas' shirt and pulls it over his head. Cas quickly tugs his shirt off and runs his hands up his muscular chest. Dean instantly begins to attack the angels neck with small bites and kisses as his hands make their way up his back.

Castiel moans loudly as he rolls his hips forward before suddenly stopping, eyes unfocused and mouth hanging open.

Dean quickly notices the change and leans back, brushing a hand over his cheek. "Cas, you okay?" He asks worriedly. Instead of answering, Cas loses consciousness and falls sideways to the floor. "CAS!" Dean's voice breaks as he tries to catch him before he hits the ground, but fails. Cas' body begins to spasm uncontrollably as his eyes roll to the back of his head. Castiel was having a seizure. Luckily, Dean knew what to do. He shoved the couch and coffee table away and grabbed a pillow, and setting Cas' head on top of it. Blood begins to flow from his mouth since Cas had bit his tongue.

Throughout the two minutes the seizure lasts, Dean is sobbing uncontrollably by his side, begging for him to wake up. Once it was over, Castiel's body goes limp. Dean quickly pulls his body into his arms, cradling him as he cries out for him.

"Cas! Cas, please, please, fucking wake up! Talk to me, please!" His voice breaks multiple times throughout his pleas.

But Cas' eyes do blink open a few seconds later, looking up to Dean's tear stained face with worry. "...Dean?"

The air in Dean's lungs are punched out of him as he sees Cas' sapphire eyes looking straight up at him. He pulls the angel in closer before dropping his head, struggling to fight back more tears.

"Dean? What happened? Are you okay?" Cas didn't seem to notice the bite in his tongue and the blood flowing out of his mouth. His priority was Dean.

Instead of answering him, Dean stands up and quickly carries Cas to the bathroom and sets him down on the counter between two sinks. He begins to scramble through some doors in search of a flashlight. Once found, he returns in front of Cas.

"Open your mouth." He says, blank of any emotion. Cas reluctantly opens, still confused on what was happening, but wasn't about to disobey Dean. Dean turns on the light and shines it into his mouth. "Stick out your tongue." Cas does as he says and pokes at it with a finger, just now realizing that it was wounded. "Don't touch it." Dean says as he shoves his hand away. He inspects the bite mark and determines that it won't need stitches, but will definitely be sore. He grabs a cup of water, fills it up, and has Cas wash out his mouth.

When Cas has finally had enough of the silence, he grabs him by the shoulder. "Dean, please tell me what happened. You're scaring me."

"You had a seizure, Cas." He says as he takes the cup back from him, avoiding his eyes.

"...A seizure? Just now? What happened?"

Dean wets a wash cloth and wrings it out before raising it to Cas' face to wipe the blood of it gently. "You just stopped, Cas... like a switch, and you fell off of the couch... I couldn't catch you in time."

Cas looks downward in thought, looking throughout his memories to try and find when this had happened. "I'm sorry, Dean. I must have scared you."

Dean lowers his head to catch Cas' eyes with his own. "Stop apologizing, Cas... You didn't do it for kicks. It just happed." When Cas didn't respond, he began to card his fingers through his hair to search for a bump since he had fallen head-first off of the couch.

Cas notices that both of their torsos were bare. "Were we in the middle of intercourse?"

Unsure of whether to smile or frown, Dean just looked at him with an emotionless face. "We were getting there."

Cas notices hot expressionless he was being and laid a hand on the nape of his neck. "Are _you_ okay, though?"

Dean looks down, swallowing hard. "...Yeah, I'm fine, Cas..."

The angel moves his hand to his cheek and strokes it with his thumb. "No you're not. I'm fine, Dean. Really."

Dean grabs his wrist, pulling it back gently and avoids his gaze. "You want to go to bed, right?"

"Dean. Look at me." Cas says sternly.

The man keeps his eyes off of him for a moment longer before yielding and turning to him with a heavy frown and tears lining his eyes.

Upon seeing this, Cas grabs his face with both hands. "Dean... I'm fine. I'm okay. I know that you're worried and scared but you give me hope. I'm positive everything is going to turn out alright, so please don't worry about me so much."

Dean sighs heavily as he shuts his eyes and wraps his arms tightly around his angel and pressing their foreheads together. "If I give you hope then I'm going to keep giving the best I can..."

"You make me feel as if everything is okay when reality is anything but. You're doing well."

Then whatever the hell it is, I'm gonna keep doing it." Dean's voice breaks and he bites his lip. He pulls back from Cas and lays his hands on the angel's thighs. "You're tired, right?"

Castiel nods and rests his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean picks him up, Cas' arms wrapping around his neck as he curls his legs around his waist. It was a slow walk to their room, and when Dean lays Cas down and pulls the covers over him, he doesn't crawl in bed with him.

He gives the angel a fake smile. "Try to get some sleep."

"Okay, Dean. Goodnight." Cas appears to fall asleep instantly, and Dean gives him a soft kiss on his head before leaving the room.

He was pent up with rage. He had to release it. Dean made his way into the garage and picked up a crowbar. Cas was dying. He took a swing at one of the cars from the Men of Letters, causing the windshield to crack. Cas just had a seizure. He took another swing and shattered another window completely. Cas might die. Dean began to swing the metal bar onto the hood of the car repeatedly, shouting and cursing at the world with each swing.

It took a little less than half an hour to take out all the anger on the innocent car. When he was done with it, there was no longer any glass intact and the car was littered in dents and was no longer drivable.

Dean returned to their bedroom and saw that Cas was still asleep. He took a shower before crawling into bed with him and pulling the angel close to his chest. He pressed his face into Cas' hair and cried himself to sleep.


	13. Charlie's Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie tracks down a group of demigods in one area and Dean 'n Cas head over there to check it out. Since Cas is too ill to help with the hunt, Charlie is brought to angel-sit. Of course, Cas is not fond of the idea and feels as if he is useless to Dean and Sam (who is still looking for Cain at this time).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to update. I've been hella busy. Buuuut there is a special guest appearance in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!

Dean shifts a bit in bed, unconsciously, groaning and keeping his eyes shut, not wanting to wake up yet. Cas hears his groan and flops an arm on his Dean's face to get him to shut up. It was too early to leave bed, so he will do whatever necessary to stay in.

Dean is fully awake now that the arm had come down atop his face. He shoves his arm off and sits up to look down at the angel beside him. Cas stretches out like a cat onto Dean's portion of the bed, stealing his spot. Dean scoffs and turns over to fall on top of the angel with a victorious grin. Cas grunts at the impact and knees Dean in his side lightly as he chuckles softly.

But Dean was on top and had more power. He brought his hands to Cas' sides and tickled him relentlessly, causing the angel to curl in on himself as he laughs. Cas tries to push him away with his hands, but to no avail.

The hands are removed from his sides and Castiel looks up to see Dean hovering over him, grinning and huffing out a laugh. Cas sits up, chuckling, and buries his head in the crook of his neck. Dean wraps his arm around the body in front of him and kisses the top of his head.

"Pleasant way to wake up?" He asked his angel.

Cas nods and sighs in content. "After I get my grace back, I still want things to be like this..."

Dean furrows his brow and looks down at him. "What do you mean?"

"Being here with you. I want what we have now to be the same after I get better."

Dean smiles softly and presses his forehead to Cas'. "It will be just like this. You and me, for eternity." Normally, Dean wouldn't be such the romantic, but Cas was different. He was special and deserved the best.

Castiel looks to him with adoration in his eyes. "I am looking forwards to it. And I'll also get rid of the bees." He said, quirking a smile.

"I'll take you to an actual bee farm sometime, deal?"

Cas smiles widely. "It's a deal." He gives Dean a soft kiss on the mouth, which the hunter eagerly reciprocates, moving a hand up to gently hold Cas' face.

Dean pulls away with a smile. "What do you want to do? Can't stay in bed all day, unfortunately."

Cas rubs at his eyes. "Sleep. But I know you'll object to that."

"You can go back to sleep, Cas." Dean said with a shrug. "I was just gonna go make burgers. But, hey, sleeps good, too." He grins and pats Cas' shoulder before standing and heading to the door.

But Cas wasn't okay with that plan. He reaches out to Dean. "No, Dean! Wait! I changed my mind!"

Dean turns around and lingers in the doorway, suppressing a smirk. "Hmm?"

Cas pulls himself to the edge of the bed to get closer to him. "I want to eat burgers, too!"

Although Dean tried to hold back a smile, he failed, and a grin appeared on his face, spreading from ear to ear. He steps closer. "You sure?"

Cas reaches out a hand again, as if to prove himself. "Positive. I'm not sleepy anymore."

Dean grins and makes his way back over to Cas, grabbing him under his arms and raising him from the bed unnecessarily before pulling him close and starting to walk out. From the start, Cas couldn't seem to keep his feet under control. He tripped over nothing on several occasions, clinging to Dean to keep from falling. Dean hums and ducks down, scooping Cas up and carrying him bridal-style the rest of the way and set him down on top of the table.

Cas sits on the table, thinking for a moment, but just rubs his eyes before speaking. "You getting the burgers now?"

"Yup!" Dean walks over to the fridge and pulls out microwavable premade burgers, turning back to face Cas with a smile. "You don't even have to wait long this time."

"Thank you...Dean, you would tell me anything that's bothering you, right?" Cas was worried for Dean. The seizure was two weeks ago and Dean has been tense ever since. He never said anything, which is what made him worry more. Dean never says anything if something was troubling him.

Dean sets the burgers in the microwave and leans back on the counter as he sets the timer, giving Cas a light shrug. "Of course I would, Cas."

Cas stares at him for a moment before looking down at his hands that lie in his lap. "We don't talk about how you feel often enough."

Dean furrows his brow and frowns. "What do you mean?"

"You know how I'm doing and how I feel about this but you don't talk about how you are."

Dean simply shrugs again, blowing it off. "I feel fine."

That really irritated Cas. It was obvious that he was, in fact, _not_ fine. Who would be? "You feel fine. Okay. You feel fine about how I'm dying right in front of you and that there is a chance that we can't save me?"

Dean narrows his eyes at the angel, making his voice stern. "Cas, don't do that."

"Don't do what? Speak the truth?"

"No, it's not the truth, and you know that so let it be." Dean began to raise his voice.

Cas matched his volume as he spoke. "I just want you to talk to me, Dean!"

"Dammit, Cas! I can't do that, so don't try to force me!"

"Why? Why can't you? I just want to know what you're feeling!"

"I FEEL LIKE HELL! I feel like no matter what I try to do for you, you only get _worse_! I still feel like it's my fault and you'd be better off never saving me from hell! I feel like you're the most awesome thing that's ever wedged its way into my toxic shithole of a life and I don't know if I can protect you even after this is over! I feel like, for the millionth time, my fucking _world_ is collapsing, Cas! I feel like even if I get lucky enough and I save you, I'm going to fuck it up somehow! That's all I ever do, Cas, I _ruin_ things! That's probably why I've got this damn mark, because I was designed for breaking shit! God knows it did wonders for our first date! I fucking _ruined_ _everything_ and no one else can take the blame. Not you, not Sam, _me_. All I ever do is wreck things, so if I've got to try and fix something, to build it up, so long as it's not in pieces in front of me, I say it's _fine_." Dean pants slightly as he tries to catch his breath from his rant.

"Dean..." Cas replies softly. "It's not your fault. Don't you think if an angel falls in love with someone, then that means that someone has a good soul. I wouldn't love someone destructive."

"This isn't about my fucking soul Cas, this is about what I do and what I've done. Have you seen me? I _am_ destructive, Cas!"

This angered Cas to see Dean speak of himself so negatively. "Well, so am I! I know what it feels like to break everything you touch, too!"

"Come on, Cas, you don't _break_ everything..."

"I broke your brother. I nearly killed you. I slaughtered thousands of angels and hundreds of humans. Shall I go on? That is only the beginning."

Dean shakes his head, looking away from Cas. "That wasn't your fault, Cas. That doesn't mean anything."

"Don't let your feelings for me get in the way of the facts. I have blood on my hands that I will never be able to wash off."

Dean shoots his gaze back to Cas, tears lining his eyes. "You didn't mean it, though. None of it was intentional!"

"Wasn't it, though?" Cas replied bitterly. "No one was controlling me and nothing was wrong with my mind when I conspired with Crowley against you."

"You had a higher cause, you didn't _want_ to hurt me!"

"But I wanted to play God. And I worked with the King of Hell. It was my fault the leviathans got back into the world and _so many_ people died because of it!" His eyes begin to blur as tears slowly begin to leak from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks.

Dean strides over quickly to him and clutches both of his shoulders to get his attention. "Hey! Hey, dammit! You were trying to fill in for a God who wasn't there, you wanted to _save_ your family, Cas, that's all you ever tried to do!"

Cas sniffled. "I did a very poor job at it. I only made things worse for this world."

"Hey, no you didn't. You made _mistakes_ , Cas, those things happen to everyone! We make big mistakes, but we do it in trying to help! We're working on getting the angels your wings back!"

"I let the leviathans loose who went and dug up their tablet. You and Sam took it and made Kevin the prophet, and you eventually find out there are more tablets which were all written by Metatron. You go and talk to him which makes him sought me out and convinces me to help him, where he ends up tricking me and stealing my grace which casts the angels out of heaven. It's _all_ my fault!" The tears began to flow faster.

Dean wraps his arms around Cas, bringing him in for a tight hug. "What the hell kind of logic is that? _Things happened_ , Cas, its like the domino effect! Did you know Metatron was planning on making the angels fall? Or that the leviathans would dig up their tablet?"

Cas shakes his head as he grips Dean's shoulders tightly. "No, but it happened. And I was the one to push that first domino."

"Did you know?! How the hell could you have the slightest clue about what would happen?! It's not your fault, Cas, none of this is!"

Cas squeezes his eyes shut. "If it is my fault, then maybe this is my punishment. Dying slowly and painfully while the man I loves watches."

Dean grabbed Cas by the collar of his shirt and yanked him close to his face. "Dammit, Cas, stop it! Stop it right now! You're not getting punished for anything, and we're going to get through this! I'll save you, Cas, as much as you need to help save yourself, and we'll get married and wake up together every morning, groaning and pushing each other around because I love nothing more in this world than waking up and hearing your laughter and your _voice,_ and seeing you smile. I want to do that for the rest of my life, Cas. I want to do that for all of eternity!"

Cas releases a shaky sigh and nods. "I know I'm going to be okay. My life is in the hands of Dean Winchester."

Hearing that causes Dean to pull back, eyes widening a bit as his voice tightens and lowers. "You still have faith in me..."

"I've always had faith in you. The day I don't is the day I die."

"... _Why_?"

"Because even though you may break a few things here and there, you always make things better as you move on." Cas smiles lightly at Dean who remains silent for a moment before wrapping his arms around the angel tightly. Cas hugs him back and moves his lips to his ear. "You're a good man, Dean Winchester. Angels envy you because you do more good than them."

Dean clenches his jaw, fighting to hold back tears and replying gruffly. "If I'm good, then you're the best damn angel in all of heaven."

Castiel smiles. "Okay. I'll settle with that. The best man and the best angel."

A dry laugh works its way out of Dean. "Guess we were meant to be, huh?"

Cas smiles again and nods. "We'll be each others rocks and look out for one another."

"I don't want you to think of me as your rock, Cas. I break too easy." Dean raises a hand to caress Cas' cheek as he looks into his sapphire eyes. "I'm your _partner_ , and I'm a shoulder for you to lean on and hold you up when you need it...Like you do for me...Deal?"

Cas leans into his touch and smiles softly. "It's a deal. Rocks are boring anyways."

Dean huffs out a laugh and pulls his angel in for a strong kiss. Cas returns it with equal force, bringing both hands to hold both sides of his face. Dean runs his tongue over Cas' lips, prying them open just before they are interrupted by Dean's ringing phone. Dean groaned in irritation as he pulled away and took out his phone to answer it.

As Dean speaks to whoever it was on the phone, Cas sighs and taps his fingers on the table, looking to Dean curiously. Then, Dean's eyes light up, getting excited as he listened. He bid whoever the caller was a 'goodbye' before hanging up, turning to Cas with a wide smile on his face.

"We've got a lead!"

"A lead? Who, what, when, where, why, how?"

"Um, let's see... Charlie, demigod, just now, couple hours out, because we need their heart, and by killing it. Got it?"

Cas smirks and nods. "But will I be going along with you?" Cas knows he would only slow Dean down. There was no advantage to being brought along.

"Well, I'd be pretty miserable without you."

That got Cas to smile sheepishly before he suddenly frowned. He reached down to his feet and began to pinch them with a frantic expression on his face.

Dean furrows his brow. "Why are you doing that?"

Cas raised his head, looking to the hunter seriously. "I can't feel my feet."

Dean feels a lump growing hard in this throat as he tried to keep his eyes from widening in shock. He tries to play it off with a smile, as to not worry Cas. "Guess that means I'll get to spoil you more and carry you around."

A frown stays on Cas' lips. "I want to walk..." He sticks out his leg and grunts with effort as he tries to move a foot, but failing. He drops his leg with a broken expression on his features.

Dean steps in font of him, bringing a hand to his face, drawing Cas' attention to him. "Hey, don't worry about that right now. We're going to get one of the ingredients needed to fix it right now."

"Then lets go," Cas says seriously. "Lets get this over with."

"Alright..." Dean goes to pick up Cas before stopping in thought. "Hey, Cas?"

"What is it?" Cas' arms were already over his shoulders, ready to be lifted.

Dean smirks. "Have I ever given you a piggyback ride?"

Castiel tilts his head. "I don't think so considering I don't know what that is."

Dean grins and pulls back from his arms, turning around and presenting his back to him, leaning back between the angel's legs. "Climb on like you usually do."

Cas smiles and huffs out a small laugh, wrapping his legs around Dean's waist and looping his arms around the hunter's neck.  

Dean pulls Cas away from the table, his hands under Cas' thighs, and began to walk away, leaving the kitchen and moving through the halls.

He looked over his shoulder to check on the passenger. "How you doin', Cas?"

Cas lays his head on Dean's shoulder. "I like this. I can actually see where we're going."

"I figured you'd enjoy the view. What do you want to pack?"

As he thinks, Cas hums. "Whatever you think is necessary."

"No board games?"

"I don't feel like it." Cas wasn't feeling up to it. He was really upset about his feet, but didn't bring it up with Dean to spare him the trouble.

Dean shrugs as he adjusts his hands. "Suit yourself. I'm sure there's other things we can do to pass the time."

"Like sleeping?"

"If that's what you want to do."

Cas nods. "Mhm. I don't think I'll be conscious for a good portion of this trip."

As they arrive to the common room, Dean walks over to the couch and sets Cas down onto it gently. "You need to rest, Cas. One of the best things for you."

"No arguments there." Cas says as he curls up into a ball and begins to drift off into sleep. Dean chuckles softly at the sight and leaves Cas so he could pack.

After packing and throwing the luggage into the trunk of the Impala, Dean returned to Cas and picked him up bridal-style, carrying him to the car, and laying him down inside, making sure that Cas' head was cushioned on his lap. Cas doesn't wake during the transition, though he did squirm a little. Dean cards a hand through the angels hair as he pulls out of the garage and drives away.

It was about an hour later when Dean's phone rang. He quickly answered it to avoid waking Cas.

"Hello?" He answered gruffly

" _Squirrel! Mission accomplished_!" It was Crowley.

"What d'you got?" Dean asked impatiently.

" _There is a spell for getting the rats their wings back and I have the list of ingredients necessary for it_." Crowley boasted.

"Alright, what do you want?"

" _Well, everything is simple, really, but will take time to come across. Except for one ingredient in particular. I wanted to run this by you so you don't go blowing a fuse and decide to kill me_." The demon said jokingly.

"...What is it?"

" _It requires the souls of one hundred people. Freshly killed, too. In short, if you want the spell, I'm going to be killing lots of people, so don't blame me for their deaths_."

Dean clenches his jaw, trying to think before glancing back down to Cas, who remains asleep. Angels aren't supposed to sleep. Cas is sick. Castiel is dying. "Do it."

" _Fantastic! I've been in need of a lovely holiday. I better pull out my favorite dagger_."

"Alright, you got some leeway. Does this mean we're even?"

" _As even as a hunter and the king of Hell can get_."

"Good. How soon can you have it done?"

" _Within a day I can have those people killed. But collecting the other ingredients will take time_."

" _How soon_?" Dean tightened his grip around the wheel.

" _Easy, boy, I'm working on it. It may take several weeks_."

"I don't _have_ several week!" Dean growled. "Dammit, I'm running on borrowed time as it is!"

" _Do you realize how difficult it will be to harvest the heart of a_ siren _during a bloody_ blue moon?!" Crowley shouted at him.

Dean bites his tongue to refrain from retaliating with a smart-ass comment before carefully picking his words. "Look, I need that spell as fast as you can make it. If you can get it to me sooner, I'll figure something out to pay you."

" _Lucky for you, I find that fairy of yours very useful_."

"Yeah, well not for long unless you get your ass moving."

" _I'm in Greece as we speak. I'm working. And if he does die, it won't be the end of the world for me_."

"Oh, it will be. I'm _counting on you_. He dies, we're both going down with him. I'll make sure of that." Dean threatened.

" _I advise you not to threaten the demon that has the power to let your hot wings live or die_."

Dean wrings his hand around the phone in anger, remaining silent.

" _Thaaaat's right, Dean Bean_." Crowley teased. " _If anything, you should be glad I'm not having you kiss my shoes. But knowing where that mouth of yours has been, I'd rather not_."

Dean smirks darkly. "I thought you wanted to join." He instantly regretted saying that.

" _Is that an invitation_?" Crowley joked. " _I might just have to take you up on that offer. You can't see it, but I'm winking_."

"Thanks for the image. Are we done here?"

" _Hopefully. Or do you want to cry about your problems to me as I pretend to listen_?"

"I think I'm good."

" _Mm, then in that case 'laterz'_!" Crowley hangs up and Dean stuffs his phone back in his pocket, scowling, as he thinks about how he is not the great man Cas thinks he is.

 

 

It has been several hours since Dean and Cas have arrived at a motel. Cas still hadn't waken, and he lays in bed where Dean had tucked him in earlier. Dean was going to go out and hunt the demigod, but he couldn't leave Cas alone. He had called up Charlie and asked her to watch Cas while he hunts. She agreed and was meeting them up here. Now, Dean waits for her to arrive so he could leave.

There was a loud knock on the door, Dean jumps out of his chair and immediately opens it to find Charlie behind it. He moved out of the way as she steps inside.  
  
Charlie turns to him to speak. "Dean, we need to talk. I can’t just-"  
  
Dean raises hands and cuts her off "Shhhhhhhhhhh!" Cas was still sleeping and he didn't want her to wake him up.  
  
She sighs and begins whispering. "Dean, I can’t do this."  
  
"Yes you can."  
  
"No I can’t! Dean, you called me asking if I could watch a friend for you, not a billions of years old embodiment of holiness!"  
  
"He’s a person, Charlie, not just an angel. He can’t even use his powers."  
  
Charlie raises her voice. "That doesn’t make him any less intimidating!"  
  
Cas shifts under the sheet, causing everyone goes silent before Dean speaks softer. "Look, he’s not anything you need to worry about. I told him about you. He’s just sick Charlie... I’m asking you to be here just in case anything happens."  
  
"In case _what_ happens?"  
  
"I don’t know. Look, just be here for him, alright? Keep him company and try to take his mind off things."  
  
"Dean, I’m a larping nerd hacker who studies Khuzdul and goes to hogwarts online! I’m not qualified to angel sit!"

Cas shifts again, but wakes this time. He slowly sits up and squints his eyes as he tries to make out the two figures in the room. "Dean?...Who...?"

Dean shoots Charlie a glare for waking Cas before walking over to him. "Cas, this is our friend Charlie."

"Oh," Cas stretches his arms and yawns. "Why is she here? And when did we stop at a motel?"

As he thinks of what to say, Dean glances back at Charlie before returning his attention to Cas. "She's here to keep you company while I'm gone, Cas." He said sadly.

"While you hunt the demigod? Dean, I'm fine on my own. It won't be for that long...as far as I know."

Dean looks at him seriously. "Can you feel both of your feet?"

Cas couldn't meet his eyes with his own. "No..."

"That's what I thought." Dean lays a hand on the back of Cas' neck, encouraging the angel to look at him. "I won't be gone long. Charlie has rented her own room, so we'll celebrate when I get back, okay?" He gave Cas a smirk.

Charlie stepped up, waving her hands as if invisible. "Yeah, hey guys, I'm still right here..."

Cas only sighs. "Okay, Dean. Make it quick." He quirks a small smile for him to show that he'll be fine with Charlie.

Dean smiles back and gives him a quick kiss on the lips before standing and heading to the door. "Back in a flash." He winks at Cas as he exits the room.

Immediately, Cas' face drops as he looks over to Charlie, shyly. "...Hello, Charlie. We've...never met in person."

Charlie smiles awkwardly as she steps closer. "Hey there, Cas...Yeah, I've heard a lot about you."

"I've heard plenty of you, as well. Sorry for not getting around to meeting you before now."

"Oh no, you've been...busy." She carefully sits down on the edge of the bed, still nervous about him being an angel. "And I've been up to...well, not much really, outside looking for a demigod."

"Oh," Cas sits up more, leaning back against the headboard. "Are you nervous? Being around me? I understand that me not being human tends to make others uncomfortable." 

Charlie turns to sit crisscross on the bed, facing Cas. "Oh no, I'm not uncomfortable. I'm just...fascinated. I can't believe I'm actually sitting with a real life angel-of-the-lord. It's like meeting Galadriel."

"...Galadriel? Is that the name of an angel? I'm unfamiliar with them..."

"No...At least I don't think so." She scooted closer to him, smiling, ready to teach him about Middle Earth. "She's the white elf in Tolkien's books and movie adaptations. She's really powerful and can read people's thoughts, speak to them inside their brains. She's wicked awesome!"

Cas nods, though not quite understanding everything being said. "That sounds...interesting."

Charlie smiles softly. "So...what do you want to do?"

"Go to Dean."

Charlie's face drops a little and she casts her gaze downwards. "Yeah...I know it sucks not being able to be there..." She looks back up, smiling sadly. "You got me, though."

Cas gives her a small smile in return. "I'm sorry you have to watch me when you have more important things to do."

"Important things?" She huffs out a laugh. "What did Dean tell you about me? I don't do much."

"He says you work on the computer so I assumed you worked a lot." Cas said with a shrug.

"Get that from Sam's perspective? Cas, I spend my days playing World of Warcraft and roleplaying."

"You dabble in war craft? You must be skilled in battles, then."

"Oh no, no it's an RPG game. It's got orcs and sorcerers, all kinds of cool stuff. I'm not really that much of a hunter. I'm...more of an advisor."

Cas tilts his head in confusion. "You say more things I don't understand than the Winchesters."

Charlie chuckles softly. "Sorry. A lot of people don't understand, either. What do you like to do?"

"Twister. Preferably with Dean, though." Cas replied, smirking at their inside joke.

But Charlie didn't catch the innuendo and shrugged. "I like Twister. We could play that if you want."

Cas' eyes immediately widen and he quickly shakes his head. "N-no!"

Charlie flinches back in surprise and raises her hands to calm the angel. "O-okay, no Twister!...Geez, you do a lot of things I don't understand either."

"No, its just because..." Cas thought quickly to come up with a lie. "...I can't feel my feet. It wouldn't work." He avoids eye contact.

"O-oh...that makes sense..." Charlie gazes off a moment, taking note of the awkward silence. "So, is there any other games you like that we can actually play?"

"Monopoly. But I didn't think to bring it."

"I have the hobbit addition in my car."

Cas tilts his head again. "...Hobbit? What is hobbit?"

Charlie smiles fondly. "They're little creatures, similar to you and I, but they're about half our size, so they're sometimes called Halflings. They're quirky and some of the most polite people you'd ever meet, and they throw crazy parties. But only five have ever really gone on any adventures."

"I go on many adventures. And this body is a vessel. I'm really about the size of a skyscraper and a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. Therefore, hobbits are similar to _you_ , not me."

Charlie huffs out another laugh. "Just paraphrasing...You do remind me of this one particular hobbit, though..."

"Which one?"

"His name is Bilbo. He's a very special hobbit. One day he's a normal hobbit, and the next he's part of a company of thirteen dwarves, off on a quest."

"Well, I'm in the company of two Winchesters. But I've had plenty of adventures before I met them."

"That's true. But Bilbo's task for the quest wasn't one he knew how to do. A wizard appointed him on as a burglar."

Cas shrugs. "I suppose I could relate. I had no idea how to seduce Dean, but it turned out that putting bees in his room did it."

Charlie gives him a small laugh. "I think your task was a little different from Bilbo's, Cas...Bilbo was under the leadership of Thorin Oakenshield, king under the mountain."

"But Dean is Dean Winchester. The Righteous Man. Savior of the Earth."

"Mhm. And Thorin was the savior of his people. At first, he doubted Bilbo, and Bilbo doubted how he was suitable for his job." Charlie explained.

"But did this 'Oakenshield' save the _planet_ on multiple occasions? No. You say he saved a kingdom. Dean is better." Cas says with a pout.

"It's not a contest, Cas, it's just a story. Listen, the connection I'm trying to make is that Dean is Thorin and you are Bilbo. At first things were 'ehh'...but by the end of the story, they've proven they'd die for each other, they trust each other more than anything. And all they want is each other's happiness. Plus, Bilbo doesn't really understand dwarfish culture stuff..." Charlie decided to leave the part out where Thorin dies. 

"Oh. I see." Cas suddenly furrows his brow and brings a hand to his stomach. "That's odd... It's much too soon for this to be happening..."

Charlie widens her eyes and jumps off the bed, onto her feet. "...Are you going to be sick?"

Cas quickly nods. "I'm going to need a bucket. And fast."

Charlie turns and scrambles around the room, looking for something that could be used as a bucket before coming across the ice bucket. She grabbed it and whisked it away to Cas who immediately pukes up the black goo into it. He wipes his mouth with his wrist once done before noticing that some of the goo had gotten onto his shirt. He passes the bucket back to Charlie.

"Here, Charlie."

Charlie hesitates before taking it away quickly, shutting her eyes as she sets it on top of the dresser. " _So_ not qualified for angel-sitting." She murmured. 

Cas glares at her before looking back down to his stained shirt and pulling it off, tossing it to the ground. "I don't require watching..." He mumbled.

Charlie sighs and makes her way back to Cas, frowning. "Look, Cas, I'm sorry... I'm not good at this sort of thing...When I meet new people it's either behind a computer screen or when I'm in character at LAIR...I don't really know how to, you know, make conversation...I don't think you need watching, I think you just need someone here, like, just in case..."

"In case of what? I can't leave this bed, so what am I going to do?"

"In case you need to puke like you just did. You said something about it being early, right? What would've happened if you couldn't reach a bucket?"

"I would have expelled the matter on the floor. I don't need a bucket." Cas crosses his arms like a pouting child.

Charlie scoffs and steps closer. "Yeah, you would've been embarrassed out of your mind when Dean came back! At least I can throw it out for you..."

"I don't care about embarrassing myself. I just want to at least _walk_ on my own again."

Charlie sighs softly and sits at the foot of the bed. "Listen, Cas...you're going to be able to walk soon, but for now...it's gonna suck. I'm obviously not making it any better, but Dean will and when he gets back, you two can play 'Twister' or whatever. I'm sorry I can't do anything for you."

Cas rubs his eyes. "Dean _is_ very good at plying Twister...and it would also help put his mind at ease...He's been a bit tense since I had that seizure."

"Well, yeah. No wonder why. It's probably as hard as it is for him as it is for you, that's why he tries so hard to keep you going." Charlie says.

"It's difficult, Charlie, to 'keep going'. I just want to sleep all day and night."

Charlie nods in understanding. "I bet. How often does Dean make sure you _can_ sleep? When I walked in he made me whisper."

"He lets me sleep whenever I want. Turns down the music in the car, too."

"Alright, and he makes sure you're eating?" Charlie asks. "He'll have food ready or he'll make it or something? He doesn't make you wait?"

"Of course not. He always gives me a balanced diet as well. Why are you asking this?"

"Well, think about it, Cas. He's going through a lot of pain, too. Stuff that can't be fixed by sleeping or eating. It's probably hard for him to keep going, so he makes sure that _you_ are, at least. You're his inspiration and motivation, Cas."

"I know..." Cas says with a sigh. "And I try _so hard_ to be okay. To not feel like I'm shutting down. I don't want to do that to Dean."

"Well, you're doing a great job..." Charlie scoots closer. "You guys work with each other to help with the pain. You remind each other of the good things and try to ignore the bad for a while. You guys come from totally different worlds, but somehow you're here together working through all of this and holding each other up...You guys are on your own adventure."

"But we're failing. I don't know how I'm going to save him. And he might not be able to save me and that will hurt him, if not kill him." Cas looks down at his hands.

"...Bilbo Baggins stepped in front of a warg and an orc to save Thorin... and Thorin protected Bilbo from a dragon. You guys deal with _much_ more difficult problems, but Dean's the Righteous Man, and you're Castiel, Angel of the Lord. If anyone can pull this off, it's you guys." Charlie gave Cas a warm smile.

Cas just sighs, thankful for the pep talk, but not feeling it. "I've just been feeling so negative since I've been getting sick...Why don't you show me these hobbit movies you speak of?"

"...Are you sure? It's like...ten hours long..."

Cas nods. "I have no idea when Dean is returning. He is out hunting a demigod, who are strong and clever, so I'd like to take my mind off of the subject."

"Alright, give me a second..." Charlie slides off of the bed and over to her bag and pulls out her laptop and its charger. She hooks the charger up to the outlet closest to the bed and returns to Cas, sitting right next to him, balancing the laptop on both of their laps. Charlie lifts up the screen and, opening it to find Busty Asian Beauties on and she immediately snaps it shut, looking over to Cas carefully. Cas slowly turns to meet her gaze, confusion written all over his face.

"Has Dean been on your laptop lately? He used to frequent that website."

"...He might have sent me the link a while back..." She focuses her attention back to the screen and pulls up the first hobbit movie as she silently prays for no awkward silence. Cas found the concept of the movie and the plot very interesting and his attention was completely drawn to the screen. But fatigue quickly took over, and he fell asleep an hour after the movie started. Charlie looks at him and shakes her head with a sigh. "Amateur."

It was another several hours until Dean slowly opened the front door of their motel room and quietly stepped inside. He was covered in blood and when Charlie spotted him,  her eyes widened, about to speak up, but Dean pressed a single finger to his lips, asking her to remain silent for Cas' sake.

Dean mouthed out the words 'it's not mine' to her before making his way into the bathroom to wash off and change. He closed the door a bit loudly, causing Cas to stir and roll over onto his stomach. After changing into fresh clothes, Dean buried the bloodied ones into the bottom of the bag so Cas wouldn't find it. He didn't want to tell the angel about the hunt. He is not proud of what he did.

As Dean exits the bathroom, he finds Charlie up, gathering her belongings. She gestures to the ice bucket on the dresser as Cas lets out a small whine in his sleep. Dean frowns heavily as he checks the contents of the bucket. He turns back to her mouthing 'thank you'. Charlie nods and leaves the room, making sure to carefully shut the door behind her.

Dean walks silently over to Cas and gently lays a hand on his exposed arm. The angel flinches at the touch and mumbles something in Enochian under his breath.

Dean furrows his brow and leans closer to him, speaking lowly. "You're dreaming, Cas. Wake up."

Cas unconsciously shifts closer to the heat source, pressing his face against Dean's thigh, seeking the warmth. Dean moves out of his reach for a moment so he could climb in bed next to him, wrapping an arm over his waist.

"Better?" He whispers to his sleeping angel.

Cas sighs in content as one of his hands cling to the front of Dean's shirt as he buries his head under Dean's chin. Dean smiles softly and nuzzles his face into the messy brown hair, kissing it gently, letting his lips linger there for a while.

Feeling that causes Cas to wake up, but he remain still in Dean's arms. "Dean... you're back. How was the hunt?"

Dean bites his tongue, making sure to keep his body relaxed. "We've got you a heart. One step closer, we're almost done."

Cas yawns. "I must check if it is the right kind... where is it?"

"It's in the trunk. Don't worry, it's not toxic. Got an anonymous tip from a guy who knew the demigod. Turns out this demigod was Helen of Troy. Came back to life, apparently." In actuality, there were two demigods- Helen of Troy, and her half-sister, Arquette. They had a cult of humans following them, and after Dean killed them both, he slit their throats and hung them form the ceiling, forcing the human followers to stand under the flow of blood to find out if either of them were toxic or not. The humans under Arquette were burned by her blood, and they sort of melted. Dean grimaced at the memory. Helen of Troy was not toxic, so he took only her heart. He will refrain from telling Cas that he killed humans to acquire this heart.

"Okay," Cas said. "...Any word from Crowley?"

"Yeah...he's got the spell. He's working on collecting the ingredients now." 

"Did he say what the ingredients were? We could help find some."

Dean raised a hand to stroke it through Cas' hair. "Nah, he's a big boy. He can manage. Right now, you and me should take it easy for a bit. We've got a lot to go through ahead."

Cas hums and leans into his touch. "What about you? We need to help you now."

"...I'm doing good, Cas. Nothing's happened to me in over a month. You should get some rest, try to get a little strength back."

"I'm trying, Dean. But it's difficult when I'm tired all the time."

"I know. That's why next couple of days I want you to just focus on you, alright? I'll keep you up for meals and for water breaks, but I want you to sleep."

"Sleep. Yes, I can do that." Cas said with a yawn. "But you just got back so I don't want to sleep yet."

Dean pauses a moment before sighing. "Alright, what do you want to do?"

Cas shrugs. "I don't know. I just want to be with you. Consciously."

Dean smiles and hugs him closer. "Well, you are now. How was hanging with Charlie?"

"It was nice to talk with someone else besides the Winchesters for once. No offense. I do love talking with you very much."

Dean chuckles. "Did she do anything with you?"

"We watched a hobbit movie. But I fell asleep sometime during it."

"She got you to watch The Hobbit?" Dean asked.

"Mhm. She was comparing you to a dwarf with an oaken shield, but I said you were better."

"She called me a what?"

"A dwarf with a shield of oak. He was a king of a mountain."

"...Alright then...anything else? She off to play a game?"

Cas nodded. "Hobbit themed Monopoly, but we never got around to it. I think me getting sick with the burnt grace interrupted that."

Dean caressed the side of his face in concern. "Yeah, I saw that...are you okay?"

Cas was quiet for a moment before nodding. "Yes...it was just unexpected."

"Hey..." Dean runs a hand over one of Cas' arms, looking to him seriously. "Thank you."

"For what?" Cas asks, looking at him quizzically.

"I don't know how hard it is for you...everyday waking up and something else going wrong. I don't know what it's like to have a schedule for needing a bucket or having a seizure...And I have no idea what it's like having to go through all of the doubt that comes with it while I watch. But no matter what, you still keep fighting...everyday you fight and you deal with it all, pushing through to the next day. Not once, Cas, _not once_ , have you told me you've been thinking about asking me to keep my promise, and that just means everything to me...Thank you Cas...Thank you for fighting."

Cas smiles sadly as he lifts a hand to stroke Dean's face. "I'll always fight for you, Dean. You're worth fighting for. I'm not going to give up easily."

Dean smiles gently and takes Cas' hand in his own, holding it and leaning down to kiss him softly. "I know you'll keep fighting."

Cas kisses him back with a sad smile on his lips. After they pull away, they continue to hold each other in their arms. It didn't take long for Cas to fall back asleep...

 

 


	14. It's Gonna be a Brief Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam learns about what Crowley has to do for the spell that'll get the angels their wings back. He confronts Dean on it and they have an argument about what is right and what is wrong. It doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to make Sam seem like a dick. I just needed something to counteract what Dean believes. Also, this chapter was meant to be longer, but I decided to not do that and only write part of it now since I didn't want to delay posting it. It's gonna get bloody mad from here on out.

It was the next day. Dean and Cas were already on their way back to the bunker. Cas had fallen asleep fairly quickly at the start of their journey back and didn't wake up for the rest of the drive. Once Dean finally pulled into the garage of the bunker, he spotted Sam at the doorway with his arms crossed, looking pissed. Dean furrows his brow, wondering what could it be now as he exited the car, Cas cradled in his arms.

Dean stormed past Sam, not wanting to talk to him until he gets Cas settled in bed. Once the angel is tucked in, he meets Sam in the library.

Sam glares at him as he approaches. "Dean. We seriously need to talk. Now."

"What now?"

"Guess who called me earlier. Crowley. You want to explain why you agreed to let 100 innocent people die?"

Dean glares at nothing in particular as he inwardly swears that he'll have the demon's head for this. He sighs before answering. "Sam, it's not like that."

"Then what's it like, Dean? Tell me!"

"Look, it's hard to explain. I wouldn't just say yes to something like that without a good reason to."

"And that reason is to save a single life?"

"It's not just one life, Sam, it's Cas. If Cas dies he'll be obliterated- nothing left!"

Sam raises his voice slightly. "But they still die. If this wasn't someone you care about we would be finding another safer way to save them."

"I know it's not right, Sam," Dean says lowly. "But I don't have time for another way. This spell isn't even his- its the one that'll get us his feather!"

"I really don't think this is a good idea. The angels are more dangerous if they can fly wherever they want." It was true. The angels are now forced to drive to their destination, which takes a hell of a lot longer to get where they want to go than before.

"Sam, don't you think I know this? This is the only shot I've got! I don't have a choice!"

"You do have a choice! You're just going with the easy way out to ensure his safety."

"What's the other option, Sam? Throw one out and I'll take it!"

Sam shakes his head. "I don't know. But that is why we research and look wherever we can to find the answer."

"Cas has two months, Sam. Crowley said the spell he's got will take weeks! Then we've got to go back to heaven and get his feather to do the spell that'll save him before his time runs out, if he's even got that long!"

"I'm sorry, Dean... but sometimes people just die. And you're afraid of letting another person you love go."

Dean practically fumes in anger, clenching his fists and locking his jaw as he glares at his brother. "You know what?...No."

"You did something similar for me. Letting Gadreel possess me and that backfired."

Dean shakes his head, giving Sam an easy look as if relaxed. "No."

"What do you mean 'no'? You're afraid of losing him after getting together!" Sam said.

"Damn right I am. But, no." He shakes his head again. "You're not allowed to say that to me."

"And why's that?" Sam demanded.

Dean attempts to stay calm but quickly turns aggressive. "Because you've dealt with this enough to be used to it! Something like this? Wouldn't faze you."

Sam reels back, feeling hurt by that. He has certainly been fazed by the death of loved ones- especially when Jess died and when Dean went to hell after trying so hard to save him. Sam had believed he could actually save his brother but failed. Dean ended up getting ripped apart by that hellhound. Sam just doesn't want Dean to feel so hopeful when Cas is most likely going to die.

But that doesn't keep him from retaliating against Dean. "And we shouldn't keep doing this! He's died enough, Dean. Let him go."

"I'm not gonna let him go! He shouldn't have died in the first place- he's fucking immortal! This is my fault so I've got to save him!"

"Angels die all the time! And do you really want him to live forever? There is always going to be problems in heaven that he will need to help fix, endangering his life again."

"Of course I want him to live forever, he's meant to do that! He tries to make heaven better, he's got more sense than over half of the other angels at least! You think I'm just gonna let him die?!"

"When you're dead, whose gonna protect him then? Not you!" Sam pointed out.

"That's because he doesn't need my protection! He's capable of holding his own!"

"That doesn't mean he's safe from other angels! There are angels that want to see his head on a plate."

"Yeah, and how many has he outlived? You think he likes killing his siblings or being hunted by them? It hurts him, Sam!"

Sam nodded. "So one day he's gonna give up and let them kill him."

Dean steps closer, glaring at his brother intensely. "He will never give up."

"He nearly has before, but you were the one that kept him going because he wanted to protect you. When you're dead, he'll have nothing left to protect."

"But he'll still have me. In heaven. My heaven. He's going to stay with me."

"But no matter what, he can still be found there."

Dean throws his arms up in exasperation. "Then we will _fight_ them!"

"Dean..." Sam sighs. "You are missing the point. As long as Cas is alive, he will _always_ have problems and he will _always_ suffer. Just let it end for him."

A moment passes as Dean thinks, almost considering it before mentally slapping himself and shaking his head. "...No."

"He is literally _suffering_ under the same rood as us. End his pain." Sam pleaded.

But Dean continues to shake his head defiantly. "I'm not doing it."

"You are really going to let him suffer as you sacrifice 100 people because it _might_ save him?!"

"I'm doing it because it _will_ save him!" Dean replied sternly.

"What will he think when he learns about what you're doing to save him? He deserves to know the truth."

Dean pauses and lowers his head. "I know I'm not a good guy, Sam, alright? I know living in heaven with him is just a plan and that he might actually hate me after this, but Sam... I'm going to save him." He looks up to his brother and swallows the lump in his throat. "And you're _not_ going to stop me."

"I'm not going to try. If you end up saving him, that's great, you can yell at me for how wrong I was. But you _have_ to tell him about the people."

"Not now. Not while he's sick. I swear to you, I'll tell him afterwards, but this is the _last thing_ he needs."

"That's not fair to him. You know he'll be pissed at you for telling him afterwards."

"I know, damn it, I know!" Dean shouts. "You think I would keep it from him for any other reason? Of course he'll be pissed! He might call off our relationship completely! But, damn it Sam, he doesn't need it now!"

"No. He will appreciate it more if you tell him _now_ , and he'd rather hear it from you."

Dean runs his hands over his face, sighing heavily as he steps up to Sam. "Look, Sam, Cas can't feel his feet. We were about to have sex and he had a _fucking seizure_. He's broken physically and mentally. If I tell him what I've done...that'll be it for him."

"Wouldn't you want to know? If your positions were reversed."

"If I was dying, that'd be the last thing I'd want to hear!"

Sam sighs. "Dean...please. Tell him. He deserves it."

"Why are you trying to make this harder than it needs to be?!" Dean asks.

"It's not going to change much! Cas _will_ understand why you did it. He won't hate you, I know it!"

" _100 souls_ , Sam! He's going to think it's _his_ fault, he's gonna blame it on himself!"

"The angels were going to get their wings back eventually. Just _tell_ him. Or I will." Sam threatened.

"Don't do it, Sam."

"I can just pray to him, that's it."

"Yeah, because that's what he needs."

"He _needs_ to know what's going on!"

"He can know _after_. After it's _not_ going to kill him."

Sam raises his hands in defeat. "I'm going to be in my room." He turns to leave.

But Dean wasn't finished. He takes a step after him, glaring daggers. "Sam, I swear if you pray to him-"

Sam turns around sharply. "What, Dean?! What're you gonna do?!"

Dean steps closer and shoves him roughly. "He doesn't need this! Why are you trying to ruin him?!"

Sam staggers back and stands defensively once he regains his balance. "He would want to know. I know I would."

"Yeah, but you're not _him_ , Sam! You're not broken, and at the least you can fucking _walk_!" Dean shoves Sam back again. "When did you decide to stop caring about him?!"

Sam sticks out a hand between them in case Dean tries to shove him again. "I _do_ care about him! I want his suffering to end. He's been through too much in his life."

"No, he's been through too much in _our_ lives! He was fine before us! Hell, he was daddy's little angel! But he had to go and fuck it up for himself by dragging my sorry ass out of hell!" Dean shoves Sam's arm away, refusing to back down.

Sam looks at him furiously, deciding he has had enough. "I'll be in my room." He turns around again and starts to walk off.

Dean stomps behind him and whips him around by his shoulder. "Don't walk away from me, Sam! Swear to me you're not gonna pray to him!"

"I'm not going to pray to that. I'm so _pissed_ at you for doing that, Dean, and Cas should know. He's causing the mark to take control of you again."

"I've got lots of control! My only problem right now is you!"

"I'm going to my room to _sleep_. I haven't made up my mind yet."

"Well, figure it out _fast_ because right now I don't know what side you're on."

"I'm on _your_ side. Except my idea of a peaceful ending is to be relieved of suffering."

Dean scoffs. "Yeah, because that's all you've ever known, right?"

"Yeah, in fact, it is, Dean. All my life I've been suffering- some occasions worse than others. I hate it. I hate the pain."

"Then why don't you just quit, huh? Go back being a college boy and become a big shot lawyer and just forget about everything you've ever known? You can't walk away from this, Sam, our life sucks and it's always gonna suck!"

"The only way to leave our shitty life is by dying! There is no going back to college!"

"That's right! So while you're here you might as well fight for what you believe in and what you care about!"

"And I care about protecting people!" Sam shouted. "Like the 100 you're letting get killed!"

"Dammit, Sam, this is different!"

Sam shakes his head. "I'm _going_ to my room now."

This time, Dean doesn't try to stop him from leaving. He hears Sam slam his door shut once he reaches his room. Dean stands where he his, fuming with anger before growling and storming off to his bedroom.

When he reaches the bedroom door, he leans his forehead against it and sighs, trying to calm himself down before he faces Cas (if he was even awake, that is). Dean desperately hoped that Cas hadn't heard any of their exchange. If he had, then that would be it for him. Once he deemed himself ready, Dean took in a deep breath before opening the door.

The first thing he saw was Cas, sitting up in bed, staring at him with a concerned expression on his face. Dean gulped and slowly closed the door behind him.

"Dean?" Cas looks to him sadly, his brows furrowed in question. Dean walks up to him as Cas scoots over, making room for him on the bed.

Cas reaches a hand out for him and Dean grabs it and sits next to him on the edge of the bed, not bothering to relax. But Cas didn't seem to notice the tension. The angel sighs sadly and rests his forehead on Dean's shoulder, sniffling a bit.

Dean turns his head, frowning, and looks down at him, bringing a comforting hand to his backside. "What's wrong, Cas?" He was nearly sweating bullets, hoping that it didn't have anything to do with what Dean did.

"I just had a bad dream..." Cas says, shaking his head. "I woke up when I heard a door being slammed shut."

Dean sighs in relief and wraps and arm around his waist, holding his angel close to his side. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly..." Cas would rather keep his nightmare to himself, but he knew that talking with Dean about it might help. "It was of purgatory..." He clutches Dean tightly as if he would suddenly disappear.

Dean moves back on the bed, pulling Cas to lie down with him and guiding the angels head to rest on his chest. "What happened?"

"...You never made it out... I couldn't keep you safe..." Cas whispered.

"Where are your arms, Cas?"

Cas pauses in confusion. "...Around you?"

"Mhm. And where are we?"

"Safe...In the bunker." Cas sighs in content, realizing now what Dean was saying.

"Right again." Dean looks down to him, smiling. "Looks like we made it out okay."

Cas quirks a smile. "I know...but I didn't know that in the dream."

Dean leans down to kiss the top of his head. "I know...I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up."

"It's fine. I flailed around a bit, so I would have probably hit you in the face. And what was the slamming door all about?"

"I could've handled your flailing. I would have woken you up more gently than a _slam_ , though...Sammy just got a little upset because Charlie thinks Hermione is a better wizard than Harry."

"Oh. I wouldn't know." Cas looks up to Dean. " Are you alright? You seem tense."

Dean bites at the inside of his cheek for a moment before gazing back down at Cas. "Guess I'm a little stiff from the drive back down here."

Cas leans up to plant a kiss on his jaw. "Then sleep, Dean."

Dean releases a small sigh. "I'm really not tired, Cas."

Hearing that only raises Cas' suspicions. He sits up and looks down at him with his brow furrowing. "Are you sure you're okay? I know you have a tendency to not tell people when you're upset."

Dean gives him a small smile, reaching a hand up to thread his fingers through his messy hair. "I'm hanging in there."

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Cas asks.

"...Absolutely, Cas." 

Castiel smiled softly and gave Dean a kiss on the lips. "Surely you wouldn't mind if I slept, then?"

Dean dragged his fingers down the sides of his face. "Of course not. I'm just going to lay here with you."

Cas nodded and nestled his head against Dean's shoulder as he began to drift back to sleep. Dean stared up at the ceiling, stroking the angel's back as he slept, as he began to doubt if he could actually save him. Even if he does, it wasn't likely Cas would want to stay with him after learning what Dean has done to give him his life back.

 

 

It has been several days since Castiel and Dean returned from the demigod hunt. Sam had found Dean's bag and had decided to be kind and do his laundry for him. Sam deeply regrets saying what he did. He does want Cas to make it. It's just he doubts he will, and he really doesn't want to see his brother heartbroken after having so much hope. But, Sam will try to help Dean to the best of his ability. If he helps with trying to save Cas, the more likely it will be for the angel to live. He has never seen either of them so happy than before they had admitted their feelings together, and he can only imagine just how better things will be if Cas wasn't dying.

As he empties the laundry into the machine, he comes across a pair of bloodied jeans and a bloody shirt to match. Sam's blood ran cold. He was constantly in fear of the mark taking control of Dean again, resulting in him murdering more people. It's not that he didn't trust Dean, because he did. He just didn't trust the curse that was marked upon his arm.  

Sam takes in a deep breath before calling for his brother. "Dean!"

It doesn't take long before the older Winchester stomped his way into the room. "Keep it down, will 'ya! Cas is sleeping!"

Sam presents the bloody clothes to Dean. "You have some explaining to do."

Dean raises his hands in defense. "Okay, Sam, I can explain."

"Then explain, Dean, 'cause right now, it looks like you killed a lot of people."

"No, I killed a couple of demigods. Demigods bleed."

"For the heart? And this is a _lot_ of blood. What did you do? Hang them upside down from the ceiling and showered in their blood?"

"No, I didn't!" Dean raised his voice slightly and gritted his teeth together. "They had some followers who obviously weren't happy with me wanting their hearts!"

"Humans?" Sam asked.

"They weren't, like, _actual people_ , Sam, they were being controlled somehow!"

"Alright..." Sam sighed. "Are you okay, though? No serious injuries?" 

"Do I _look_ like I've got serious injuries?" Dean responded sarcastically.

"Well, you've got the Mark of Cain, which is serious, and nobody can tell from a first glance."

"Sam, I am the fucking _pinnacle_ of health."

"Whatever, Dean." Sam shook his head. "But, anyways, I found a case we could work on while waiting for Crowley to collect the ingredients for the spell."

Dean furrows his brow. "A _case_?"

"Yeah, Dean. Remember, it's kinda what we do."

"Yeah, when we're not already busy with other stuff."

"Well, you and Cas aren't really doing anything besides sitting around, and there are people dying that need our help." Sam said.

Dean crosses his arms. "Yeah, Sam, 'cause that's what I want out of my life; to let people die. Sorry, I don't have time at the moment to work a wendigo case, I need to be here for Cas!"

"It's a simple haunting," Sam explained gently. "A quick salt 'n burn. Cas can come with us."

"And how is he getting around?"

"I found some wheelchairs in one of the storage rooms a while back. Thought it might come in handy." Sam said. Dean drops his head and sighs bitterly, which confuses Sam. "What, Dean?! I was just trying to help!"

"Yeah, I know, Sam." Dean looks up to his brother. "But, dammit, how the hell did it come to this? An _angel_ of the fucking _lord_ needing a motherfucking _wheelchair_ to get around."

Sam looks to him with empathy. "He's still Cas. Just because he is in a chair that rolls, it doesn't mean he's any less on an angel."

Dean nodded, wanting to drop the painful subject. "...Alright. Where's the case?"

"Right here, in Kansas. Just a few hours out."

"When can we go?"

"Whenever you're ready. I'll load the wheelchair into the car and double-check how much salt and rock salt we have left."

Dean nods again and leaves his brother without a goodbye. He headed to Cas' room with the intention of waking him up and finding some way to gently break the news to him that he will be using a wheelchair.

As Dean enters the bedroom quietly, he notices that Castiel was asleep and snoring softly. It brought a small smile on his face to see him act so cute. He approaches the bed and sits on the edge next to the sleeping body. Dean reaches out a hand and lays it on Cas' bare back and gently stroked it. Cas takes in a deep breath and softly moans, his eyes blinking open slowly, like a cat. Dean found that adorable and sort of hot, so he smirks and leans down to kiss his angel softly. Cas smiles into the kiss and deepens it by tugging Dean down by his hair.

As much as he'd like to keep going, Dean pulls away, still smirking. "Sam's here. You don't want to start that."

"Continue later?" Cas asks as he groans in irritation.

"Damn right, we'll continue later."

Cas smiles. "Good. Now why did you wake me up?"

"Sam found a case for us to run while Crowley's working on that spell. Wanted you to come along."

"Okay," Cas grabs Dean's shoulder so that he could pull himself up into a sitting position, grunting as he does so. "How far is it?"

"'Bout an hour or so out. But there's something I wanted to run by you before we go..." Dean dropped Cas' gaze.

The angel burrows his brow and tilts his head, slightly. "What is it."

Dean bites his tongue in agitation before meeting Cas' eyes with his own. "Cas, if you want me to carry you, I'll do it. The whole time, I've got you, but..." He sighs and lowers his head. "Sammy found a wheelchair for you to use."

Cas casts his gaze downwards as he awkwardly picks at the blanket while in thought. "Well...that was considerate of him..." He mumbles.

Dean sighs again with a shake of his head and looks back to Cas. "You don't have to use it. I know it sucks, but I'll still carry you, Cas. Even up on my shoulders, if that's what you want! Just...what do _you_ want?"

The angel rubs his eyes and slowly shakes his head. "The wheelchair will be more convenient for everyone."

"Yeah, but I'm not worried about convenience." Dean turns to face Cas fully. "Cas-"

"I'll take the chair, Dean." Cas says a bit harshly.

Dean stares at him for a moment before hanging his head in defeat. Cas sighs in exasperation and lays back on the bed, on his stomach. He crossed his arms under his chin.

"...Does God really know everything?" Dean asked after a minute has passed.

Cas lifts his head a bit to look at him. "More or less. Why?"

Dean huffs out a dead laugh. "I've got a few words for him about the hell he puts you through."

Cas breathed out heavily through his nose. "This wasn't his doing, Dean."

"Maybe not, but if he really has a plan for everyone, I'm gonna tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine."

"I think he gave up. I think that is why he left." Cas said quietly.

"Why would he give up? Why would he just throw away everything he created and cared about?"

"I don't know." Cas runs a hand through his hair. "Maybe its because no one is following his plan. But it doesn't matter. I don't care about why he left or what he's doing anymore."

Dean furrows his brow and looks back at him and lays down beside him. "You don't?"

Castiel shakes his head into his pillow. "No. Why should I?"

Dean wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him into his chest for comfort. "Well, 'cause he's your Father, Cas, don't you want an answer?"

"He left. And he isn't returning. It doesn't matter."

"You know that for certain? That he'll never come back?"

"I don't think so," Cas replied. "If he was simply taking a break, he would have certainly stood up during the apocalypse."

"Are you sure? He couldn't have just wanted to watch and see how it plays out on its own?" Dean shrugs slightly. "Maybe it was all a part of His plan..."

"I don't know anymore. But, I don't care either."

"Hm," Dean tightens his hold around Cas. "Despite the fact I've got some choice words for the guy, I've got some thanking to do and some stuff I wanna ask."

Cas looked up at him curiously. "Like what?"

Dean smiles down at him. "Like how did he make the Angel of Thursday so perfect?"

A blush crept up Cas' face as he smiled shyly, before tucking his head under Dean's chin. "He messed up on me. That's how. I wasn't built like the others."

"If you're a mistake, I pity all the other angels that were fit to design. Of course, you're not like the others...You're so much better."

Cas' smiled only widened. "And I do mean it when I say you're the greatest man that has ever walked the Earth."

"I don't know. I guess the bar is set pretty low these days."

"The other humans don't matter to me. Not as much as you." Cas tilts his head up to softly kiss at Dean's neck.

Dean hums happily and tilts hit head back, closing his eyes. "What are you doing?"

Instead of giving him an answer, Cas begins to give small nips along his neck, kissing over each bruise they form. A grin works its way onto Dean's face and he moves his hands to run up and down Cas' sides. Cas lightly moans and slips his hands under Dean's shirt, using his fingers to play with the pair of nipples that cause Dean to moan.

Dean grips his hips firmly. "Sammy will be waiting on us..." He doesn't want to stop, really, but he also doesn't want Sam to come looking for them and finding _this_.

Cas detaches his mouth from the neck and rests his forehead on the shoulder available as he groans in irritation. "Alright. Fine, let's go to Sam."

"Hey," Dean gives him a smirk and shrugs, deciding it would be okay to make Sam wait. "Guess he'll just have to wait."

Cas' hands immediately grips Dean's hips and he grounds down against him, bringing moans out of both of their mouths. Dean grabs a handful of Cas' hair to pull him down for a harsh and heated kiss. Cas eagerly slips is tongue into the heated cavern as he continues to rut against him. Dean grabs both cheeks of Cas' ass to pull him down against him with more force. Cas cries out loud in pleasure.

Dean smirks and rolls them over so that Cas was the one on his back. He sits on him as he pulls off his shirt, Cas quickly following with ridding himself of his own. Cas leans up to pull Dean back down and he licks a stripe from his collarbone up to his jaw, causing the man to roll his head and shoulders back as he deeply moans. Their lips meet again and begin to attack each other as they battle for dominance. As Cas pants into his mouth, his hands slip under the hem of Dean's pants and he grabs handfuls of his ass.

A groan works its way out of Dean and he rocks his hips harshly into the angel under him. "Where do you want to be?" He asks, gruffly.

Cas pants as he tries to form words. "T-to tired to top."

Dean hums for a quick second while in thought. "I've got an idea." He resumes with kissing his angel and undoes his pants for him. Cas cards his fingers through his hair as he breathes heavily, excited to try this idea. Dean climbs off of him for a moment to slide of Cas' pants and to remove his own before straddling him once more, bringing his mouth to his neck to harshly kiss at it.

"Dean!" Cas moans his name loudly and wraps his legs around his waist, his hands rubbing his thighs to encourage to man to keep going. Dean smirks against his neck and pulls back to reach for the nightstand, opening it up and pulling out a bottle, popping it open. Cas looks at it curiously. "Is that the lube stuff you were mentioning earlier?"

"That's the one." Dean answers as he pours a generous amount on his finger and he brought his hand under him. He keeps eye contact with Cas as he slowly pushes a finger into himself, grunting as he does so. Cas moans as he watches and squirms beneath him as he watches him come apart. Dean soon adds a second, and eventually a third and he is ready to go. He adds some more lube to his hand and begins to smooth it on Cas' member, stoking it gently. Cas throws his head back against the pillow, gasping for air as his fingers dig into the sheets.

Once he deemed themselves ready, Dean stood on his knees over Cas and winked down at him. Cas whimpered slightly as he realized just what Dean was going to do. Dean grabs Cas' cock and lines himself up.

"Just sit back and watch me do the work." He tells Cas just before he lowers himself onto his dick, groaning lowly as he sinks down. Cas chokes out a shout and he fingers fly to Dean's thighs to clench them.

When Cas was completely inside him, ass to hips, Dean brings a hand to carefully hold Cas face. "How you doin', Cas?"

Cas was busy biting his cheeks to keep himself from shouting, so he lifted up a shaky thumbs-up to answer his question.

Dean smirks and slowly starts to raise himself, lifting up until only the head of Cas' dick was inside him. "Don't hold back." He says to him just before dropping himself onto him, starting up a steady rhythm.

The gasp that Cas makes slowly turns into a moan. He raises his hips as much as he could to match Dean's rhythm as he grabs Dean's throbbing cock to jerk him off.  Dean groans and lies his hands on Cas' chest as he brings himself harder onto him, loving the way Cas breathed out his name. 

Cas begins to lose rhythm when the heat in his stomach begins to coil like a spring. Dean slams down as hard as he can and reaches a hand down to his partner's face to make him look up at him.

"Watch me, Cas..." He manages to utter between pants.

Cas lays a hand over his as he looks deep into those green eyes, jerking him off even faster, and adding a twist to the wrist. Dean groans and sits on Cas, rolling his shoulders back and tilting his head for show as he mutters his angel's name through his lips as he spills between the two of them. Cas was quick to follow. Watching Dean release, feeling his warm come splash on him and how his muscles tighten around him quickly pushed him over the edge.

After several minutes of trying to catch their breaths, Dean finally pulls off with a grunt and lies down besides Cas, turning on his side to face him. Cas mirrored his position.

"So, how was it?" Dean asked with a smirk.

Cas chuckles softly before answering. "It was good. It was very good." Cas reaches out for his shirt and wipes up the drying come from the both of them.

"We're definitely going to have to get a towel or something." 

Cas smiles and hums in agreement.

After the two of them are cleaned and dressed, Dean carries Cas out to the garage where they find Sam leaning against the hood as he waits for them.

"You guys ready?" Sam asks as he stands up straight.

"Yup!" Dean replies as he shoots Cas a smirk. "Where do you want to be?"

Cas blushes. "Um, the back seat."

Dean smiles and gently sets his angel in the back and kissing the top of his fuzzy head. Once he shuts the door, he turns to face his brother grimly.

"You got the chair?" He asks Sam.

The younger Winchester nods. "It's in the trunk." He walks over to the passenger side of the car and settles into the seat.

Dean follows suit and boards himself into the drivers side. Before pulling out of the garage, he turns back to look at Cas. "Lay back and try to get some sleep during the ride."

Cas rubs his eyes and lightly nods. "No problem." The post-orgasm bliss helped put him to sleep within the few minutes it took to leave the bunker and to get onto a road.

Dean smiles softly as he looks back at him, then to the road. Sam also casts a glance back at the sleeping angel with concern written over his features.

"How is he?"

Dean swallows hard and keeps his eyes locked to the road. "Tired. He's always tired."

Sam rubs the back of his neck. "I've been researching about how a body shuts down as it is dying. His body is literally shutting down in slow motion."

"Yeah, I've noticed." Dean replied a bit harshly. "Thanks for the reminder."

"Sorry, Dean...It's just the more I understand his condition, the more I can help."

Dean sighs. "Got anything useful?"

"...I don't have shit. Cas even said that he is the first angel to have this problem, so I guess we should just keep him comfortable as we can till we either save him or..."

"Or nothing." Dean said sternly.

Sam doesn't press any further. Dean may have way too much hope for his liking, but too much hope was better then none. So he decides to try to get his brother to open up and talk to him about it. It could help.

Sam cleared his throat to catch Dean's attention. "How are you feeling? I know you aren't taking it as well as it seems. Talk to me, man."

Dean takes a deep breath, not taking his eyes from the paved road ahead of him. "It hurts, Sam...It hurts so damn much. Its worse than if it were happening to me because at least I would go to heaven...Angels got no afterlife...And he's an _angel_. Angels are supposed to be _immortal._ He ain't supposed to die! He's not supposed to get sick-" His voice breaks and he pauses, taking another deep breath and swallows the lump in his throat. "The only reason he's like this...The only reason he's suffering is because a few years ago he was given a mission to retrieve my sorry ass from hell. The _moment_ he touched me, branded himself on my skin...he signed himself for a death sentence."

"Dean, come on. That's basically saying all of this is my fault for being born. If I hadn't been born, Yellow Eyes wouldn't of killed Mom, and her death is what made us hunters, which resulted in my first death and you selling your soul and going to hell."

"Well, I mean-" Dean sighs. "Come on, Sam, if it had been any other angel, they would've just dropped me off and left."

"Well, Cas stayed because he cared about you. It was his own decision. You didn't make him do anything."

"Yeah, but I'm the reason he's worse...It's harder on him seeing how him being sick affects me. Do you know how hard it is to just grin and bare it? Just to try to make things a little better for him?"

"If you want, I can always watch him for a while...Give you some time to yourself." Sam said gently as he looks to his brother.

"That's the problem, Sam...Him seeing me," Dean smiles sadly, huffing out a dry laugh as tears begin to line up at his eyes. "Just _being_ with me...It makes him _so happy_ , like he's on top of the world."

Sam smiles sadly. "Is he really happy? I mean, does he bring up him dying, often?"

The tears begin to stream down Dean's face. "He brings it up, and he talks about _me_ , of all people, like I'm the greatest man to walk the Earth...How good of a soul I have, how he can see it...How I give him _hope_."

Sam rests a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Maybe I should drive, and you can sit in the back with him."

Dean looks over at Sam for a moment, staying silent before pulling over and slipping out, running his hands over his face and climbing into the back seat. He gently lifts Cas' head and lays it down on his lap. Sam slides over to take the wheel and he drives the car back on route.

Dean keeps his eyes closed and he soothingly strokes a hand through the tangled mess that was Cas' hair as they drove in silence.


	15. Musical Chairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio have an interesting and dramatic morning before they even start to work on the case.

Sam kept driving until he became weary. It was nearing midnight, so he decided to pull over to stop at a motel for the night. As he parked, he looked back to Dean and Castiel. Cas was still asleep. Sam was unsure whether or not Dean was sleeping. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted back against the seat, but his cheeks were tear-stained. The younger Winchester sighs, feeling sorry for the two of them, and he steps out of the Impala and heads over to the main entrance to rent a couple of rooms.

He returns with two sets of room keys. Sam opens the door on Dean's side, which got him to lift his head and blink wearily up at him. Sam hands one of the keys to him.

Dean furrows his brow as he grabs it. "What's this for?"

"A room. For sleeping. I'm going to be in the one next to yours." With that said, Sam tosses his bag over his shoulder and heads over to his room, intent on sleeping.

Dean stays in place, thinking for a moment, before looking down at Cas. Dean rubs his hands over his face in exhaustion and takes several deep breathes before slipping out of the car to first grab his bag and then ducking back in the Impala to pick up and carry Cas. The angel stirs a bit while being moved, but he remains asleep. He curls towards the warmth that Dean supplied.

As Dean enters their rented room, he gently lays Cas down on the bed and pulls the covers up to his shoulders before climbing in beside him. He wraps his arms around his angel and holds him close to his chest as he buries his face in the messy mop of dark hair, struggling to hold back his tears. Cas rolls over, facing Dean, and tucks his head under the other man's chin, sighing with content. Dean tightens his hold and kisses his head, taking a few shaky breathes as he closes his eyes, trying to compose himself.

At some point during the night, Dean detaches himself from Castiel and paces repetitively throughout the room, pushing his hands through his hair, crying on and off as he tries to think of anything that will help benefit Cas. He eventually sits himself in an armchair, rubbing his face in frustration, and falls into a fitful and rough sleep.

Cas was the first to wake up in the morning. He is immediately confused by the new surroundings, and he slowly sits up as he scans the room, his eyes lying upon Dean.

"...Dean?" He didn't know if he was awake or not, so he made sure to speak softly.

Dean begins to slightly shift in his seat, and once he realizes that it was Cas who was talking to him, he shoots upright, his eyes flying open and landing on Castiel immediately.

"Cas..."

Castiel furrows his eyebrows. "Where are we?"

Dean takes a deep breath, running his hands through his hair before speaking. "We're in a motel...Sammy got tired, and you were already asleep..."

"Oh, okay...What are you doing over there?"

Dean manages to give him a small smile to mask his exhaustion. "Sorry bumble bee, I got tired after carrying you in and crashed over here by mistake."

Cas smiles brightly at the nickname and holds out a hand. "Come back over here?"

A real smile dominates Dean's face as he pushes himself out of the chair, takes Cas' hand, and falls into bed beside him. Cas happily kisses his face and wraps his arms around him.

"How'd you sleep?" Dean asks softly.

"Fine." Cas' voice was a bit more gravely than usual due to his prolonged sleep. "I might have slept too long, though."

"What makes you say that?"

"I could have been awake and spending time with you, but instead I was sleeping. Again."

Dean holds back a frown, replacing it with another false smile as he kisses the side of Cas' head. "Couple extra hours right now won't kill you. We've got all eternity to spend time with each other."

Cas smiles and nuzzles against Dean's chest. "I can't wait to get my grace back. Then I won't have to sleep anymore."

A sigh escapes as he runs a hand over his face. "Yeah, but _I_ will..."

"That doesn't mean I won't lie with you. Because I will."

"Lie next to me, _bored_ , for hours?"

"Of course not. Unlike humans, it would take an angel years of remaining in the same location to get bored of it."

"So, what? You're just gonna sit there?"

Cas smiled softly. "No. I'm going to lie there. With my arms wrapped around you. I find lying like this very comforting."

Dean returns the smile before furrowing his brows in curiosity. "Could you wrap your wings around me?"

"Yes, I could." Cas smiles wider. "I can't wait to show you them."

"I bet they're beautiful." Then Dean smirked at him. "And _sexy."_ He huffed out a laugh as a dark blush crept up the angel's neck.

Cas looks at him, about to say something, before blinking and looking at him in confusion. "Dean? I forgot, why aren't we at the bunker?"

It takes some effort to hold back a frown. "Because we're doing a quick hunt and I'd be lonely without you."

"Oh. Okay. We're hunting on our own?"

"Nope. Sam is in the next room."

"Alright." Cas leans up to give Dean a loving kiss on the lips, which the Winchester gladly returns, releasing a slight hum as he does. Cas slips a hand under Dean's shirt and runs it up his chest, causing the man to shiver.

Dean smirks against his lips and pulls back to look at him. "You're never too tired, are you?"

Cas smiled. "I woke with an erection so I'm in the mood."

Dean raises an eyebrow in question. "Really? I didn't think angels could get morning wood."

"Well, I _was_ dreaming of _you_ , so it was hard not to."

"And what exactly were you dreaming about?" Dean asked lowly.

Castiel blushed. "We...um, it was nothing _erotic_. We simply 'dry humped' against each other. It felt good..."

Dean shrugs. "So, like this?" He rolls his hips with force against Cas', working a moan out of him. "'Cause that's still pretty hot."

Cas shuts his eyes as his hips buck forward, desperately seeking out contact with Dean's.

Dean grins and repeats the action, moving his hands up and down Cas' sides, brushing up his shirt before pinning him down by his hips. Cas pants as he tries to cant his hips up at Dean, but to no avail since he was being held down. Dean grinds down onto him, hands still pushing Cas' hips down into the mattress, and he lowers his head to speak into his ear.

"Sorry, Cas, guess you're stuck..."

Cas growls up at him and grabs his ass with both hands to pull him down some more onto his hips. Dean bites back a moan.

"You can do better than that." The Winchester prompted.

To prove himself, Cas wraps his legs around Dean's waist to squeeze him closer. Dean still continues to rock into Cas' hips, groaning at the feeling before moving his hands to the angel's shoulder and flips them over. He looks up at him.

"You can do this, Cas."

Castiel licks his lips, determined to carry out the job, so he loops his arms under Dean's arms and grabs his shoulders to stable himself as he begins to thrust down upon him at a quick pace. Dean moans loudly and runs his hands over Cas' sides again as encouragement, making sure to keep him steady. Cas drops his head to Dean's shoulder and releases a whine and starts to lose his rhythm.

Dean moves his hands to grip Cas' hips to steady him as it looks as if he may tip over, and meets his hips with his own to pull him back into rhythm.

"Come on, Cas, you got this."

Cas exhales shakily and expels the last of his energy on giving Dean several more hard thrusts before he groans out loud as he comes in his pants. Dean holds onto his quivering body as he climaxes and lies him down gently, beside him, once he is complete. He props himself up on an elbow to look down at the angel.

"Cas, are you okay?"

Castiel's eyes were closed as he tried to catch his breath. "Y-yes, I'm f-fine. But what about y-you? You haven't released yet."

Dean blinks in confusion before realizing that he has yet to climax. But instead, he smiles at Cas softly and gives him a kiss on the forehead. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

"But...you need to...have release." Cas says between intakes of breath.

Dean kisses him again, this time on the lips, as he runs a hand over his abdomen. "I'm fine...We should get you cleaned up."

Cas remains silent for several moments before nodding.

"Get undressed." Dean gives his thigh a reassuring squeeze as he slides off the bed, heading into the bathroom to fill up the tub.

While he is gone, Cas takes a few more seconds to regulate his breathing before pulling his shirt off, his pants quickly following. He grimaces as he slides them off.

Dean is fully nude by the time he returns and he makes his way over to Cas. Cas scoots to the edge of the bed to meet him, but he is interrupted by a small coughing fit. Dean frowns and sits next to him, running a hand over his back to try to make him comfortable.

"You okay?"

Cas answers with a small nod and he leans into Dean's side, too exhausted to support his own weight. Dean holds him close for several minutes before standing and picking Cas up bridal-style. The angel grunts with discomfort as he is lifted, but wraps his arms around Dean's neck as he kisses his shoulder, lightly.

Dean smiles sadly and walks into the bathroom and steps into the tub, sitting down with Cas between his legs, using his own chest to support the angels body.

"How do you feel?" He asks him.

"Tired..." Cas manages to mutter.

Dean tilts his head back, out of Cas' line of vision, and frowns. "I'm sorry."

"What do you mean? It's the good kind of tired. The blissful kind."

"I shouldn't have pushed you like that. You're always tired. I just...wanted to give you control over something, for once..."

Cas lays a hand on Dean's thigh. "Dean. I enjoyed it. The only thing I would like to know is why you didn't allow me to reciprocate."

Dean furrows his brow. "What do you mean?"

"You never had your release. I climaxed and you never allowed yourself to finish."

Dean smiles sadly as he reaches for the shampoo. "It's fine, Cas. Don't worry about me."

"But I do. I care about you and I shouldn't be the only one to receive pleasure during intercourse."

He pours the shampoo into his hands and begins to work it through Cas' hair. "I must've gotten distracted..." In reality, Dean was too worried to focus on his own physical pleasure. He just wanted Cas to get something out of that.

Cas closes his eyes and sighs as Dean's fingers massaged his head, causing him to completely forget about their topic of conversation. "Dean, can we eat after this?"

"Of course, whatever you want."

"I want to eat at a diner. Sam can join us."

"Sure, I bet he's hungry, too." Dean takes the next several minutes to wash the soap out of Cas' hair. "All good?"

"Mhm." Cas begins to pull himself out of the tub, but fails miserably, and slips back inside. Dean frowns and grabs him by under his arms. He stands slowly, holding onto Cas the entire time.

"Figured you'd want to stretch your legs for a moment."

Cas looks up at him and flashes him a grateful smile before taking some time to stretch the neglected muscles in his legs.

Then, there is a knock at the door. Dean sits Cas down on the edge of the tub before responding.

"Yeah?"

"Dean?" It was Sam. "You awake?"

Dean looks back to Cas. "I'll be right back." He slips on a pair of pants and a tee shirt as he makes his way to the door. When he opens it, he has to squint his eyes and blink frantically to protect them from the sudden assault of the sun's rays of light.

"Dean. Hey. Breakfast?"

"Diner up the road should be good. Be ready in a minute."

"Okay, I'll get the Impala started up."

Dean gives him a nod and shuts the door, quickly returning to Cas since he doesn't like leaving him on his own in this state.

"Was that Sam? What did he say?" Cas asks as Dean returned to the bathroom.

"Just checking in. He's ready for breakfast, too, so lets get you ready." Dean smirks and drops a towel over the angel's head and begins to dry his hair.

Cas huffs out a laugh, closing his eyes as Dean works. "I suppose I'll be using the chair then..."

Dean slowly comes to a stop, frowning heavily. As he takes the towel off of Cas he gives him a broken smile. "I guess so..." He said, his voice tight. "We could take you to a skate park later if you want."

Cas looks up at him quizzically. "Why would I want to go to a skate park?"

"It's just a joke, Cas."

"Oh."

Dean smiles at him and leans down to kiss his damp head before plucking him up and carrying him back to the bedroom. Cas sighs against Dean's warm chest and lets his arms hang uselessly by his side. Dean gently sets him upright on the bed and grabs a shirt for him.

"Think you can lift your arms?"

Cas looks to the floor to avoid Dean's eyes as he raises his arms as high as he could, weakly. Dean frowns and quickly brings the shirt down and through his arms, but leaves Cas' head stuck inside the material. He grins down at him. Cas chuckles and pulls the shirt down and he looks up to the man and smiles, his eyes filled with adoration.

Dean gives him a quick kiss on the nose before passing his boxers and jeans to the angel. "You know how gorgeous you are?"

"No," Cas smiles softly. "I'm too distracted by how beautiful your soul is." He manages to stick his feet through both the boxers and pants, but gets Dean's help to pull them up and around to his waist.

Once he was fully dressed and ready to go, Dean picked him up, holding him chest to chest and exits the motel room. By the time the reach the Impala, it is already running with Sam sitting in the passenger seat. Dean sets Cas in the back seat before jumping into the driver's seat and pulls out of the parking lot, heading to the diner. They were all quiet during the drive, it was an uncomfortable silence. They all knew it was because of the wheelchair.

After they pull up at the restaurant and park, Sam exits the car to pull the wheelchair out from the trunk. Dean opens the door to the back seat and crouches besides Cas, looking to him sadly.

"I really will carry you, Cas..."

Cas avoids his gaze. "It's unnecessary. But you can push the chair if you'd like."

Dean attempts to give him a small smile before leaning in to pull him close as he tugs him out of the car and sets him down into the chair, giving him a short kiss after he is seated. Dean steps up behind the chair and grips the handles, his knuckles white, and the three of them makes their way into the diner.

Sam opens the door for them as they enter and they are seated immediately by a hostess. Cas' chair was set at the end of the table. They order three waters and the waiter leaves them to retrieve their order. In the meantime, Sam was fixated on the menu, purposely avoiding eye contact while Cas was tracing the wooden pattern on the table with a finger.

Dean wrings his hands for a moment, staring blankly at the menu before him and he runs his hands over his face, growling to himself. Cas glances over to him, shyly, to see if he were okay. Sam looks to his brother pointedly. Dean attempts to avoid the stares, clenching his hands and digging his fingers into his palm to distract himself.

Cas begins to breathe hard as he starts to worry for him. Sam was the first to speak up.

"Dean?...Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Dean says rather sternly.

Cas' eyes snap down to his lap. The waiter returns with waters  and each man orders some food. Sam having pancakes, Cas having fried eggs, and Dean went with French toast since he didn't look at the menu thoroughly enough and picked out the first thing he saw.

The waiter noticed the thick and uncomfortable tension and quickly writes it all down before retreating back to the kitchen. Cas decides that he should try to say something to Dean.

"Dean? Talk to us. Please."

Dean looks to Cas, his voice unintentionally taking on an aggressive edge. "About what, Cas? About the fact that you're sitting in a fuckin' wheelchair?!"

Cas flinches lightly at the harshness of his words and he grimaces as he turns his head away.

"Dean, don't talk to him like that!" Sam said.

Dean shoots his brother a glare before realization takes over and his features visibly soften. He lowers his head once more and continues to claw at his hands. Cas sets his elbows on the table and buries his face in his hands and releases a shaky breath.

Dean frowns as he looks to the angel before bringing his fist down bitterly on the table and stands immediately, storming out of the diner. As Cas hears him leave, he lets his head fall to the table, his hands clutching his hair. Sam excuses himself from the table as he goes after his brother, who was pacing back and forth in the parking lot.

Sam swiftly approaches him. "What the hell, Dean?!"

"I can't do this, Sam!" He nearly shouts. "I can't fucking do it!"

"Can't do what, Dean?! Be there when he needs you?"

Dean quickly steps up and grabs his brother by the lapels of his jacket. He was more hurt than angry at his comment. "Don't fucking say that to me! All I ever do is be there for him! He's a fucking _angel_ , Sam, don't you get it?! He can't walk, he can barely move his arms, and now he's rolling around in a wheelchair!"

"And how do you think _he_ feels?! He looks to _you_ for hope, so what the hell is he supposed to do when he sees that hope breaking down like this?"

Dean thinks for a moment and lets go of Sam's jacket before turning his back on him, taking several steps away as he rubs his face in irritation. "This sucks, Sam."

"I know. But now is not the time to think about how much shit we're in. He's in there, alone, thinking he did something to upset you."

The older Winchester takes a shaky breath and nods slowly. "Okay."

Sam nods back. "I'll be in the car...Take as long as you need. And we can dump the case if you want."

"No, we need this right now...We need to have _something_ normal...Come back in with me?" He gives his younger brother a pleading look.

"...Alright. Come on, he's still in there alone." Sam turns and begins to make his way back to the diner.

Dean takes a deep breath before following his brother back inside. He approached Cas' side and leaned down, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

"I'm really sorry, Cas...I don't know what got into me." Actually, Dean had a pretty good idea of what got into him- the mark.

Cas leans into his touch, grateful for the apology. "It's alright. I know that this isn't easy." He whispers.

As he holds onto Cas for several more moments, Dean had an idea. A smile forms on his face and he pulls Cas' wheelchair away from the table. Cas tilts his head and looks up to him quizzically, unsure of what he was doing. Dean smiles wider as he steps in front of his angel before picking him up.

"You know, sure, you need this crappy chair to get around, but you at least deserve a more comfortable place to have breakfast." Dean scoots back into the booth, his back against the wall with Cas between his legs, his back to Dean's chest. Cas huffs out a laugh and leans back against him, tucking his head between the man's shoulder and neck. As Sam smiles at the sight of them, the waiter returns and serves them their food.

Dean kisses the top of Cas' head, throwing Sam a soft smile, and forgetting about the emotional pain for a bit.

"What'd you order?" He asked Cas.

Cas hums in satisfaction as he takes a bite of his meal. "I ordered eggs. Scrambled eggs."

"Good. Good for you." He nuzzles his face into Cas' hair, happy that the angel was trying to keep healthy. He remains like that for a minute or two before looking over at Sam. "so, Sammy, what about this hunt?"

Sam set his fork down. "Um, the haunted house is currently occupied by a family. Two victims were assaulted before being killed, one was an old man, and the other was the family dog. I was thinking of heading over there as state police to check it out. We can scope the place for EMF. The house is also next to an old church, with an old graveyard in the back, so I'm guessing the ghost came from there."

"Sounds good." Dean said before glancing over to Cas and shoots his eyes back to Sam. "How do we want to do this?"

"There is a library not far from the house. Cas can do research on the town. We're gonna need it since the graves in the graveyard aren't marked."

Dean nods approvingly, glad that Sam found a case that Cas could take part in. He smiles down at Cas. "Think you can manage that for a bit."

Cas smiles softly as he leans his head back to look at Dean. "Yes, research, I can do that."

Dean wraps an arm around his waist to hold him closer. "Alright, let's finish up and get huntin'."

The trio takes about another ten minutes to finish their breakfasts and they prepare to leave. Dean scoots to the edge of the booth, with his arms wrapped around Cas, and he helps the angel back into the wheelchair. He tries not to frown as he does so. As Dean begins to push Cas away from the table, Cas' face drops, unhappy to be back in the chair. Sam held the door open for them as they exited the building.

Once they approach the Impala, Dean leans down to give Castiel a gentle kiss before picking him up and settling him in the back seat of the car. He and Sam sit themselves in their seats and Sam directs Dean to the library so that they could help Cas get settled before leaving to interview the residences of the house.

Dean removes Cas from the car and sets him back in the chair. As they enter the library, Cas directs him to the history section where the two of them picked out all of the books about the town that they could find and they pile their findings on Cas' lap. Dean wheels him over to an unoccupied table and sets the books on top of it. He leaves Cas for a moment so that he could head over the vending machine to buy Cas food so that he wouldn't starve or anything. When he returned, he presented Cas with two bottles of water and three packs of crackers.

"You sure you're good?" Dean asked since he was reluctant to leave Cas on his own.

Cas grabs his hand lightly in reassurance. "I'll be fine. You go hunt. I'll read."

Dean gives that hand a gentle squeeze before leaning down to kiss him goodbye. He smiles sadly at the angel before walking away and out of the library.


	16. Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean go out to hunt a ghost while Cas provides them with research to help them solve the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so there is some mild gore in this chapter. It isn't bad, so don't freak if that sort of thing bothers you. I hope you all like this chapter. I took me a while to write.

Dean got back in the Impala after he exited the library. He didn't say anything to Sam, who sat adjacent to him, looking at him with concern. Dean just looked out the wind shield, silent and motionless. He was lost in thought. He was doubting everything. Dean was beginning to think ' _if'_  he get's better' instead of ' _when_ '.

Sam couldn't watch him like that. He spoke up to snap him out of it.

"Hey, Dean!" His brother turned his attention to him. "Um, we gonna work this case, or what?"

Dean was silent for a few moments before answering. "Yeah...uh, let's go." He backed the car out of the parking space and drove off, heading to the house.

"So...How is he?" Sam asked.

"Fine." Dean snapped. Sam decided to keep quiet for the rest of the drive. But, several minutes later, Dean broke the silence. "Hey, um...Thanks for, you know, finding a case he could participate in...He seemed happy to be able to help."

Sam gave his brother a small smile. "Yeah, I thought that maybe working a case would raise his spirits, or something."

Dean didn't respond. He was done with the short heart-to-heart moment. It didn't take long until they pulled up at the house. The brothers were dressed in their state police outfits, and they had their badges out and ready as they rang the doorbell to the old house.

 

 

Cas sighed. He had about ten different books open and he had a notepad where he scribbled down any information he thought may be useful. It wasn't that he was bored, or anything. Castiel was just beginning to feel sleepy again. He nibbled on some crackers, hoping that it would help keep him awake.

He recently received a text from Dean saying that there is no reason why anyone would want to hurt the family living in the house, and that they were also the first people to buy the house ever since the last owner died.

Thinking that may be a lead, Cas looked up who the previous owner of the house was; Randy Owens, who was a single father that raised two kids in that house. Owens just so happened to have died in the house, by accidently drowning in the bathtub. Cas assumed that he may be the ghost, attacking the new residents in his house. It made sense. He shared this information with Dean, who immediately replied, asking where he was buried.

Cas groaned in frustration and began to search for the answer. He eventually found that he was cremated. He shared his findings with Dean and continued with research, finding clues to suggest that it would possibly be another person, and not Owens.

He eventually found that one of Owen's two kids was dead. The eldest son, Bill, had committed suicide over ten years ago. He didn't live in the house at the time, but it said in the article he found that all of his belongings were brought back to the house, which was occupied by the youngest brother, Andy, at the time. Andy lived in that house for five years, but vacated the premises about nine years ago for unknown reasons. He is reportedly living in Florida.

So, Cas texted Dean, sharing his theory that Bill was the ghost and that he may be connected to an item stored in the house. Dean thanked him and went to find out what it could be. While Sam and Dean fought the ghost and burned the toothbrush the ghost was attached too, Cas fell asleep on top of the books now that he was finished with the job.

 

 

Dean smiles softly as he walks over to Cas, who remained asleep, his head resting on the table. Once Dean reaches him, he gently rubs a hand on his back, trying to wake him up.

Cas moans and slowly sits up, rubbing his eyes as he does so. "...Dean?"

The Winchester smiles and chuckles as he leans down to kiss the angel's cheek. "It's me, bumble bee."

Cas smiles brightly at him. "Did the hunt go okay?"

"Great, thanks to you. Ready to head back?"

"Yes, I'm done with reading for the next few weeks."

"Well, you did an awesome job. You deserve a break." Dean says as he wheels Cas out of the library.

"Mhm..." Cas yawns and rolls his shoulders. "My back is itchy."

Dean smiles fondly at him as he moves a hand to gently, and firmly, scratch at his back. "Better?"

"Mhm. Are we going to the motel room?" He asks as he looks up at Dean with drowsy eyes.

"I'd say so, for the night." Dean thinks for a moment before smirking. "Is your back stiff from sitting all day?"

"Maybe. I woke up and my back feels odd."

Dean opens the door to the backseat of the Impala. He carefully picks up Cas and sets him in the seat. He leaves for a moment to put the wheelchair in the turnk before returning to Cas' side. "I'll give you a massage when we get there."

"Okay, I'd like that." Cas replied with a faint smile. His back wasn't sore at all, if he were to be honest. Cas could actually feel his shoulders blades beginning to crack. Something was severely wrong, but for whatever reason, he didn't think to tell Dean. Cas decided to sleep in order to avoid the pain, so he used a little bit of his powers to put him under.

When Cas woke, Dean was just lifting him out of the car and into his arms. Cas stirs and blinks wearily at the man.

"Dean...Motel?"

"Shhh..." Dean smiles down at his angel as he takes him inside and lies him down on his stomach and settling his head on a pillow.

"Mmm...Thank you, Dean." Cas says before screwing his face. "My back hurts..." He didn't tell him that the pain was excruciating. Dean doesn't say anything and proceeds to straddle him, just below his waist, and he presses his hands down firmly on Cas' back and started to rub the muscles by his shoulders.

Cas groans in relief and rolls his shoulders. "Dean, keep doing that, it helps with the pain, a little."

Dean complies and applies more force into his hands, running his hands down Cas' back and he slips his hands under the shirt. Little did he know that by rubbing Cas' back, it caused his skin to split in two places, creating two slits running parallel down his back, each about a foot long. Dean's fingers came in contact with the warm blood flowing from the gashes and the man froze, his blood running cold. It took him a split second to compose himself before instantly drawing his hands back, his eyes widening as the blood began to seep through the shirt, and he grabbed the fabric, ripping it apart.

"Dean?!" His sudden panic was scaring Castiel, who kept trying to flip on his back and crawl away, but Dean pinned him down by the shoulders.

"Cas, stay still!" He said sternly.

The pain inside of his back began to quickly escalate and Cas' eyes widened frantically and he tried to reach back to feel what was happening. Dean pushes the hands away, keeping the angel on his stomach as he pulls away the last of his shirt. As he stares down at the gashes, his breath got stuck in his throat when he saw feathers peaking out of them.

"...It's your wings, Cas..."

Cas didn't have the chance to respond; he felt something foreign inside of his body shoving itself against his shoulder blades and he screamed as the pain hit him like a train. Dean holds Cas down, keeping a hand on his waist on at the back of his neck to keep him from turning over since he was writhing around.

"Come on, Cas, hang in there! You can do this!"

A sickening crunch was heard as the wing bones managed to completely shove the shoulder blades out of the way, and both elbows of both wings slid it's way out of Cas' back, causing a great amount of blood to flow from the wound. Castiel screams even louder, though he didn't notice it since his senses had gone blind due to the agonizing pain. Dean stares with frightful eyes as he watches his fiancé suffer, and there was nothing he could do to ease his pain besides making sure Cas doesn't accidently harm himself.

"DEAN! PULL THEM! PULL THEM OUT!!" Cas shouted as he digs his fingers into the mattress. Dean doesn't hesitate before grabbing both elbows of both wings, and pulls them as hard as he can, even standing over Cas as he attempts to free the wings. Cas takes a shuddered breath before screaming as he tries to help by moving his shoulder blades so that he was pushing the wings out. They slowly begin to slide upwards, blood pouring out in its wake.

"Come on, Cas!" Dean shouts as he continues to put all of his strength into pulling the wings. With one final scream, they slide out far enough so that Dean's pulling managed to free them completely, and they immediately pop out and spread, knocking the Winchester off of the bed. He falls to the floor, dazed only for a moment, before jumping back up. "Cas!"

The wings go completely limp and Cas releases a shuttered sigh. Dean leaps over one of the wings so that he was kneeling on the floor next to Cas, and he moves a hand to brush some of his hair out of his face.

"Fuck, Cas, are you okay?!"

Cas opens his eyes half way and he reaches out to touch Dean's arm . "Y-yes...I'm fine. Just st-stop the bleeding."

Dean nods and leaves Cas' side to go grab the medical kit in his duffel. He climbs on the bed and kneels over Cas, gently pushing some feathers out of the way, before bandaging the wound. He bit his tongue as he worked on the gruesome injury. Cas occasionally flinches and shouts as Dean bandages him, even though his touch was as gentle as he could make it. Dean apologizes each time and finishes as quickly as he can before sliding off of the bed to fetch a wet rag from the bathroom.

He returns with a dripping towel and resumes his place over Cas, cleaning up the blood that painted his body. Cas' whole body shakes, including his wings, which also twitch on occasion. Dean mumbles encouragement to him and plants several kisses at the base of his neck for support, trying to help settle the distressed angel.

"Dean? H-how bad is it?" Cas asked after about fifteen minutes.

"...What do you mean?"

"My wings. Are they bent in any way? Deformed at all?" Cas was concerned about the fact that the wings literally shot out of his back when this is no possible way for them to even fit inside his body. There can be no way they can come out and _not_ be deformed in one way or another.

Dean furrows his brow as he sits back and surveys the condition of both wings. Yes, they were covered in blood, but they were large, black, and absolutely stunning; even in their current state. His eyes widen. "Cas...they're _beautiful_..." He meant it.

But Castiel grimaces. "They're covered in blood and shredded skin."

"That doesn't mean I can't still _see_ them. The Impala gets dirty, does that make it any less of a car?"

"...No..." Cas buries his face into his pillow. He slowly raises his wings before shaking them much like a wet dog would do, causing blood to splatter all over the room.

Dean shouts out in surprise and gently places a hand on his back to get his attention. "No, Cas, stop! You've got to be sore...I'll take care of it for you."

So, Cas spreads his wings as far as they could in the cramped motel room, and he fluffs up the feathers as an invitation to groom. Dean huffs out a small laugh before leaving for the bathroom again, returning with an ice bucket full of water. He repeatedly wets the rag as he slowly and thoroughly starts to clean the feathers. Cas sighs in what would be please if he weren't in so much pain. Then, there was a knock at the door.

Dean looks up without moving from where he stands. "Sammy?"

Sam's voice is heard through the door. "Hey, Dean, I went to the fast food place down the street to pick up dinner. Open up!"

Dean looks to Cas, waiting for instructions. He didn't want to do anything the angel was uncomfortable with.

Cas simply shrugs, drooping his wings. "Do what you want...I don't mind."

Dean hesitates a moment before hollering back to his brother. "You're gonna want to leave it at the door, Sam."

They could hear Sam sigh. "I'll...I'll just leave the food at the door, then....um, bye."

Dean waits several moments before slowly approaching the door, and looks through the peephole before quickly opening it and snagging the food. When he closes the door, he locks it.

Cas lifts his head when he smells the food. "What is it?"

Dean gave him a sad smile as he reaches into the bag and pulls out a burger. He passes it to him gently. "Your favorite..."

Cas smiles as he eagerly reaches for it, and devours it within minutes. The process of pushing his wings out had really tired him.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asks as he reaches out to brush Cas' hair back into place.

"Fine...My back is sore, but I'll be okay..."

"Good," Dean said with a faint smile. "Cas, Och said something about needing some special feather to use for the spell...Does that mean _these_ wouldn't work?"

Cas frowned. "No, they wouldn't. Feathers store grace, and since my grace is so weak, these feathers do not have nearly enough to work. The only feather that we can use is the one Och has access to."

"Why did you tell me we needed _a_ feather back at that museum?"

"I didn't think to tell you at the time." He said with a shrug.

Dean nods, and scratches the back of his head. "Well, I guess we better head to Och tomorrow."

"I don't want to go. I want to go back to the bunker." Cas' speech was muffled as he talked into the pillow.

"Why don't you wanna come?" Dean asks as he furrows his brow.

Cas turns his head around to meet his eyes. "Well, there is a major wound on my back causing me excruciating pain, and I'd like to go home and rest."

"Okay. We can get you home. I'll meet you at the bunker after I deal with Och."

Cas frowns heavily. "You're not coming home with me?"

"I will, but you'll just get there first. I'm just taking a detour."

"Okay, Dean...Whatever you think is best." Cas said with an exhausted sigh.

It was Dean's turn to frown. "You know what? How about you disagree with me for once and tell me what _you_ want." He said softly.

Cas' eyes were like that of a doe as he spoke in a hushed whisper. "I don't want you to leave me."

Dean smiled sadly at him. "Okay. I'm not going anywhere."

"Dean? How will I even get home? I can't fit in the Impala. My wingspan is just under 18 feet."

Dean's eyes widened slightly as he realized their dilemma, and he racked his brain for an answer. When he came up with one, he smirked. "How do you feel about car jacking?"

"I suppose I'd be okay with it." Cas said with a shrug. "But we'll need something bigger than an ordinary car."

"Okay, _bus_ jacking then. We can take the seats out to give you room to lay down. Or, we could always rent a U-Haul."

Cas nodded. "A U-Haul. It's not illegal to rent one."

Dean smiles and continues to clean his wings, growing close to the base of Cas' shoulders. "Stop me if you feel any pain."

Cas tenses. "I've _been_ feeling pain. But don't stop, the feathers need to be cleaned.

Dean bites his lip harshly and moves his hands slowly as they work the blood out of the feathers. He leans down to kiss Cas on the back of his neck. The angel hums and fluffs up his feathers a bit more. Dean smiles softly and gently runs his fingers through the large, black feathers, using only gentle touches.

"You're so beautiful, Cas..." Dean said in awe. Cas' breath shudders and his wings arch up, feathers touching from wall to wall. Dean's eyes widen as he observes how the wings react to the simplest of touches. He reaches out again and runs his hand through the feathers again. This time, the wing under his hand shivers with pleasure and pushes up back into his touch. Dean chuckles and repeats the action with a bit more force. Both wings flutter and immediately tense.

Dean draws his hand back and lowers his head in shame. "Sorry..."

"N-no, it wasn't you..." Cas shifts his lower half slightly. "I'm just... _aroused_ , as you might say."

Dean huffs out a laugh and smirks down at his angel. "This is a turn on?"

Cas blushes. "Well, the wings are a very sensual part of a birds body, and it is the same for angels."

"Can you take anything like that right now?" Dean asks, lowering his voice with concern.

Both wings droop. "No. Not for a while."

The Winchester quirks a sad smile and leans down to kiss the top of the mess of dark hair. "Thanks for knowing your limits." He said softly. "Hey..."

"Yes, Dean?"

Dean leans a bit closer and smirks at him. "How good is your stamina when you've got your mojo back?"

Castiel returns the smirk. "Dean, I'll be able to make you orgasm whenever I want simply by snapping my fingers. I'll be able to go for several rounds a day."

A blush works its way onto Dean's face as he slightly falters before pulling back, pouting a bit. "Well, good to know I'll never keep up with you." He grumbled.

Cas chuckles. "But I will make sex even more pleasurable for you when I'm a full angel."

Dean remains silent as he runs a hand over his face. "That's not fair, Cas."

Cas' smile was quickly replaced with a frown. "Are you upset about that, Dean? I never meant to offend you."

"It doesn't _offend_ me, just makes me feel a little insignificant now..."

"Dean...After billions of years of never feeling, the way you make me feel in bed is _oversational_."

"Oversational?"

"...Maybe? I don't remember if that's a real word or not. Is it?"

"I don't think it is, Cas..."

Cas spends a minute trying to come up with the correct word before sighing in defeat. "I cannot remember the correct word to express how I feel."

"It's alright, Cas, I get it."

But Cas wasn't listening to him. His hands clench in his messy hair as he stresses out on trying to remember. Dean furrows his brow in concern and reaches out to lightly pull Cas' hands down.

"Cas, stop. It's not that serious. It doesn't matter."

"It's not just the vocabulary, Dean. I am starting to have holes in my memory." Cas avoids Dean's eyes as he speaks.

"It's just your loss of grace. Don't worry about it now. We'll get your grace back and you'll be able to remember."

"...Dean...I know I've known you for the past six years, but...I don't remember meeting you." Castiel confessed.

Dean felt all of the air knocked out of his lungs as if he were punched in the gut. "It...it was a mission from heaven...You pulled me out of hell..."

Cas covers his eyes with his hands as they begin to tear up. "I'm so _sorry_!"

"Hey hey hey..." Dean gently pulls Cas hands away from himself again and ducks in close to meet his eyes, speaking lowly and firmly. "We're going to get your grace back. You'll get your memories back. Everything will be okay."

Cas looks at him sadly and folds his wings tightly against his back. He buries his face under Dean's chin as he pulls the man down to lie beside him. It didn't take long for the angel to fall asleep. Dean holds onto him as he waits for him to fall asleep. After an hour, Dean gets out of bed and goes to sit in the armchair again and he watches Cas, thinking deeply about how the hell to make his life easier for him in some way. He didn't want it to be a hopeless cause. It couldn't be.


	17. Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Cas has his wings, it reminds Dean just how quickly they need to get his feather. After taking him home, Dean must go to Och to receive his end of the deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to post. AP testing, graduation shit, yadda yadda yadda. I'm pretty damn busy.

It was nearly noon when there was loud knocking coming from the other side of the door to their room.

"Dean, open up! Time to get ready to go!" Sam shouted through the wooden door.

Dean slowly glances at the door, tired from not having much sleep, before standing and going to open it. He supposes now would be a good time to tell his brother about the situation with Cas. As he opens the door, Dean sticks his head out to keep the inside shielded from sight.

"Where's the closest place we can get a U-Haul?" He immediately asked Sam.

Sam furrows his brow in confusion. "A U-Haul? Why the hell do we need a U-Haul?"

Dean takes a step away from the door and quickly motioned for his brother to enter. Sam slowly walks inside and as soon as he saw the large mass of black feathers coming from Cas' back, his jaw dropped while the eyebrows hit his hairline.

"Wh-what the hell?!"

Dean shoves before shushing him, not wanting to wake up Cas yet. He lowers his voice to address his brother. "Crowley must've finished the spell, obviously. Cas is very sore, we're going to need a U-Haul and a mattress."

"Um, y-yeah, I'll get them..." Sam's eyes were still locked on Cas' wings, completely fascinated by them.

Dean furrows his brows and looks from Cas to Sam before leaning into his view, waving sarcastically. "Hey, yeah, that's my fiancé. Could you _not_ stare." Dean found once he started their relationship that he was quite possessive of the angel.

"Oh! Yeah, sorry!" Sam said when he snapped out of it. He turns his attention to Dean. "Is he okay, though?"

"He's hangin' in there...Just got to pull him through."

"Alright. I'll get the U-Haul. Do you want the kind that attaches to the back of the car or the truck?"

"Probably better to drive it back separately...It'll make the ride smoother."

Sam nods. "Okay. Then I guess I'll get a cab to take me to the U-Haul place. Have him ready by the time I get back."

"Gotcha." Dean closes the door behind his brother as he walked out. He looks back over to Cas, who was still fast asleep, and decides that he'll pack before waking him up. And, so for the next half hour, Dean packed their belongings and washed the blood stains off of the carpet to the best of his ability.

Dean decided now would be a good time to wake his angel, and so he sat on the side of the bed and gently brushes one of his hands over the elbow of the closest wing. The wing flinched and drew back to Cas' back. Dean furrows his brows a bit and repeats the action, but applying a little more pressure. This time the wing shivers under his touch and Cas begins to mumble something in Enochian under his breath as he sleeps. It causes Dean to crack a smile before he leans down to kiss the angel softly as he continues to brush the wing. Cas moans slowly and his eyes slowly open, and when they meet the green eyes in front of him, he smiles.

Dean pulls back and looks at him with love written all over his face. "How're you feeling?"

Cas stretches his arms and wings as far as they would go in the small room, groaning softly as he stretches. "Better than yesterday."

"Good to hear." Dean says with a smile. "Sammy's out getting you a U-Haul and a bed to rest on for the ride back."

"Okay." Cas begins to sit up, grabbing onto Dean's shoulder for support.

Dean waits until his is completely vertical before wrapping an arm loosely around his waist, being careful as he looks back at the drooping wings. "What do they feel like?"

"Imagine losing your arms for over a year and suddenly having them reattached to you. I'm happy their back, but it still hurts."

Dean gives him a small chuckle and he pulls Cas closer to him. "No, Cas, like...what does  it feel like having wings? They're not arms or legs, and they're huge...what's it like?"

Cas sat and thought for a moment on how to word his answer. "It just feels natural to me. Losing them made me feel handicapped. It is like you living in a world of people with no arms, and suddenly your arms are chopped off. Technically, you're handicapped, but now you live in a world where arms are irrelevant. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Dean thinks it over a second before nodding. "Yeah, I can get that." He smiles. "I'm so glad you've got them back."

"Me too. I now feel physically whole again. But I won't be able to make them 'invisible', as you call it, until my grace is restored."

A sigh works its way out of Dean as he looks back at the wings again, before returning his attention back to Cas, giving him a smile. "Do they really need to be invisible?"

Cas blushes and smiles sheepishly. "Only when in public."

A moment passes before Dean slowly reaches out to touch his wings again and holds his breath as he cards his fingers through the soft feathers. Cas closes his eyes and hums as he pushes his wing into Dean's touch, encouraging him to pet him.

"My wings don't hurt anymore. Its only my back, so no need to be so gentle." Cas says softly

Dean smiles and presses his hand harder against the wing, brushing his fingers through the feathers as he shakes his head in amazement.

"They're perfect..." He says, just above a whisper.

Cas moans lowly. "You should see them when my grace is restored. There is a faint blue glow that outlines each individual feather."

Dean chuckles and moves his hand from Cas' wing, to his side and pulls him closer. "You're just beautiful in every way, aren't you?"

A blush works its way under Cas' skin as he hides his face, sheepishly, into Dean's shoulder, wrapping a wing around the man as some form of a hug Dean smiles lovingly down at the angel and works a hand under his chin to lift his face up. Once Cas was eye to eye with him, Dean leans in and kisses him deeply. Cas moans into it and lifts a hand to caress his face gently. Dean smiles sadly and pulls back, keeping a hand on Cas' chest to keep him from following.

"I don't want to hurt you, Cas..."He says, trying to come across as stern.

Castiel tilts his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"The moaning, Cas...It's a turn on. You're supposed to be taking it easy so..." Dean smirks. "Don't get my feathers ruffled.

"Well, groping my wings is a turn on for me, so I'm not the one to blame." Cas smiles brightly.

"I'm gonna get you back for that when you're well enough to play."

Cas' wings spread and flare out slightly in an act of intimidation, putting no real meaning behind it. "Good luck with that."

Dean smirks and brings one of his hands down on the closest wing, near the shoulder, causing Cas to shiver and moan. Cas quickly pulls his wing ahead before slapping Dean, lightly with it.

"That's not fair!"

Dean laughs and holds his hands up in surrender before wrapping them around Cas' wait as he rests his chin on Cas' shoulder. "Aw, did the little angel get himself all worked up?" He said jokingly.

Cas huffs out a laugh before wrapping Dean's body in his wings, snuggling close to him, and drop down to lie on the bed, with Dean trapped between a wall of feathers and his chest. The angel tightens his wings around the man, causing him to smile.

"Was this your plan all along?" Dean asked. "Get your wings back so you could hold me captive in them?"

Cas sighed and nodded against him. "I've been waiting for _years_ to hold you in my wings."

"I thought years were trivial to angels."

"But waiting for you felt like an eternity."

Dean smiles and nuzzles into his soft hair. "Now it's gonna feel like eternity isn't enough, huh?"

"I agree."

The sound of a car honking outside got them to sit up. Dean got up to look through the peep-hole and saw Sam going around the U-Haul to open up the back. He looks back over to Cas.

"Looks like our ride's here." He walked over to him and holds out his arms. "Ready?"

"Are you sure? I'm going to be heavier."

Dean shrugs. "Maybe you should lay off the burgers." He said jokingly.

Cas smiles and smacks him with a wing before looping his arms around Dean's neck as he picked him up. To make it easier for him, Cas wrapped his wings around Dean's back to keep them out of the way.

Dean pokes his head out the door to make sure no people are around before quickly rushing over to the U-Haul and sets Cas down as gently as he could. Cas thanked him as he crawled on top of the mattress that was available. Dean got into the back with him to make sure he was comfortable and situated before kissing him goodbye and closing up the back of the truck. He went around front to jump into the driver's seat. Sam got into the Impala and followed Dean as he drove out of the parking lot and onto the road.

 

 

 When Dean opened up the back of the U-Haul, he noticed that Castiel was still asleep. He crawled onto the soft mattress and lightly takes hold of a wing and lifts it up. The wing moved out of the way for him and folded itself on Cas' back and Dean took the chance to lay beside him. The wing moves itself to cover Dean, like a blanket, which makes him chuckle as he runs a hand through the velvety black feathers. He leans over to kiss Cas' cheek softly.

Cas moaned lightly and shifted his body as he began to wake up. He stretches all six of his limbs like a cat before curling back into Dean's side.

"Rise and shine, angel." Dean whispers into his ear.

Cas groans in protest, and Dean runs a hand over his side to soothe him.

"Come on, Cas. I need to carry you in. Don't want your wings draggin'."

With a sigh, Cas grabs onto Dean's sturdy shoulders and pulls himself up. "And into bed?"

"If you want to sleep, then yes, I'll put you in bed."

Cas nods and scoots over to the edge of the U-Haul as Sam walks over to meet them.

"I don't think you should sleep, Cas. You slept the whole way." The younger Winchester pointed out.

Dean glares at his brother. "He's tired, Sam. When you're tired, you sleep." Dean hops out of the back and moves over to Cas to pick him up.

Sam sighs in annoyance. "He hasn't eaten all day, Dean. I'm just saying that you should get him fed before putting him down."

Dean narrows his eyes at Sam before turning his attention to the angel in his arms. "How 'bout I make you some dinner and then put you to bed?"

Cas nods and folds his wings tight against his back as he wraps his arms around Dean.

As they enter the kitchen, Dean pulls a chair out from the table with a foot and spins it around before setting Cas onto it. Cas sat where his chest was against the back-rest of the chair, and his wings were able to move freely behind him. After fishing out a plate of pre-made sandwiches, Dean pulled out another chair beside him and spun it around to sit the same way, nudging Cas with his shoulder and casting a smile at the angel when he looked over.

Sam sat down at the corner of the table on the opposite side. Instead of eating, he watching Cas out from the corner of his eye. He knew there was something Castiel wasn't telling them. It most likely had to do with his grace. Dean eventually caught Sam staring at Cas and he cleared his throat.

"Knock it off, Sam." He warned, his voice low and menacing.

Cas averted their eyes and licked his lips nervously. "Dean, I'm finished."

Dean looked down at his plate and frowned when he saw that Cas had only eaten less than half of the sandwich.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm full."

Dean smiled sadly and kissed the side of his head, "Ready to go to bed?"

Cas nodded in response. Dean stood and picked him up bridal-style. Cas didn't fold his wings to his back since he was so tired, so Dean had to walk backwards to their room to avoid tripping over them. Once they make it to the room, Cas was already fast asleep. Dean laid him down on the bed and pulled the covers up to his shoulders. He smiled sadly down at the angel before leaving the room and heading back to the kitchen to clean off their plates. As he's scrubbing the gooey ketchup off of his own plate, Sam stood ip behind him and spoke up.

"Dean...I think Cas is lying to you, in a way..."

The older Winchester furrows his brows and turns to him, slowly, not believing what he just heard. "What did you say?"

Sam stands his ground. "You heard me."

"Yeah, I think I did. I also think you're crazy."

"Just listen, Dean. If you were dying, instead of Cas, would you tell him how much pain you're _really_ in? He's supposed to be _dead_ in under two months. He should be in more pain than he's showing."

"Of course he's in pain, jackass! Which is why we gotta hurry up and get this damn spell done."

Sam sighs irritably. "But what I'm trying to say is, wouldn't you lie to him if you were in unbearable pain? You'd probably want to _sleep all day_ to escape the pain."

It suddenly clicked for Dean. Cas hardly ever complained about pain, and Dean's well aware that he could tolerate a lot of pain without even twitching an eye. He is a warrior of God, after all. No doubt they've been trained to endure intolerable agony.

Dean remains silent for a moment as he takes it all in before taking a step back as he runs a hand over his face. "God dammit..." He muttered.

"You should go, Dean. To Och. And get his feather. Don't take Cas, he'll only slow you down and you need to get it _now_."

"But he asked me not to leave him..." Dean said quietly as his shoulders drooped.

"Then what are you gonna do? What he wants or what he needs?"

Dean thinks hard for a moment and looks back to the direction of his room where Cas lie, sleeping. He decides that Sam was right, Cas' health was more important at the moment, and maybe he could get back before the angel even notices he was gone. It would be a nice surprise for him to wakeup and find that the spell is finished and ready for him to take. Dean grabs the Impala's keys from his pocket and strides out the door, heading for the garage. He wasn't going to bother with any goodbyes, he needs to do this as fast as possible. Once he gets into his car, he stabs the key into the ignition and puts the pedal to the medal, making his way to the portal.

 

 

It is a little after midnight by the time Dean reaches the park where the portal resides. As he exits his car and makes his way over, one of the guard angels makes their way over to meet him halfway.

"Winchester," The guard with the pink hair said. "Here for Och, I presume?"

"You guess right, dickbag, where is he?"

The angel doesn't respond. She only motions for him to follow and near shoves him into the portal. Dean grunted as he is pushed and squeezed his eyes shut the block out the blinding white light the portal produced. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself in Och's office, with Och sitting at his desk with a long, black feather outlined in blue lies on display on his desk.

Dean sighs in relief at the sight of it before looking to Och, suspiciously. "That's his feather, right?"

Och plucks the feather up and spins it between two of his fingers. "This is Castiel's feather."

"Well good, hand it over." Dean says as he takes a step closer.

Och's eyes snap up to Dean. "The deal was to _deliver_ the spell, not _enact_ it!"

That gets Dean to freeze. "Either way I paid it off!" He said, raising his voice. "You got your damn wings back!"

"I asked you to _deliver_ it so we could _prepare_ for it. It was _painful_ and we were unprepared."

"I didn't fucking know! You should've _said_ that! I didn't even know it was activated until Cas' back was fucking bleeding!"

"Then who enacted it, pray tell?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at the angel. "Last I checked, that was none of your damn business."

"It _is_ my business. It was ordered by _me,_ after all."

"It was _asked_ by you because you couldn't do it yourself."

Because I am much too busy running a province of heaven." Och said with a light scoff at the end.

"Yeah, and I was busy saving Cas, but here I am!"

"A province of heaven is _much_ more difficult than caring for one sickly angel, _boy_." Och said bitterly.

Dean huffs out a dead laugh. "That's what _you_ think. That's because you can't _feel_ , not a _damn thing_. You missed that lesson in life, you winged dickbag."

"And I'm not _burdened_ with emotions like you are. The point is, you made a mistake in the deal and so you must pay."

"Pay _what_?!"

"Castiel." Och said with a wicked grin. "He needs to be punished for what he's done. Give him to us for...say, five years, and I'm being _more_ than generous with that. Have him agree and then you'll have your feather."

"... _Five years_?! You douche bags can make a minute feel like an eternity! You're not getting Cas for five fucking _seconds_! Even if I did agree to that, I wouldn't just go off and trust _you_ again! You're still holding onto the damn feather!"

"Get him to agree and I will deliver the feather to you so you can heal him before we take him. He will be a full, healthy angel before we take him."

Dean gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists. "How do I know? How do I know you're not just gonna take him while he's sick and make him suffer more?"

"How about I just _mail_ it to you, then?"

Dean scoffs. "Yeah, I bet it'll get 'lost' in the mail."

Och gives him a bitch face. "Then I will directly send a _human_ to wherever you wish to deliver the feather."

A moment of silent passes and Dean decides that now would be a good time to offer himself. "Take me instead."

"I told you, we don't want _you._ We want Castiel. This is me being generous. I could have him taken for an eternity, but instead, it is a mere five years. I am going against the laws of heaven by not keeping him for the rest of existence." Och said. The truth was, he was actually lying. He wants _both_ Cas and Dean. Both took part in the Apocolypse, and Dean was as deserving of punishment as Castiel. He planned on keeping them forever. He didn't need to keep to his word.

But Dean wasn't through with trying to trade himself. "You want to hurt him don't you? Make him pay for the apocalypse and for the angels falling? How long is five years of suffering to an angel whose already been alive for over _billions_ of years. You guys want _me_ instead."

"No. He's done more than you believe, Dean. How much do you _really_ know about Castiel? You've known him for six years, but he has done more damge to heaven in the past. We are fed up with it."

"I know it'll hurt him worse if you take me...It'll hurt him like hell."

"We will gladly take the both of you, if you want. As long as we have Castiel, I don't care if you're there or not."

"Alright." Dean responded immediately. "I'll get him to agree. And you're gonna hand over that feather."

"I swear to it." Och said, raising a hand over his heart. "Now, go. I have a province to run."

Dean shoots daggers at the angel before there was the blinding flash of white light and he found himself in the sandbox. He grumbled to himself as he quickly made his way over to the Impala, intent on getting home to Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!! If the following listed below is a trigger for you, STOP READING!!  
> -explicit gore  
> -torture  
> -sexual abuse  
> -rape/non con  
> -drug use  
> -self harm  
> -suicide attempt(s)  
> -PTSD, Depression, Anxiety  
> This fic is really gonna get dark. Yeah, there'll be fluff and smut, but when its angsty, its super fucking angsty


	18. All Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas must decide what they must do in order to get the feather. Will they accept being tortured for five years, or will they just accept Cas' fate and let him die?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, so sorry it took nearly a month to put up this chapter. I've been hella busy. Also, read the list below because after this chapter, the fic will contain the following items listed.
> 
>  
> 
> WARNING!!!! If the following listed below is a trigger for you, STOP READING!!  
> -explicit gore  
> -torture  
> -sexual abuse  
> -rape/non con  
> -drug use  
> -self harm  
> -suicide attempt(s)  
> -PTSD, Depression, Anxiety  
> This fic is really gonna get dark. Yeah, there'll be fluff and smut, but when its angsty, its super fucking angsty

While waiting for Dean to return, Sam decided to stay with Cas while he's sleeping so he could be there in case he needed anything. Sam sat in the armchair in the corner of the room and pulled out his phone. He opened up Trivia Crack and passed the time playing it. After several hours (and several games won), he thought that now would be a good time to change the bandages on Cas' back. Sam got up and walked up to the bed, shaking Cas' shoulders lightly once he was at his side.

"Hey, Cas. C'mon, wake up." Sam said softly.

Cas buried his head deeper into the pillow and groaned in irritation. One of his wings swatted at Sam.

"G'way, 'm sleepin'..." Cas mumbled.

"Cas, work with me here, please. Dean's not here, so I need to take care of you."

That got Cas' attention. He sat up and rubbed his eyes before blinking wearily up at Sam. "Dean's not here?"

"No. He went to get your feather. Don't be mad at him, I urged him to go."

Castiel leaned back against the headboard and sighed. Of course he isn't mad at Dean. Cas would do the same thing if their roles were reversed, and he only wanted Dean here for comfort. Dean cared about him and will do whatever it takes to save him, which is what worries Cas. He knows just how far Dean will go to save a loved one. Hell, the only reason Cas and Dean have met is _because_ he sold his soul to save a loved one.

"I'm not mad, Sam." Cas said as he looked up at the younger Winchester. "I completely understand why he left."

Sam sighed in relief and it appeared a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Cas showed his back to him and allowed him to get to work, stripping off the old bandages, cleaning the wound, and dressing it with fresh bandages. After that, Sam decided to make conversation to see how the angel was _really_ doing.

"Hey, um, Cas? Can you be honest with me?"

"Of course, Sam."

"No, I mean, _completely_ honest. Like what you won't tell Dean."

"Oh..." Castiel mumbled and he hung his head. He already feels guilty enough for technically lying about how he is feeling, and he doesn't wish to be reminded of it. "What is it you wanted to know?"

"Just...How are you doing? Really."

"You can't tell Dean, okay?" Cas waited for Sam to nod before continuing. "I honestly don't feel like I can last much longer. The pain is near unbearable and every day is a struggle. Now, that's all I have to say." To show that he meant it, Cas laid down on the bed, his back to Sam, and covered his side with a wing to put a barrier between them. Sam only looked at him sadly, already knowing that he was going to tell Dean.

 

 

 

Dean was speeding down the highway, on his way back to the bunker, when he gets a phone call from Sam.

"What?" Dean hissed into the phone, stressed enough already.

" _You need to come home, man,_ " Sam said. " _Cas is refusing to eat and get out of bed._ "

"Give him the phone." Dean snapped. There was rustling noise in the background before he heard the angel speak.

" _Dean..._ " Cas sounded tired, which deeply concerned Dean.

"Cas, how are you holding up?"

" _...Not good...When are you coming home?_ "

"I'm on my way right now. Look, I need you to eat something, Cas, _anything_ before I get there. Sam will get you whatever you want and you can eat in bed, but when I get back we need to talk."

He heard Cas sigh softly. " _But I'm not hungry..._ "

Dean frowns and softens his tone. "Try something small, okay? For me?"

" _...Okay, Dean...I'll find something. Just be home soon._ "

Dean swallows hard and speeds up. "I will...I love you a lot, you know that?"

" _Of course, Dean. I love you too._ " Cas hands the phone back to Sam.

 _"So, you coming back yet?_ " The younger Winchester asked.

"On my way. Get him fed, Sammy. Make sure he's okay."

" _I'll do the best I can. Do you have the feather?_ "

Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightens and he hangs up the phone, not ready to talk about it yet. He drives through the night, and by the time Dean pulls up into the garage, Sam is already waiting for him. Dean steps out of the car and would have walked passed his brother if Sam hadn't grabbed his shoulder.

"How is he?" Dean quickly asked.

"As fine as he can be. And I'm assuming you don't have the feather since you fucking hung up on me."

Dean shoves his way past Sam and nearly jogs to the bedroom, locking the door behind him to make sure they wouldn't get interrupted. He saw Cas asleep on the bed with a half eaten burger on a plate sitting on the nightstand. Dean approaches the bed slowly before turning away and pacing in the room, unsure of how to break the new to Cas.

Castiel began to mumble in his sleep, a wing twitching. After a moment of deciding how to wake him, Dean goes to kneel on the floor beside him and gently shakes his shoulder.

"Cas, wake up." Dean says softly.

As Castiel slowly begins to wake, he turns his head in the direction of the voice and smiles when he sees Dean kneeling beside him. He reaches a hand out to stroke his cheek.

"Dean...You're back." Cas said softly.

Dean frowns and gently takes hold of his wrist as he leans into the touch and he shuts his eyes tightly. Dean does his best to keep tears from falling and he lowers Cas' hand and speaks lowly.

"Cas, we've got to talk..."

"Okay..." Cas pulls away to push himself up and sits with his legs crossed.

Dean moves to sit next to him and he takes the angel's face in both hands. "Cas...I'm _so_ sorry for leaving you..."

Cas smiles softly at him. "It's okay. I understand. Sam explained it to me."

A shaky breath escapes Dean and smiles sadly at his angel, so relieved that he hadn't upset him as much as he expected. "I went to the portal to talk to Och..."

"How did it go?"

Dean locks his jaw, reluctant to tell him. He slowly shakes his head before speaking. "I broke the deal, Cas...He didn't give it up."

Cas lets out a defeated sigh and closes his eyes. "Is there... _any_ other way of getting the feather?"

"Yes..." Dean's voice cracked as he whispered.

A single tear slowly rolls down Cas' cheek. "Then tell me. I'm not sure how much longer I can endure this."

Now Dean couldn't hold back his own tears. "He wants us for five years after you're fixed."

"What do you mean he wants us?"

"He's pissed at us, Cas...For the Apocalypse, the Fall, and other shit we did. He wants us so he can _punish_ us..."

Cas squeezes his eyes shut as he begins to cry harder. "Why _us_?! Why can't they just take _me_?! Why must they take you, too?!"

"Why can't they just take _you_?! Cas, you'd be suffering, alone, for _five years_!"

Cas drops his face into his hands. "You don't deserve it! I don't want you to go through that because of me!"

"I don't _deserve_ it?! Cas, _of course_ I deserve it! I've don't things I can't pay for, and I'm _not_ letting you suffer alone!"

Castiel chokes out a sob. "I'd rather die than send you to five years of torture in heaven!"

Dean roughly grabs the angel's shoulders, getting him to meet his eyes. " _Why_ , Cas?! Why would you think like that? If you went to heaven for _five years_ of torture, _alone_...I would never forgive myself."

"But I've been tortured in heaven before. You have _no idea_ how bad it is. It is worse than hell, and I'm not exaggerating."

"...You've been tortured before?" Dean asked, stunned.

Castiel nods. "Whenever I messed up, I would be taken to Naomi to be 'corrected', as they call it. They would torture me as punishment and then erase my memory of all that they did to me, but they never erased the fear and pain. I remember all of this now because you had freed me from Naomi's control several years ago, and I was also given back my memories of being tortured as a result."

Dean was left speechless for a moment before holding onto Cas even tighter. "Hey, listen to me, Cas...We can get through this. Five years is all he asked for. Just five years of it in all of eternity."

"But I don't want you to go through what I've been through. I would honestly rather be tortured in hell rather than heaven."

Dean pulls Cas into a firm hug, wrapping his arms around the angel tightly. "Damn it, Cas, I'm so sorry...This is all my fault, I should've just brought them the spell in the first place."

Cas hugs him back. "It was Crowley's fault and you know it...But how about when they come for us, we fight back?"

A moment passes as Dean thinks it over before pulling back to look at him. "Have we ever _not_ fought back?"

"So why stop now?"

Dean gives him a small smile before shaking his head with a light scoff. "I've got a better question. Have we ever not _won_?"

Cas gives him a small smile. "So we fight back, then? Tell him we agree to it to get my feather?"

"Yeah...We can do that."

"Then pray to Och. Tell him our answer."

Dean gives him a short nod and closes his eyes as he begins to pray. "Hey Och...we're in. I want that damn feather now. Have it brought to us. Don't you fucking dare go back on your word or I'm coming back for you."

After several seconds of waiting for a reply, Dean hears Och's voice in his head. " _Where shall I be sending my messenger boy, then?_ "

"There's a Gas n' Sip in Osborne, Kansas. We'll meet there."

" _Tomorrow, at noon, my man will be there. I will also bless the feather myself._ " Ochs voice slowly begins to fade away until it is heard no more. Dean's eyes shoot open and looks over at Cas in disbelief before pulling him in for a tight hug.

Cas clings to his back as if it were his lifeline, his eyes wide and flowing with tears. "You did it, Dean..." He whispered against the side of the hunter's head. Dean only tightens his grasp around the angel and buries his face in the crook of his neck, crying and shaking, completely overwhelmed with relief. Cas wraps his wings around them, encircling them in a cave of feathers as he begins to whisper Enochian into the man's ear as tears continue to stream down his face.

Dean huffs a small laugh and sniffles as he raises his head a bit. "What the hell are you saying to me?" He asked with a small smile.

"There isn't an exact translation...But all you need to know is that I am basically saying how you are my world and that I love you so much." Cas leaned in to kiss his forehead.

Dean's smile widens and he rests his chin on the angel's shoulder, thinking for a moment. "Is there an exact translation for just 'I love you'?"

"Olani hoath ol."

Dean pulls back and leans his forehead against Cas' as he looks deep into those bright, sapphire eyes. "Olani hoath ol, Castiel."

Cas immediately surges forward and kisses the man roughly, though filled with love and fiery passion. Dean eagerly returns it and pulls Cas closer to him, leaving no room between their chests. Cas whimpers against his lips, and his feathers puff up with lust and desire. Dean pulls away, only to stand and to pick Cas up, keeping him chest-to-chest, and he carries him out of the bedroom. Cas' legs wrap around Dean's waist for support as he plants firm kisses onto one side of Dean's head, causing the man to chuckle lightly.

When Cas lifts his head to check their surrongings, he sees that Dean has brought them to the basement, heading towards a worn out couch in the center of the room. Dean sits down on the plush cushions, keeping Cas on his lap, and reconnects his lips to his angel's. Cas' wings flare out in surprise of the sudden kiss, but he quickly melts into it and moans.

"Dean..." Castiel's voice was deep and gravelly as he spoke. "Why are we down here?"

"Room is cramped..." The Winchester mumbled as he moves his lips down to pepper Cas' neck with wet kisses and tiny nips. "You can stretch your wings out down here."

Cas feels his heart swell with love and gratitude, and he slowly began to spread his wings. They were able to open fully without any feather touching any walls. It felt glorious to stretch his wings again. Dean leans forward to gently kiss down the side of his jaw, causing the angel to sigh softly. Cas knew that Dean would save him. They now just needed the feather and he would spend the rest of eternity with his Dean Winchester.

 

 

After they made love in the basement, Dean carries Cas to the library (where Sam is), so they could tell the youngest Winchester the good news. Dean strolls up to the table and sits Cas down on one of the chairs and takes the one beside him for himself. He gave his brother a cheeky grin.

"We got it." He said, his eyes shining brightly.

Sam looks up from his laptop and raised a brow. "Got what?"

"The damn spell!"

"Really? You have the feather?" Sam's eyes widen as he asked.

"We're picking it up first thing tomorrow. Noon. And it gets better- the thing is gonna be _blessed_."

Sam smile and huffs out a laugh as he directs his attention to Cas. "Looks like you're gonna be okay, Cas!"

"All thanks to Dean." Cas says as he wraps a wing around the older Winchester.

Dean lets out a small scoff. "You don't give yourself enough credit. And Sammy was the one who found the spell in the first place."

Cas nods in understanding. "Of course, my apologies. Then in that case, I owe my life to the Winchesters." He grabs one of Dean's hands and begins to play with his fingers.

Dean frowns. He doesn't want Cas to think that he owes his life to them. He isn't obligated to save them, and Dean doesn't wanting him to feel as if he needs to. But he supposes he'll talk to him about that after they work the spell.

Cas was the one to break the silence. "Dean, when should we marry?"

Dean looks over at the angel with a sweet smile. "Whenever you want, Cas. Pick any day, but not any of our birthdays."

"I have 362 days to chose from. That is a very large selection."

"We'll have plenty of time to decide after we cure you." Dean says softly. "What did you want to wear?"

Cas smiles and leans his head on Dean's shoulder. "A suit, I suppose. With a green tie."

Dean smirks and leans back against Cas. "Maybe I should wear a _blue_ tie."

That got Cas to smile wider, and he lifted his head up to kiss the man. "I like that idea."

"What color suit?"

"I think white."

"Why white?"

"It's the color of the robes we wear in heaven."

Dean nods. "That's neat. My suit will be black."

"I like it." Cas says, also nodding. "And I'm tired. Can you take me to bed?"

Dean gives Cas a small smile. "Of course." He stands and picks up the angel bridal-style and turns to Sam. "Need anything else."

"Yeah," Sam said. "Come back here after you put him down. We need to talk."

"Pushy, pushy..." Dean muttered under his breath as he starts to walk away. As he walks, Cas holds onto his shoulders loosely and leans his head against theman's chest, already trying to sleep.

Once Dean carries him into their room, he sets the angel on the bed and tucks him in, planting a kiss on his  cheek for good measure. "Good night, bumble bee."

Cas smiles as he feels his heart melt. "Olani hoath ol." Those three words got a big smile out of Dean. He said the words back to him before gently shutting the door and heading back to meet Sam.

Dean sits where he was before and Sam clears his throat before speaking.

"I've been thinking, Dean. When Cas goes back to normal, you do realize that your relationship will not be the same as it is now?"

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, his brows furrowing.

"Well, he's all clingy now, like a child, but when his grace is restored, he's gonna be like his old self again. Distant and lacking of emotions."

Dean locks his jaw and glares at his brother. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm just saying that you gotta be prepared for a different Cas. I mean, there is no doubt he loved you before he got sick, but how he _expresses_ it will change."

"Who the hell says he'll go back to being distant?! He's still the same Cas!"

Sam sighs. "As he got sicker, Cas kinda began to lose his mind, _remember_? Before all this shit, there would be _weeks_ between his visits."

"So what, you think he's just gonna run off once he's healed?"

"No, I think he won't be around as often as you hope he'll be."

Dean scoffs as he stands and starts to pace. "So I'm just going to marry him to _not_ see him?" He turns back to face Sam. "Why don't you let him make his own damn choices?!"

"I'm not making decisions for him, Dean! I'm just thinking of possible outcomes!"

Dean strides back over to the table and slams a fist down onto the wood. "Just let me be happy, Sam, for once!" He shouts. "Let me celebrate the fact I'll actually _get_ to marry him! For five fucking minutes! Can't you go one day without filling my head with doubt?!"

Sam raises his voice to math his brother's. "I'm just trying to help, Dean! You're ignoring possible outcomes that'll hurt you if you don't see them coming!"

"Screw you and your possible outcomes! You don't know if you're right! Just because you're _you_ doesn't always make you right!" And with that said, Dean turns and stomrs off to the bedroom, leaving his pissed little brother behind.

After Dean enters the bedroom and slams the door shut behind him, he looks up to find Castiel already awake and sitting up, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Dean? What was all that yelling about?"

Dean sighs and approaches the angel, sitting on the bed beside him, and stays silent for a moment before pulling Cas closer to him, holding him from around the waist tightly. Cas leans into his head and rests his chin on his shoulder.

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here for you." The angel said softly.

Dean swallows and speaks lowly. "You'll always be here for me, won't you Cas?"

"Of course, Dean. I don't know what would make you think otherwise." Cas lifts a hand and cards it through the man's hair.

"...Castiel is your whole name, isn't it? You don't have a last name or anything?"

Cas shakes his head. "No last name."

Dean pulls back enough to look at him in the eyes. "Cas...Castiel Winchester...What do you think of that?"

He receives a wide smile. "Castiel Winchester...I love it." The angel said.

Dean huffs a small laugh in relief and gives his fiancé a brief kiss. "Together forever, right? I know it sounds corny, but we're talking _eternity_ here, Cas..."

Castiel lifts his head up and forward to give him a kiss on the forehead. "Yes, and I am looking forward to each and every moment of spending the rest of eternity with you."

Dean releases a shaky breath and closes his eyes before looking back up to Cas, his face serious. "Cas...Do you remember how you and me acted before you got sick?"

"Most of it, yes. What about it?"

"We never really stayed around each other for long...We'd go weeks at a time not saying a word to each other."

"We were busy, Dean. Neither of us had the time."

"Yeah, but we're gonna go back to being busy when your angel game is up to par and I scrub this fuckin' mark off."

Cas grips the man's shoulder. "But this time I have a reason to come back...Because this is my home now, and more importantly, you will  be here."

Dean lowers his head and looks up to him sadly. "You _are_ coming back, right?"

A hand cups one of Dean's cheek and gently lifts his head up. "I will at least be home every night." Cas said. "I will most likely follow you around wherever you go."

Dean grabs the angel's wrist to hold it in place. "You don't have to cling to me, Cas...Just promise me, _promise me_ you'll come back...and we can still do things like this, just touching and holding each other."

"I promise you because I _want_ to. I didn't know you loves me before I got sick, so I never saw a reason to stay."

"Yeah, but..." Dean shifts and moves a hand to Cas' neck, the other to his thigh. "I still want to do this, too. You're gorgeous, Cas, I wish I could keep mu hands on you all the time. Just being able to reach out and touch you whenever I feel like it, or when you do the same thing to me. I don't want to go back to being distant."

"Dean." Cas leans his forehead against his. "I want this. I want to be here. I'm _going_ to be here."

"Olani hoath ol..."

Cas kisses his lips softly with a smile. "Olani hoath ol, too, Dean Winchester."

That gets Dean to smile against the angel's lips. "Olani hoath ol, Castiel _Winchester_."

Castiel's heart practically melts and he gently grips the back of Dean's head to pull him in for a hard kiss, moaning softly against his lips.

Dean's eyes widen in surprise but he quickly returns the kiss, smirking against his lips before pulling back. "Already?"

Cas closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Dean's. "No...I want to sleep. The sooner I sleep, the less time I will have to wait for tomorrow to come."

A chuckle works its way out of Dean and he gives the angel another quick kiss and climbs into bed beside him. "Good choice. Tomorrow you'll be full throttle."

Cas lies down completely and covers Dean with one of his wings and an arm. "Goodnight..." He mutters before drifting off into sleep.

Dean hums and pulls the warm body closer to him. "G'night, Castiel..."

 

 

 

There is loud knocking at the door at 11:00am, waking both Dean and Castiel up. Dean reluctantly opens his eyes and peers over one of Cas' bushy. black wings to find Sam just entering their room.

"Wake up, guys! One hour till noon!" Sam says enthusiastically before rushing out of the room to prepare for the drive.

Dean grunts lowly in response and nudges the wing out of the way as he sits up in bed and smiles as he sees a pair of two bright blue eyes watching him.

"Good morning Mr. Winchester." Dean purrs.

Cas smiles and blushes softly, ducking his head down to hide his face against Dean's thigh. Dean chuckles lightly and reaches down to card a hand through the messy hair. It gets Cas to sit up, with a smile on his face, and the angel pulls him in for a firm and loving kiss. Dean smiles into it and holds onto him as he hums.

"Ready to be holier-than-thou?" He mumbles against Cas' lips.

Cas pulls away to look at Dean fully. "Yes, but I will remain here as you retrieve the feather."

"You're not going?" Dean asks with a frown.

"No, Dean..." Cas' wings droop. "I...just don't feel well enough to leave the bunker...Let's just say I'm glad we have the spell almost complete almost complete now rather than later."

Dean feels his heart drop. He leans forward and kisses his angel ever so gently. "When I get back, and when you get well, lets go somewhere special. Someplace completely on the other side of the world and spend a day there together, just you and me."

Cas smiles widely. "That's a good plan." He takes both of Dean's hands in his. "Take Sam with you, just in case."

"But what about you? You need someone to look out for you."

"I'll be fine. It'll only be for a bit."

Dean nods and leans in again to kiss his temple. "Think you can stomach your breakfast? You should try to eat if you can..."

Cas licks his lips and looks away. "I'm not hungry..."

Of course, this worries Dean, but he has more important matter to tend to. Once they get the feather, Cas won't have to worry about eating ever again.

"Alright, Cas..." Dean slowly steps out of bed.

"Be safe, Dean." Cas said, giving him a little wave. Dean gives him a small smile in return and bends down to kiss his forehead. Just as he turns to leave, he felt Cas grab onto his wrist. "Oh, and Dean? One more thing." Cas reaches under his pillow and pulls out an angel blade. He hands it over to Dean.

Dean furrows his brows as he takes it. "Cas, how did you get this?"

"I had one in my trench coat. When I could still walk, I took it and put it under the pillow, just in case."

Dean knew this was a lie. He almost never left Cas' side, and when he has, there was no way Cas could've gotten the angel blade form his coat. He looks back over at him and frowns.

"You didn't make this while you were sick?" Dean asked, studying Cas' face for any signs of falsehood.

"Of course not, Dean...I wouldn't make myself more sick..."

"You promise me that?"

Cas looks at him as he opens his mouth to speak, but then he shuts it closed and turns his head away, crossing his arms in defeat.

"Cas..." Dean kneels down on the floor beside him. "When did you make this?"

"Demigod hunt..." Cas mumbled without meeting Dean's eyes.

Cas was already so sick...so close to death. Dean didn't want to give him a lecture on how wrong it was for Cas to do that. He'll let this one slide, and its not even important at the moment. What _is_ important is getting that feather, so Dean gave Cas a kiss on the top of his head and walked out without saying a word. He gripped the blade in his hand tightly and he clenched his jaw shut.

When he entered the garage, he could see Sam already sitting in the passenger seat, all ready to go. Sam gave Dean a questioning look after Dean got into the car, placing the angel blade beside him on the seat.

"Where'd you get that angel blade?" Sam asked.

"Cas made it." Dean practically growled as he pulled out of the garage.

Sam sighed. "Dean...While you were gone, I talked a bit with Cas. He says he's close to giving up."

Dean tightened his grip on the steering wheel and pushed the gas pedal down a bit more, increasing their speed. "Not for long."

 

 

 

As they pulled into the Gas n' Sip parking lot, Sam spotted a man, dressed as a priest, holding a briefcase who was looking around the lot for someone.

"I think that's our guy." He pointed out.

"Yeah, we'll see about that." Dean said as he parked the car. Both of the Winchesters got out of the car and swiftly approached the man. Dean kept the angel blade tucked into the back of his pants, just in case, and Sam had a gun in his inside jacket pocket, as well. Once the man saw the boys coming up to him, he met them half way.

"Are you two the, uh, Winchester?" He asked a bit nervously.

Dean motioned to the briefcase. "Is that the feather?"

"Feather? Oh, I don't know what's in here, I was just told to deliver it to someone called Winchester."

Dean snatched the case from his hand and turned his back to them to investigate the contents. Sam kept his eyes on the priest to make sure he wouldn't pull any stunts. As Dean opened it up, his eyes widened and he sighed with relief when he saw the long, black feather that was outlined with blue. Castiel's feather. It was also supposed to be blessed, so as long as it is, Cas is saved.

"C'mon, Sammy." Dean turned around and swiftly strode back to the Impala. The boys quickly boarded the car and sped home.

As soon as Dean pulled into the garage, they both hopped out and sprinted away; Dean heading for Castiel, and Sam going to set up the ingredients. They stored the ingredients they've already collected in a small fridge near the work bench in the garage. Sam quickly opened it up and pulled out everything they needed- the nun's bone (which he had gotten, himself, a while back), some of Dean's blood (it was in a syringe), the demigod heart, and then there was the feather. Sam began to tear up the feather and crush the bone, putting them in a blending machine with the blood before filling up the heart with the 'blood smoothie'.

Dean sped to the bedroom as fast as he could. But upon arrival, his breath got caught in his throat when he opened the door. Cas was lying on the floor, in a puddle of black goo, with a shattered lamp and several books scattered around the room.

"Cas!" Dean immediately rushed in and dropped to the floor and picked up Cas, holding him against his chest and cradling his head with a hand. Cas' head shot up and he coughed up some of the goo still left in his throat. He blinked up and saw Dean before reaching a weak hand up for him.

"Dammit, Cas!" Dean felt tears prickling his eyes and he stood up and carried Cas out of the room, walking backwards so that his wings won't trip over them. It took a while longer to reach the garage, but once he walks through the door, Sam immediately rushes over and picks up Cas' wings before they lie him down on a table. Dean reached down to help Cas sit up and takes the filled up heart from Sam, holding it up to Cas' lips.

"C'mon baby, just drink this up and eat the heart and you'll feel a lot better." Dean said softly, coaxing Cas to take small sips from one of the larger arteries. It took over ten minutes for him to drink it all, and it took twice as long for him to eat the chewy heart of the demigod. Once it was all gone, the three of them held their breath and waited for something to happen.

And a whole minute passed by, until-

"Dean, something's wrong!" Cas panicked and his eyes were wide with fear as he looked to Dean for help.

Dean felt his own heart stop as he took in a sharp breath. "What is i-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence. That's because Castiel exploded (but without fire). Both brothers were hit with flying blood, organs, skin, etc. and they fell flat on the floor. They laid there dazed for a moment before slowly sitting up and taking in the sight around them- the entire garage was painted with Castiel. You could pick out specific pieces of his body (internal and external) lying about, and it immediately became apparent to them. Castiel was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, hold your horses! don't freak out! just wait for the next chapter!


	19. You Were Only Waiting For This Moment to Arise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Castiel's explosion, Dean and Sam must now figure out what to do. In this chapter, we follow Dean and Sam through the stages of grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read this chapter. And the next one. There is a reason I don't have a certain tag up on the thingy.

  
Stage 1- Denial

Dean looks around the room, eyes wide and jaw dropped. 

No. It couldn't have happened, they've done the spell correctly, haven't they?! Maybe Cas' vessel just exploded. Maybe he, himself, is okay! Right?! But having a part of Cas' small intestine draped over his shoulder convinced him that his angel was truly gone.

 

Stage 2- Anger

His head tilted back and he cried out in anguish, tears already making trails down his blood-coated cheek. Sam stared at his brother, eyes wide in disbelief. Dean's shout brought him back to reality just as the older Winchester stood up and proceeded to pick up a crowbar.

With his fists clenched around the crowbar he swung it at the nearest car (luckily not the Impala) and smashed the hood, shattered all windows, and severely dented the sides, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Dean!"

Sam finally snaps back to attention and immediately ran over to his brother and tired his best to hold him back. But Dean shoves him off harshly, causing Sam to land on top of what appears to be a wad of flesh-covered feathers. He instantly leaps to his feet in horror as Dean turned his attention back to destroying the car.

Sam tries one more time to get Dean to stop, wrapping his arms around him and trying to break through to him. But, again, Dean pushes him away, shouting curses and threats, holding the iron bar over his head as he yells at Sam to get out.

"GET THE FUCK  _OUT_!!!  **GO**   _AWAY_!!!" 

Sam's eyes begin to tear as he slowly turns and limps towards the door. He planned on getting heavily drunk as he grieves the loss of a good friend.

 

 

Stage 3- Bargaining

After his brother left, Dean moved on to destroy another car (again, not the Impala). This continued until he finally dropped to his knees in exhaustion about half an hour later.

He buried his face in his hands (which were still slick with Cas' blood) and began to sob and shake.

He eventually moved to their room, and as soon as he closed the door behind him, he instantly broke down again, screaming at God and any angel that would listen, filling his prayers with curses and pleads to return Castiel to him.

No one answered him.

 

 

Stage 4- Depression

Dean lays in bed, staring up blankly at the ceiling, various heavy alcohol and beer bottles scattered about the room. He doesn't lift his head when Sam knocks on the door and slowly opens it.

"Dean...it's been three days...I think we should, you know, clean up the garage now..."

Dean locks his jaw and remains silent as he reaches over for a half empty bottle of Jack and he sits up enough to take a slow drag from up. 

Sam sighs. "Dean, please...it's something we need to do. Don't you want to bury his remains?"

Dean finally responds by huffing out a dead laugh. "What is there _left_  to bury?"

Sam runs a nervous hand through his hair. "There is still his bones and...organs...And there are feathers you could keep..."

"His feathers..." A small, emotionless smile appears on his face as his eyes water. "Sammy, you should've seen him when he spread his wings..."

"I know, Dean..." The younger Winchester slowly makes his way deeper into the room and closer to his hurting brother. "And you want to remember that, right? Keep his feather. He would've wanted you to."

Dean frowns. "He would've wanted a lot of things...A cat. Homemade honey. A road trip."

"I know. And I'm deeply sorry that he never got those things. But we can't just  _leave_  him splattered all over the garage. That isn't right for him. He deserves better."

About a minute of silence passes as Dean stares up blankly at the ceiling in thought. "Okay...Just...do me a favor before we do this."

"Sure, Dean. Anything."

Dean locks his jaw and closes his eyes as tears slide down his cheeks. "Go out for me and get a white suit..." Dean says, his voice breaking. "One you know would fit him. And a green tie...one that would match my eyes. I want to bury him with it... That and his trench coat."

Sam nods slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat with difficulty. "Okay, sure. Now let's go...clean up..."

Dean keeps his eyes shut a moment longer before sitting up slowly and hangs his head, gripping his hair tightly.

"I, uh...have gloves for us to use..." Sam holds out a pair of rubber gloves.

"I don't want 'em." Dean says lowly.

Sam frowns and lowers his hand. "Well, c'mon, Dean. The sooner we get this done, the better."

The older Winchester slowly get to his feet, holding onto the dresser as he finds his balance. Once his legs were steady, Dean turns and passes Sam, dragging his feet towards the garage. Sam slowly follows suit, garbage bags in hand as he watches his brother closely in concern.

Once Dean steps up to the door leading into the garage, he grabs the handle and slowly pushes it open, revealing the bloody and meaty mess within. Sam takes a deep breath before following his brother through the threshold. The room didn't smell particularly fresh anymore. And Cas was still...everywhere. Sam looks down and grimaces at the sight of half of Cas' bottom jaw, teeth and skin coated in blood. He felt bile rise in his throat.

Dean notices how his brother reacts and puts a hand on his chest to stop him. "Go back inside."

"Dean...why? What's wrong?"

"I'll take care of this." Dean says, avoiding eye contact.

"You don't have to do this alone..." Sam puts a hand on his shoulder. "But if you really want to, then I'll go out and get the suit and tie for him."

Dean lifts his head to look at his brother in the eyes as he smiles widely with tears streaming down his face. "Same color as my eyes, Sammy. You got to remember that part."

Sam smiles sadly. "I'll remember. Don't worry." As Sam turns to head to the Impala, his gaze drops and he spots a single sapphire eye, laying out of its socket. He gagged a little before quickly striding to the car.

After Sam pulls out of the garage, Dean drops down to his knees, in the middle of the mess, and cries into his hands.

 

Several hours later, Sam returns, and he pulls into an almost-clean garage (it would take a while to clean up the blood stains all over the floor, walls, and part of the ceiling). Dean was sitting in front of several full trash bags, smelling foul with rotting flesh. His eyes had run out of tears a while ago. At the sight of his brother, he stood.

"Dean..." Sam walks up to him and holds out the suit (which was covered in a clear plastic wrap). "I'm so sorry, Dean...If you want to talk about it...then I'm here for you."

Dean lets out a shuddered sigh before responding with a broken voice. "You know...one time Cas and I had this little 'spat' in the kitchen...when he asked me how I was feeling... I ended up telling him that so long as whatever I had wasn't in pieces in front of me, I would be fine..." His eyes were blood shot and swollen as he looked up at Sam. "I'm not fine anymore..."

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Sam tried so hard to be strong for Dean, but he couldn't do it anymore. He pulled his big brother into a hug as he, himself, began to cry.

"There's gotta be some way to bring him back, Dean... We'll look for it."

Dean pulls out of his hug and looks to the suit, making sure he didn't get any blood on it, even if it was covered in a protective layer. Once he deemed it okay, he looked back to Sam.

"There's no way, Sammy... Angels don't go to heaven when they die...or anywhere. They just... _cease to exist_..."

"What about God? He brought Cas back before. Maybe somehow we can get him to bring Cas back. As a favor. Considering we've saved the world several time."

"Yeah, when he specifically told us  _not to_  several times. He's not gonna do anything but smite us!"

Sam sighs. "Look, just find a box to bury him in. And this is what he was going to wear when you two got married, right? Well, do you have a ring to match?"

Dean thinks for a moment before shaking his head and huffing out a dead laugh. "I never got the chance. He was gonna make me one from his grace..." He says to Sam with a small smile.

"Yeah, good luck trying to top that." He huffs out a dry laugh. "Have you decided what you wanted to do with the feather?"

Dean remains silent as he gathers the feathers he collected (cleaned of gore) off of a table. He clutches them with a hand as he closes his eyes and gives the bouquet of feathers a kiss.

"I think I'll keep them in my jacket..."

 

 

Stage 5- Acceptance

It has been about a week since Cas' explosion.

Sam and Dean stand in a small meadow within the forest surrounding the bunker. They were both looking at the box they had just lowered into the hole they had dug. Dean was straight faced and showed no signs of emotion, while Sam looked like he hasn't slept in days.

They were both wearing the outfits they would have worn at the wedding. Dean had on a black suit and a blue tie, one that would have matched Cas' eyes. Sam wears a dark grey suit with a red tie.

"Dean...do you want to say goodbye?" Sam says softly as he picks up the shovel.

"I'll never want to say goodbye." Dean responds solemnly.

"You want to do the honors?" Sam hands over the shovel.

Dean huffs a laugh as he takes it. "There's no honor in burying an angel."

Sam frowns. "Sorry. You know what I mean."

Dean smiles sadly and speaks just above a whisper. "Yeah..."

"I'm gonna go back to the bunker." Sam says with a sigh. "Give you some time alone." With one last sad look at the box in the ground, Sam turns and walks off.

Dean waits until he could no longer hear his brother walking before dropping the shovel. He runs a hand over his face in exhaustion before sitting in the grass, right in front of the hole. He clamps his hands together and smiles straight ahead, as if Cas were sitting right across the grave, mirroring him.

"Hey, Cas..." Dean mutters softly. "I know you're not really gettin' any of this, but I'm still gonna pray to you...every night. I want you to know all our plans still stand. I'm gonna-" Dean pauses for a moment, taking in a shaky breath as he tries to hold back his tears. He smiles softly. "I'm gonna celebrate your birthday... September 18th, every year...And I'm gonna come up with a way to go to all the zoos and fairs you wanted...I'm still gonna get a cat. I'll never know it personally like you would, so smack me with a wing if I name it something stupid." He chuckles lightly, and lowers his head.

"I was never able to get that ring you wanted...I still have no idea how to make one for you, but I'll still find a way to celebrate our anniversary every year...I was thinking March 20th. It's the first day of spring...It's when all the bees start waking up, and I remember how much you loved bees." Dean begins to cry and he doesn't try to hold it back this time. "I still love you, Cas... I'm not sure I'll ever get passed losing you. I'm trying so hard not to blame myself for it because I know you'd say it wasn't my fault... Olani hoath ol, Castiel Winchester... I'm gonna miss you so much." Dean drops his head into his hands as he breaks down completely.

 

 

Stage 6- Surprise

It has been two months since Cas exploded.

Dean lies asleep on his bed. Throughout the past few weeks, Sam has been helping him get through their loss. He wouldn't be alive if Sam hadn't made sure to keep him fed and bathed. When Sam wasn't taking care of him, Dean was either sitting quietly in his room, drinking, or sleeping. It was always irritating when Sam woke him for 'check up's. Dean was sick of it all.

And today was no different. He didn't know what the time was, but he felt the familiar hand make it's way through his hair. Dean groaned in irritation and tucked his head under the pillow, trying to escape the touch. 

Then he felt the hand travel down his back and he furrowed his brows under the shelter of his pillow. Okay, Sam was getting kinda creepy now. It was when that hand made it's way over his thigh when Dean growled and shoved the hand off as he immediately sat upright, getting ready to yell at Sam, but what he saw froze him in his tracks. His eyes widened and his breath was caught in his throat. The hand was  _not_ Sam's.

"Hello, Dean."


	20. Whats Dead Should Stay Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is this intruder? Can it be Castiel, or is this a fake? Dean will have to figure it out on his own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to post, I was rather busy. I also wanted to post this ASAP so I didnt take the time to check for mistakes, so I apologize if there are any. Also, I made a destiel video which I posted on youtube. Check it out at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7ecNk_8aEE

Whoever and whatever it was that sat on the edge of the bed beside Dean and looked exactly like Castiel (or technically Jimmy's vessel). Not only that, but he (or possibly 'it') was wearing Cas' original trench coat and tie.

Dean's eyes widened at the sight and he scrambled away and off the bed, snatching Cas' old angel blade that he kept on the nightstand. The person (or monster) stood up, the bed standing between them, and kept his eyes on Dean's. Dean pointed it at the intruder, his hand shaking.

"Who the fuck are you." He growled.

The Possibly-Not-Castiel looks down at his body and back at Dean with his brows furrowed. "Am I missing something? Did I recreate my vessel wrong?"

"Yeah, asshat, the fucking angel that goes in it! You've got three seconds to scram before I make your wings extra crispy."

"Dean. It  _is_  the angel that goes in here."

Dean furrows his brows before growling, shaking his head as he tries to refuse to believe it's true that his fiancé could be alive. "No, its not! He died in my arms! I fucking buried him! I know you're not him!"

The intruder looked at him calmly. "My vessel exploded because I was ripped from it and dragged to heaven were I was healed. Unfortunately, it took a while."

"A  _while_?! Cas' been dead for sixty-one days, you fucker!"

Whoever it was ignored what Dean said. "I can prove it, Dean. I can tell you things that we've only shared between each other."

Dean huffs out a dry laugh. "What are you gaining from this?"

"Dean. I could still hear your prayers. You decided that we should have married on the first day of Spring. March 20th."

Dean freezes, his eyes widening before he growls and shakes his head again. "It was a prayer! Anyone of you dicks could've heard it!"

"That's not true. Not if you direct your prayer to a specific angel. We also decided that September 18th would be my birthday."

"Then you read my damn mind! You can do that, can't you?! Cas wouldn't read my mind, he wouldn't invade my privacy!"

The impostor groaned in irritation. " _Dean._  It's  _me_.  _Really_. You said you'd let me get a cat but because you are allergic, I agreed on getting a hairless cat."

Dean hangs his head, gritting his teeth before slowly looking back up at the intruder, tears falling from his eyes. "What the hell did I do to you? What more could you possibly take from me?! The angel, Castiel, is  _dead_!" His knees gives out from under him and he crumbles to the floor. "He's dead and  _nothing_  can bring him back to me!"

The other instantly drops to his knees and covers Dean's shoulders with an arm, his hands gently rubbing his shoulder. "I was never dead," He whispers to Dean. "The spell worked, Dean, but I was kept in heaven for two months with no way to contact you. I'm so sorry."

Dean turns his face away from the other and lets out a low growl, quivering slightly as he remains silent.

"Dean. It's truly me... I like to bite your shoulder during intercourse and I had but bees in your room. Please, Dean...see that its me."

The Winchester finally turns his entire body to face him and he shakes his head softly. "Why would you put  _bees_ in my room?"

"Environmentally friendly honey, Dean. I like bees."

Dean huffs out a small laugh. "You like the bees and the bees like you."

The other smiles. "That's right. I...also have something for you... If you don't want it, I understand..." Dean watches as he pulls a silver ring out of his pocket. It was beautiful. It had a blue streak running across the center on the band. Dean lets out a shaky breath before looking up to those familiar sapphire eyes.

"... _Cas_?"

Castiel brings a hand to cup his cheek. "It's me, Dean."

Dean hesitates before lunging forward, wrapping his arms around his beloved angel, crushing him against his chest as he buries his head into the familiar shoulder, crying out loud. Cas holds him back, tightly and securely before picking him up and laying him down on the bed while keeping his arms around him.

"It's okay, Dean. I'm here now."

Dean lets out a joyous laugh before pulling back to take a look at the beautiful angel. "I know you are. I can't believe I  _know_  you are. I can't stop crying because I'm so damn happy!"

Cas manages to wiggle a hand between them to hold up the ring with a shy smile. "Do you still want it?"

"Do I still  _want_  it?!" Dean huffs out a laugh before grabbing either side of Cas' face and crashes their lips together for a moment. "Cas, now that I've got you, I don't want anything else."

Cas smiles widely before grabbing Dean's left hand and slips the ring he had made onto the correct finger. He looks back into those green eyes before leaning forward to kiss him hard, having been deprived of it in the last two months.

Dean continues to hold that beautiful face close to his own, chuckling into the heated kisses they exchange, still in disbelief that Castiel was back.

Cas pulls away far enough to speak, a smile still on his lips. "I missed you so much, Dean."

"I missed you so much, too... Jesus, you're really here, aren't you?" 

Cas reaches a hand up to stroke the Winchester's face. "I'm here, Dean. I'm not leaving."

Dean closes his eyes and leans into the gentle touch. Cas huffs a small laugh at the sight.

"Now I must figure out how to announce my presence to Sam without being attacked."

Dean lets out a laugh and circles his arms around the angel's waist, pulling him in even closer to rest their foreheads together.

"Not happening." He mutters to Cas.

Cas gingerly takes Dean's left hand and slowly slips the ring onto his proper finger. "We are still to marry, yes?"

Dean smiles as he looks down at his hand and it turns to a frown when he glances back up to Cas. "I never figured out how you wanted me to make you one..."

Cas raises the hand to kiss the back of it, causing the Winchester to blush. "It doesn't matter if you make it from paperclips or from pure gold. I will love anything you make for me because it will be  _you_."

Dean gives him a small smile before an idea hit him like a train, causing his eyes to widen with excitement. "Stay here a second," He says as he leaps off the bed and rushes out of the room.

As he waits, Cas removes his tie and shoes. He takes a moment to look around the room and frowns when he sees empty bottles of alcohol scattered everywhere throughout the room.

He looks up again several minutes later when Dean jogs back into the room, panting lightly, and holding something within his closed fist.

"I...um..." Dean started to say. "After my Dad died, I've kept this in the glove box of the Impala..." He slowly moves to sit beside Cas on the bed and he grabs one of his hands with his free one as he looks deeply into those beautiful eyes of his. "Cas...I still don't think this is as  _close_  to how amazing the ring you made me is...But I've kept this all this time and I guess its time to make use of it..."

Dean slowly reveals what he hides in his fist. Cas smiles widely when he sees it. A simple gold wedding band. Formerly John Winchester's. Dean smiles at Cas' reaction and he slips the ring onto his left ring finger, adding a kiss to his forehead for extra measure.

"Dean..." Cas says, breath taken, as he looks down at his hand. "This is perfect. It truly is."

"Olani hoath ol, Castiel. I love you and I'm planning on sticking with you for all eternity. And I think by now I can guess what you're gonna say, but would you do the honor of marrying me?" Even though Dean was certain what the answer would be, he couldn't help but feel nervous.

Cas' eyes look at him, filled to the brim with love and adoration and he reaches a hand up to caress his face. "I want nothing more than to marry you, Dean Winchester."

Dean smiles widely before bringing his hands to the angel's neck to pull him in for a passionate kiss, humming into it. Cas moves to lay Dean across the bed and he hovers over him, licking into his mouth. 

They stay like that for a while, their tongues dancing around each other before Dean pulled away slightly to speak.

"Missed me a lot, huh?"

 "Very much, Dean. You have  _no idea_." In heaven, Cas was practically clawing at the walls, desperate to get out. There was no way to stop it. Dean, constantly praying, crying, begging for him to return. Begging for him to be alive. It was absolute torture.

But, it was over now. He was home, he was wrapped in Dean's arms who kissed him like it was the end of the world.

Dean nuzzled his face against the messy dark-brown hair. "Yeah. I can say the same here." He said softly.

Cas closes his eyes as he sighs heavily. "I am so sorry you thought I was dead...When you prayed before, you mentioned that you buried my remains. I would like to see it tomorrow, of that's okay with you."

Dean's brows furrowed. "I mean...sure, but why would you want to?"

"That is where my suit is buried, for one. I would still like to wear it when we marry."

"Alright," Dean says with a soft smile, holding onto his angel tighter. "But we'll have to get it cleaned. I can't promise it's gonna smell very good. Any other reason?"

"There is no need to worry about cleaning it. I just need to know where it is and I can make it appear as good as new. And I would like to see where you said goodbye."

Dean's smile dropped to a frown. "...I never really said 'goodbye', Cas...I couldn't get the words out."

Cas sighs. "Well, you know what I mean. That location means something to you and I would like to see it."

"It's not far from here...There's a clearing in the forest behind the bunker that I thought would work...I was going to go out and plant flowers around your grave during the Summer...get all the bees to come, just like they used to..."

A moment passed as Cas thought it over before giving Dean a soft smile. "No offense, Dean...that's wonderful idea, but I'm glad you don't have to do that anymore."

Dean leans upward to kiss Cas' head. "I am too..."

Cas lays a hand on his thigh, stroking it gently as he leans forward to kiss his fiance lovingly, hand moving to his chest. Dean lets out a soft and needy moan, moving his hands to the angel's sides, pulling the two of them closer together. Their hips start to grind hard against each other, causing them to groan simultaneously.

Dean smirks against Cas' soft lips as his hips roll back and forth. "Hey, Cas...How much stamina does a full angel have again?"

Cas groans before he is able to respond. "A  _lot_ , Dean." With just a thought, Dean's shirt disappears and Cas eagerly ducks his head down to decorate Dean's chest with numerous amounts of kisses.

"What else can you do?" Dean asks in a hushed tone as he threads his fingers through Cas' hair.

"I can instantly make you prepared or come with just a thought. But I will not do that. If I am to bring you pleasure, it is to be by my own hands."

Dean sits up with a smirk. "Do whatever you want to me, Cas. Just make sure you keep that energy up for round two." Dean whispers in a husky voice. "Because I plan on explicitly showing you just how much I missed you."

Cas lets out a shaky breath. "Have your way with me now, Dean. I  _need_  to feel you in me." After being able to hear Dean, but not being able to reach him, he needs to fix the aching desire he has to be held by the man.

Shivers run up Dean's spine and he brushes his lips over his angel's as he speaks. "You sure about that?"

Cas nods. "I'll take you later. I just need you now." He surges forward to connect their lips together, whining slightly as he kissed the man desperately. Dean kisses him back strongly, pushing him back against the mattress as he starts to undo his shirt. Once it's removed, he tosses it away and begins to nip and suck at Cas' neck. Cas' breathing is heavy and his hands grasping Dean's side.

As Cas lets out a shuddered moan, Dean runs his hands over the angel's chest, pinning him down firmly as he moves his lips over one of the nipples available. Cas gasps and his hands flew to grab two handfuls of Dean's ass. It gets the man to groan.

Dean sits up and pulls his angel onto his lap as he leans in close, whispering into his ear.

"Where're your wings at, Cas?"

As Cas kisses at Dean's neck, there is a flash of light and his black wings appear, but this time, every feather was highlighted with electric blue. The wings spread as much as they could in the small room. The sight of them literally took Dean's breath away for a moment.

"Why not zap us somewhere with a little more room?"

Without lifting his head from the man's neck, Cas transported them and the bed to the room in the basement they had had sex in the day before he exploded.

Dean huffs out a short laugh as his hands move to rid Cas of his belt. The angel whines and his hips cant forwards involuntarily. He was already hard and desperate after two months of separation. Dean slides Cas' pants off before tugging him onto his lap.

"I've got you, angel..." He whispered.

Cas leans his forehead against Dean's as he uses his powers to get the two of them completely naked. They moan in unison as their lengths came in contact with each other.

Dean takes the both of them in one hand and begins to stroke them strongly. "Always so eager..." He mutters. "And you make the best noises when I touch you..."

Cas trembles with pleasure, moaning out Dean's name as he leans forward to bite his shoulder. Dean moans deeply and tilts his head back.

"Here, soon in the future, I want to do you low and slow...but I ain't got that kind of patience. Prep yourself so I can screw you into the mattress and welcome you home.:

Cas huffs out a laugh, using his powers to widen and lube up his entrance. "Ready whenever you are, Dean."

He is pushed back into the mattress and Dean leans over him, looking over his body completely before attacking his lips, kissing him harshly, and tangling a hand into the thick, dark hair. 

Cas wraps his legs and wings around Dean, pulling their bodies closer together. It gets the man to moan as he moves to line his length up with Cas, pressing against the entrance. 

Dean takes a short moment to revel in the moment, to remember just how lucky he was to get Cas back. Then, he thrusts forward, burying himself deep into Cas, getting him to shout out in pleasure. As he rapidly pounds into Cas, he can't help but mutter 'olani hoath ol' every few thrusts. Cas is moaning uncontrollably, his heart melting as he hears Dean speak.

As the heat coils in Dean's stomach, he increases the pace and the force, speaking the Enochian phrase even louder. This time, Cas shouts out loud, feeling himself coming close as he bits down on Dean's shoulder again to muffle his noises.

Dean reaches between them with a hand to grip Cas' length, pumping it in time with his thrusts. "Come for me...Castiel  _Winchester_."

Castiel cries out as he comes hard into his hand, his own fingers digging into Dean's back as his wings flare out. As he feels the angel tighten around him, Dean climaxes inside of him, holding onto him tightly.

Maybe they would have been embarrassed to have climaxed so quickly, but they didn't care. They've been without each other too long to care about that. They just needed to feel each other.

As they both came down from their orgasms, Cas nuzzled against the man, getting him to lift his head so he could get a look at his face. 

"You're so beautiful, Dean Winchester..." He mumbled.

Dean grins as he pants lightly against his face, running a hand through the angel's hair. "Not as beautiful as you, Cas Winchester..."

Cas smiles shyly and transports them back to the room. They keep close and kiss lazily for a while until they here a knock at the door. They both freeze.

Dean presses a finger to his lip, silently asking Cas to be silent. "Sam?"

Sam's voice responds on the other side of the door. "Dean, you awake, already? I'm gonna make breakfast if you don't and you know how much of a shitty cook I am."

Dean lets out a short chuckle and shakes his head. "Sorry, Sammy. Can't help you." He wraps his arms back around Cas and closes his eyes. 

Sam knocks again. "Dean are you okay? You've been good about getting out of bed for the past few weeks. Don't go back on your progress."

"Screw progress! I'm  _not_  sharing!" Dean shouts back.

"Not sharing? Dean, do you have more alcohol in there?! Dammit, Dean, you need help!"

Dean tries his best to smother his laughter. "Help all you want, I'm not getting any better then this."

Sam tries to open the door, only to find it locked. In case he did come in, Cas dressed the both of them in clothes and put his wings away.

"Open the door or I'll kick it down!" Sam called out.

Dean grins and gives Cas a short nod, letting him know to unlock the door. Instead of just doing that, Cas cracked the door open just as Sam moved to kick the door open, causing the poor guy to stumble in.

When Sam gets steady and looks ahead, seeing Cas, he pauses. Looking at them in surprise. And he instantly pulled out his gun, aiming it at the angel.


	21. There's Always a Catch...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They may have Cas back, but that doesn't mean they're safe.

Dean instantly jumps in front of Cas, holding up his arms. "NO! Sammy, its  _him_! I checked! Don't you think  _I_  would've checked?!"

Sam didn't lower the gun. "Dean, Cas is  _dead_! You said it yourself; angels can only be brought back by  _God_!"

"I know! But he's  _not_  dead! The spell ripped him from his vessel and he was rebuilt in heaven. He never died, Sam, just his vessel!"

Cas decided to intervene. He stood up and looked right at Sam who appeared a little frightened.

"Sam," Cas spoke softly. "Dean and I just had a wonderful session of sex. He has confirmed that it is truly me."

Sam stared at him with wide and confused eyes before lowering the gun and face palming. "Oh, God, I didn't need to know that. Yeah, that's definitely Cas."

Dean grins widely and also stands, throwing his arm over the angels shoulder as he nuzzles against his neck. "Good call." It gets to Cas lean against him with a smile. 

"Well...it's certainly good to have you back, Cas. And I'm sorry I almost shot you." Sam said as he patted him on the back. He would have gone for a hug, having missed the angel himself, but his brother was too busy practically constricting Cas in his arms. He hadn't seen him this happy in two months. It warmed Sam's heart that the two were together again. They deserved each other.

"Yeah, you better be sorry..." Dean grumbles. "Sorry, Cas, looks like we can't lay in bed all day. Guess you'll just have to walk and eat the breakfast I make you."

Cas smiles and takes his hand. "I'll find some way to survive."

Dean wraps an arm around the angel's waist and the three of them all walk to the kitchen. As Sam moves to sit at the table, Dean picks Cas up by the waist and lifts him, gently setting him down on the counter top.

"Alright, what do you guys want? I'm thinking pancakes."

"Sounds good." Sam says. Cas responds by simply nodding his head, with a smile still on his face.

Dean grins at the sight and trots over to the fridge and cupboards to pull out the needed supplies and sets them all beside Cas. He places both hands on either side of Cas and leans in close.

"Ready for your first lesson?"

Cas lifts a hand to rake his fingers through Dean's hair. "I almost forgot. You're to teach me how to cook."

Dean leans into the gentle touch. "Yup. First meal is breakfast. I'll show you all the steps, and Sammy can bite his PDA rule today if he wants to eat." He looked back over his shoulder at his brother, giving him a slight smile to show there was no malice intended in the words. Sam simply returns the smile, happy to see the light back in Dean's eyes.

"Alright, Dean." Cas said. "Teach me how to make pancakes."

Dean reaches over to grab a bowl and sets it in Cas' hands before moving around the kitchen, collecting the necessary ingredients for pancakes. He dumps the mix and cracks some eggs into the bowl and instructs Cas to stir.

Cas watches and listens intently, dedicating everything said to memory as Sam discreetly pulls out his phone and takes a picture of the moment. He hadn't seen his brother so happy in months that it would be a waste to not capture the moment.

"Did I do it correctly?" Cas asks, showing Dean the bowl after he finished stirring the contents.

"You did awesome, Cas." Dean takes the bowl and kisses the angel's head before moving over to the stove. Cas smiles and follows.

Dean pours the batter into a pan and lets it sit for a bit before opening an arm out for Cas. "Come here." He said with a welcoming smile.

Cas eagerly steps closer to the man, leaning against him. "What is it, Dean?"

Dean takes Cas' hands and have them grab the pan handle. He turns their bodies slightly so he could look over at Sam.

"Sammy, get a picture of this."

Sam huffs out a laugh before pulling up his phone again and snaps a picture. "Aw, you two are so cute together." He says sarcastically.

It earns him an eye roll from Dean. "Not yet, bitch." Dean looks down at the pan, moving his hands back over Cas' and quickly jerks him, causing the pancake to flip in the air and land back in the pan.

Cas chuckles in amusement. "Do that again, Dean."

He glances over at Sam, signaling for him to get ready before repeating the action with a big grin plastered across his face. Sam manages to take the picture just as the pancake was flipping in the air.

"Can I try?" Cas asks Dean.

"That's what I'm teaching you for." Dean lets go of Cas' hands and steps back.

Cas does his best to mimic what Dean did and he manages to flip the pancake, but only half of it lands back in the pan. The angel smiled with pride and picks it up.

"Is it done now, Dean?"

Dean chuckles and takes the pan. "Yeah, it's done. Keep practicing though; and no angel powers to cheat."

"I told you, Dean," Cas says with a smile. "I'll be all hands around you." He takes a bite of his pancake as he walks over to the table.

Dean smirks at his comment and glances over at Sam and saw the look of confusion on his face before the realization struck him. Dean laughs to himself and turns his attention back to making more pancakes.

As Dean finishes up making breakfast, Cas tells Sam about how he is alive. In return, Sam caught him up with everything that has happened since he has been gone. Cas is informed that they have tracked down and killed Cain, with the help of Crowley. Sam starts to speak in a hushed tone as he went over how depressed Dean has been. Cas listened quietly with a grim face, feeling even more guilty for being away even though there was nothing he could have done. 

Dean overheard this part of the conversation and he snaps his head in their direction, giving them a daring look. "Hey, knock that crap off. Lets not talk about it. Ever."

Cas gives him an apologetic look. "Sorry, Dean. I had asked Sam to tell me how you were during my absence."

There was a moment of silence before Dean speaks. "I thought you were dead, Cas...It wasn't pretty."

"I know...And I cannot begin to express how sorry I am. It was not intentional."

"I know it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault...It just sucked...So please, today at least, can we  _not_  talk about it?"

His attitude only made Cas worry. "Okay, Dean. I apologize for bringing it up...I won't for the rest of the day." He fully intended on prying some more tomorrow.

Dean only frowns and loads all the pancakes he made onto a large platter and brought it over to the table, sitting next to Cas. He kissed him on the cheek in greeting and rests his hand on the small of the angel's back. The three of them begin to dig into their breakfast.

As they silently eat their pancakes, Cas decides to speak. "Dean, Sam...After we finish breakfast, I need to discuss something important with the both of you."

This makes Dean tense. He just got Cas back, it wouldn't be fair if there was another fucking problem to deal with. But instead of expressing his intense curiosity, he only gives the angel a light nod.

"Alright...Whatever you need..."

Cas can sense Dean starting to worry and he frowns when he can't think of anything to soothe his nerves. They go back to eating their pancakes in an awkward silence.

This time, it was Dean to start speaking. "So, Sammy...what do you think about cats?"

"Cats?" asked Sam, looking at Dean in confusion before he realizes what his brother was doing. "Oh!  _Cats_! Yeah, I like cats."

Cas smiles excitedly as he watches the brother converse, realizing just what they were getting at.

"Dean, are we going to get a cat?!" Cas asks.

Dean fights to hold back a smirk and he furrows his brows to look confused. "What makes you think that?"

Cas smiles wide. "I can cure you of your allergies, if you'd like."

"Why would I need to be cured of them?"

"Because I was promised a cat half a year ago." Cas answers with a light chuckle.

"Were you?" Dean narrows his eyes slightly and tries not to grin as he leans in closer to the angel. "You know drunk promises don't count."

Cas also leans in, closing the distance between the two. "I know very well that you were sober, and I know you know this too."

"I don't know...memory's kinda hazy..."

Cas gently touches Deans forehead with two fingers and replays the memory of him promising a feline companion. Dean smiles at the memory.

"Perks of being an angel." He says as he huffs out a laugh.

Cas smiles lightly before his lips twitch into a frown as he thinks of what he wants to tell the Winchesters.

"Can I talk to the both of you about what I wanted to say?"

The brothers exchange nervous glances before nodding in unison.

Cas sighs before speaking. "Getting out of heaven wasn't easy. Och had angels waiting for me to take me away. I was able to fight my way through...The point is, we are being hunted by all the angels in heaven. We have a bounty on our heads."

Dean furrows his brow and lowers his tone, clearly upset. "He said he'd take us for five years when you were healed."

"Before I... _exploded_ , you and I promised to fight back against Och in order to remain free from imprisonment. He is now furious that neither of us followed through with the deal."

"Why the hell is he mad at me?! I thought you were  _dead_!"

"I understand, but he didn't know that. And no one came to you to take you because of the wards I engraved into your ribs five years ago that prevents you from being tracked by angels."

"So what now?" Sam asks. "How will you guys fight this?"

Cas rubs his face in frustration. "We hide. There are thousands of angels on heaven and earth looking for us. They may use you as leverage, Sam, so its best you lie low as well."

Dean looks at the angel in disbelief. "We- For how long?!" Dean isn't exactly the type comfortable with hiding like prey from it's predator.

"For as long as it takes."

A moment passes before Dean growls. "Why us? Why  _any_  of us?! Why the hell can't the angels leave you alone?!"

"Because I messed up, Dean." Cas says softly. "I've messed up a lot since before you were born."  

"People make mistakes, Cas."

"I know...but they are now fed up with me. I think they believe I've exhausted my usefulness. But they don't want to kill me since I've done  _some_  good."

"So, what? They're scrapping up the five year plan and racking it up to eternity?" Sam asks, agitation clearly written on his face.

"I believe they would. They won't give us five years anymore, I know that much."

Dean grits his teeth and lowers his head in defeat. "Alright, then...We're gonna angel-proof this place. No angels in," He looks over at Cas, frowning softly. "...no angels out."

Cas gives the man a small smile. "Its okay. I wouldn't have any reason to leave, anyways."

This doesn't help Dean's negative disposition. He couldn't help but think how he just got Cas back and its not fair to run into life-threatening danger again. 

Sam scratches the back of his head. "Um...We need to go shopping for food...we're running low..."

Dean frowns and looks to Cas for any suggestions.

"I suppose if you need food, I can do the shopping for you. It will be quicker if I do it." The angel said.

"No. Not when every angel alive is out there looking for you."

"If you need food, then I don't see why not. Someone has to do it and it would be better if it were me."

"Cas, there's  _thousands_  of angels looking for you, all ready to kick your ass. I'm not letting you leave!" Dean was willing to beg to convince the angel to stay put.

"I understand your concern for me, but are you expecting me to sit here and watch you  _starve_?"

"No. I'll go out on a run. Och isn't out man-hunting for me, he's too focused on finding you."

"I want to come with you then. Och can use you as leverage to draw me out. And he is also looking for you since you also broke the deal."

Dean shakes his head. "No. I'm not putting you in that kind of danger."

Cas narrows his eyes at him before he suddenly disappears from sight, having flown off to somewhere. Dean'e eyes widen and he glances around quickly as he jumps out of his seat.

In fear that Castiel has left the bunker, Dean sprints to the garage (with Sam following close behind). The brothers got into the car and started her up as quickly as possible and they sped out onto the road.

"He could have gone  _anywhere_ , Dean! Where the hell do we start?!"

"Anywhere he would go to calm down."

Sam pulls out his phone and dials Cas' numbers, hoping that he would answer. Instead, they heard ringing coming from the back seat. 

"Damn it." Sam mumbles as he reaches back to grab the Cas' phone. He must have accidentally left it in here the last time he was in the Impala.

Dean was busy trying to contact the angel via prayer, muttering it beneath his breath as he drives. "Cas, please let me find you. I'm sorry about this, but I can't-...I  _can't_  lose lose you again."

It was half a minute later when Dean's phone rings. He looks at the caller ID and is surprised to see that it's coming from the back-up phone he kept back at the bunker.

He answers the call immediately. "Cas, you there?"

" _Dean. It's me. Where are you?_ " 

Dean sighed in relief, glad that his angel was safe. "I'm out looking for you. Where are you?"

" _In our bedroom...at the bunker..._ "

The car instantly swerves, doing an illegal U-turn and speeds off in the direction of home. Dean was relieved beyond belief that he hadn't even left the bunker.

"Listen; I'm sorry, but you know I can't do this."

" _I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left so suddenly. I didn't think that you would assume I left the bunker._ "

"I didn't know what to assume. I was just worried about you."

" _I know...I'm sorry. Just come back. They could be watching you for all you know._ "

"I know, Cas...I'm on my way. Hey-" Dean lowers his voice a bit. "I love you."

" _I love you too,_   _Dean_."

Dean has a small smile on his lips as he hangs up and he turns his attention to Sam. "He's back at the bunker."

Sam face palms. "Why the hell did we not look there first?!"

"I don't know! If I was going to another room, I'd walk."

"Well, he hadn't been able to fly for nearly two years. I can understand why he didn't walk."

"I know..." Dean shakes his head. "Why the hell am I such an idiot, Sam?"

"When people are in love, they tend to overreact. They automatically assume the worst has happened."

"Thousands of angels on our asses? Kinda sounds like the worst." 

Sam huffs out a laugh. "Shut up, I'm trying to sound spiritual."

Dean smiles over at his brother, chuckling softly.

 

When they finally pull into the garage, Castiel was already in there, waiting for them. Dean hops out of the car as soon as he parks, not even bothering to shut it off, and he practically runs over to the angel. He hugs him tightly, and Cas wraps his arms back around him, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Seeing that Cas was okay, Sam silently walked away and out of the garage.

"We're gonna get through this..." Dean says lowly, into the angel's ear. "We're a team...we can work this out."

Cas holds him tighter. "A team of three against an army of thousands."

Dean huffs out a laugh. "Team Free Will..."

It gets Cas to smile sadly. "But we still need to figure out how we're going to get food."

"...Call Charlie."

Cas shakes his head. "That would put her at risk. We can't involve the lives of people we don't want to lose."

"...Call Crowley."

Cas shakes his head. "I don't even need to tell you why that's not a good idea."

"Then just let me go...You don't need to eat, Cas. Its not something you should risk your life for."

Cas pulls our of the hug. "How about the both of us go? I can get us in and out of a store without being followed."

Dean frowns. "Cas...the last thing I want you to do right now is risk your life for me."

"I know you don't want that. But I will always do whatever it takes to keep you and your brother well."

Dean quickly racks his brain for any excuses to go without the angel. "...I can make a sigil for when I go. Someplace discreet just in case of trouble."

"Dean. No. I won't let you go without me."

Dean lowers his gaze, clenching his jaw. "...Angels can feel the longing of others, right?"

"Yes. Why do you ask."

"What did it feel like coming from me when you were in heaven?"

Cas closes his eyes. "It hurt."

"Why?"

"Because you thought I was dead. Because I was gone."

Dean looked at his angel sadly. "And how does it feel now?"

"It is better...you are happy..." Cas said softly.

"What was it like when I was teaching you how to flip pancakes? Or when we had sex?"

"The world was complete...Everything was at peace."

Dean rests a hand on Cas' shoulder. "Do you understand why I can't let you go?"

Cas leans his forehead against the hunter's and closes his eyes. "Yes...I understand. But you will certainly be taken if the angels find you."

"But they couldn't do as much to me..."

Cas opened his eyes and stared hard at Dean. "If they get you, they will use you against me. They will threaten to kill you, or worse, if I don't comply."

"Could they harm me in heaven?" Dean asks after a moment.

"Yes. They can do whatever they want to you. It will be worse than Hell. Like I said several months ago; I've been tortured before. It is not something to be taken lightly."

"What about my heaven? I mean, my  _personal_  heaven?"

"They can take you from your heaven with ease. You can't hide from them, Dean."

Dean sighs and pulls Cas in for another tight hug. "Alright...We've still got a couple of days worth of food to figure this out." 

"Why wait a couple of days when we can go now?"

Dean pulls away to look at him. "Cas...just let me go. I'll be in and out, twenty minutes no problem."

"Why can't I go with you? If they find you, you have a better chance of getting out with me there."

"Because right now," Dean took a deep breath. "I'm scared, Cas...I'm  _terrified_."

"Which is why I will go with you. If we're together, we will fight as hard as possible to stay together."

Dean tries not to frown as he lowers his head, fearing the most out of their errand. 

"Dean..." Cas pulls him in for another hug. "I am here. I plan on staying. I am  _not_ going back, so don't think I won't do whatever it takes to stay here."

Strong arms wrap around Cas' back. Dean took a deep breath before speaking. "I'm not going to let them take you. I'll fight my way through heaven if I have to, but I'm not ever gonna be stuck without you again."

"I promise you won't." Cas mutters into Dean's soft hair. "I mean it when I say I'm here to stay. And you are also in danger from them. You understand why I don't want you to go alone."

"Yeah, I know." Dean huffs out a laugh. "Got to knock it into me, no matter how I'm feeling about you, you're just doing the same for me."

Cas gives the man a small smile. "So, what do you say? Do you want to go grocery shopping with me?"

Dean smiles and runs a hand through his hair. "The most dangerous milk run ever? Yeah, I can handle that with you."

They smile at each other as they link hands and walk over to the Impala.

 


	22. Believe it or Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel go on a dangerous shopping mission. They are now being hunted by the entire host of heaven, and there is nowhere to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is shit, I didn't have time to edit since I'm moving to college tomorrow. Don't know how it will affect the posting of this fic.

They were silent as Dean pulls the Impala out of the garage and begins to head towards the grocery store. Cas looked over at him with a worried look and thought of how he could possibly get the man to talk about what he went through in his absence. He knew it nearly killed him, and he just wants to heal the wounds left behind.

Cas cleared his throat. "So...anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

Dean shakes his head with a small smile, knowing he was just trying to help. He looks over at Cas, his eyes not matching his smile. "How about we decide where to go on our road trip?" Dean will avoid any questions about how he handled Cas' absence at all costs.

"I would like to see the Grand Canyon." Cas says with a wide smile.

"Why is that?"

"I had a sister. Hael. She created the canyon. She wanted to see them for herself, but I was forced to kill her."

Dean bites his tongue, not wanting to think about what Cas had to go through alone when he had become mortal. "What about you? Did you create anything?"

"No. My job at first was to watch the humans and to protect heaven. I was assigned to do so."

"Watch the people?" Dean casts a glance over at him. "Like, just sit up and observe us?"

"Yes," Cas says with a nod. "I always enjoyed doing so, but that was only for several millions of years, before I had joined my garrison."

Dean huffs out a laugh. " _Only_ for _several millions_ of years." He sometimes forgets just how old the angel is.

"Yes. I wanted to do that job longer, but then soldiers became necessary."

"What was the best thing you've ever seen?"

Cas glances over at Dean. "Besides you? Humanity slowly being created. See, my Father couldn't spontaneously create a new species. He used evolution to create life. He was the one to simply alter the path of the evolutionary tree in order to make humans."

"So you saw it all? You watched all of us grow and become the things we are, good and bad?"

Cas nods. "And humans are inherently good. Just flawed. It's your flaws that make you human."

Dean smiles and looks over at the angel. "Like being stubborn or blaming myself for everything?"

"That is what makes you who you are." Cas reaches over to lay a hand on Dean's thigh as he gives him a small smile. "Though, I do suggest _not_ blaming yourself for everything. Especially the things you had no control over."

"Same goes for you, you know. We, both, need to be better about it."

"I suppose you're right. But the things I  _am_ responsible for, I will continue to blame myself for it."

Dean frowns and wraps an arm around Cas' shoulder to pull him against his side. "Let it go, Cas. It's in the past and blaming yourself won't change anything."

Cas closed his eyes and leaned against Dean. "But _so many_ people died because of me."

"So many people died because of me, too. Think of all the people I've killed because they were possessed, or how many people I've lost just by coming into contact with them...That's why I was scared of losing you when you were sick...Everyone around me dies."

Cas decided to ignore the point he was trying to make. "I've killed more people than you, Dean. I've made so many mistakes."

"Did you make those mistakes on purpose?"

"Some of them, yes."

"Do you feel remorse for them now?"

"Yes...It pains me to think about it even now..."

"Then stop..." Dean looks at him softly. "Everyone makes mistakes...People like you and me, angels included, make really big mistakes. But you can't let it just eat you alive. You've got to work on letting it go."

"Dean...How can you say that when you don't even know what I've done?"

"Because whoever you were, whatever you did, you're not it now. I don't care what Castiel was like before. All I care about is the Cas I've got now."

"I feel like I should tell you...I feel like it wouldn't be fair to you if you didn't know what I've done..."

Dean puts a firm hand on the angel's leg, casting him a serious glance. "Alright. Whatever you need to say, say it. But I promise you... _nothing_ is going to change."

Cas looks away. He has done so many things that would be considered bad today. He decided to tell Dean the mistake with the most body counts; the one he regrets most.

"I was the cause of Pompeii..."

Dean's thumb stroked gentle circles against his leg. "How'd it happen?"

Cas takes a deep breath. "I was sent by heaven to fight a demon which hid inside the mountain...I killed it but doing so set off the volcano. I couldn't stop it. I was sent to be tortured for several hundred years because of it..."

Dean furrows his brows and looks over at him. "You killed a demon because they said so and they torture _you_ for their mistake?"

"I wasn't asked to set off the volcano. That demon was killing people and I was told to destroy it. And I did, but I also killed the people I was sent to protect." Cas looked out the window.

"The demon and the volcano were connected in some way, right? By killing him, it set it off. That wasn't your fault, Cas, that's heavens fault for not doing its research first."

"It was my fault. I deserved to be punished." Cas says, blank of all emotion.

"Hey," Dean turns to face him, speaking sternly. "They might've spent all those years drilling that into your head, but I'm telling you, it ain't true. They should've known, Cas, the results were because of what _they_ said. You did your job just as you were told."

Cas looks away. "It seems we are approaching the grocery store."

Dean stays silent as he pulls into a parking space and stops the car. As soon as the engine is off, he quickly turns to Cas, grabbing him by the shoulders, and smashes their lips together in a rough kiss. His hands hold the angel's face as he pulls away.

"Say something, Cas, don't go emotionless on me." Dean pleaded.

Cas' begins to breathe rapidly. "W-what am I supposed to say?"

"Just... _anything_. Anything you feel, any kind of emotion you're feeling. Express _something_."

"Dean..." Cas slowly leans forward and gently kisses Dean, moving a hand up to caress his cheek. "I am feeling love. I am constantly feeling the love I have for you."

Dean closes his eyes and leans into the touch, nodding his head softly as he accepts the answer. "Okay...Okay, lets just get this done." Cas sits back and nods. They both exit the car and rejoin by the hood, intertwining their fingers as they make their way inside the store.

Once inside, Dean grabs a cart and pushes it with one hand while his other arm was wrapped around the angel's waist, keeping him close to his side. As they walk through the isles, picking out food here and there, they both kept and eye open for any sign of danger. Cas' eyes were darting back and forth since he felt the need to protect Dean at all costs.

"Relax..." Dean mutters beside his ear. "Try to act natural."

Cas nods in understanding and pretends to have an interest in the food they were browsing. He felt on edge. He felt like they were being watched, but Cas knew that the occasional people he caught staring at him were not angels. But it still worried him that they _were_ staring.

"I know you don't have to eat anymore, but do you want anything?" Dean asks.

Cas replies without looking back at him. "There is no need to spend money on me, Dean. Just shop for you and your brother."

"We've got money, Cas. Do you still want me to teach you how to make burgers?"

Cas turns his head to look at Dean with a soft smile. "Yes, I would like that."

After nearly half an hour of shopping, they have finally collected all the food they needed to live off of for a couple of weeks. They check out and walk the grocery cart back over to the Impala, loading the contents into the trunk. They did so quickly, moving as fast as they could and getting back into the car and driving off.

As they pulled onto the main road, they both let out a relieved sigh. Cas looks into the rear-view mirror to make sure they weren't being followed. He relaxes when he confirms that they are safe.

"I'm sorry you can't angel-proof anything." He says to Dean. The Winchesters would be a lot safer if they could ward angels away from the bunker, but that would also mean he wouldn't be able to stay with them, which is something Dean wouldn't let happen.

Dean gives the angel a small smile as he reaches over to grab his hand. "I'd rather fight thousands of them than be without you." His comment got Cas to give him a sheepish smile as he intertwines their fingers together.

Dean hums as he thinks of a way to take Cas' mind off of their situation. "Is the back seat comfortable?"

"I'm not tired, Dean." Cas answers, looking over at him with confusion written over his features.

Dean tries to hold back a smirk. "I know, I'm just curious. How was it, though? Have enough room?"

Cas furrows his brow. "Yes, plenty. Why do you ask?"

"Got to thinkin' how much fun it's be to bang you in the back seat during our road trip." Dean replied casually.

Cas blushes deeply and a genuine smile appears on his lips. "Why wait until we take the road trip?" He pulls his hand away from Deans only to lay it lightly on the man's thigh, slowly moving up his leg.

Dean smirks as he feels the blood rush to his crotch. "You're always gonna be eager, aren't you?"

Cas huffs out a laugh. "Always." When his hands find the swelling bulge in Dean's pants, he begins to rub it. "And I believe it is my turn to 'bang' you."

Dean bites back a moan as he struggles to focus on driving. "I guess you're right. I'll get to you eventually."

"Well you better drive faster. I don't like to wait." Teasing Dean was fun. To make it even more difficult for the man, Cas leans over and begins to kiss and suck at his neck. Dean tilts his head to give him more room as the car speeds up, dead set on getting to the garage. Dean releases a deep groan when there is a bruise being nipped into his neck.

Dean parks the car immediately after pulling into the garage, not even bothering to close the garage door as he turns to kiss the angel strongly. Cas groans and holds his face between both hands. Dean tangles his fingers in Cas' thick hair, nipping at his lip before speaking.

"We need to actually _get in_ the back, Cas."

With just a thought, Castiel moved them to the back seat. The sudden change left Dean confused for only a moment before he is brought back into reality when Cas pulls him onto his lap. They both remove their shirts before reconnecting, Dean's mouth at Cas' neck. The angel lets out a shuddered breath as his hands undo Dean's belt.

Dean huffs out a laugh, amused by the angel's desperation. He brings his lips to Cas' ear to whisper. "Come on, Cas, I can't be the only one getting naked here."

Cas grunts in response and they were suddenly both naked (thanks to Cas) and the angel moves his hands down to squeeze Dean's ass, causing the man to moan. Dean retaliates by grabbing both of their cocks in one hand, stroking them together.

A deep groan makes its way out of Cas and he rests his forehead on Dean's shoulder as he thrusts into the tight fist around him. Dean only continues this for another minute or so before pulling his hand away.

"Bet you'd feel better inside of me rather than just my hand." He said with a grin.

Cas moans in agreement and makes lube appear all over his right hand. He reaches down and teases Dean's entrance with a single finger before plunging it in. Dean's eyes flutter shut as he groans, pushing back down against the finger. Cas smiles and nips at Dean's plump, bottom lip as he adds the second finger, scissoring him open. It isn't long until he adds the next finger.

Eventually, Dean is fully prepared and loose enough for Cas. Cas made sure he took his time, wanting this to last as long as he could make it. He pulls his fingers out of Dean and moves to slick up his own cock with lube, watching Dean with dark eyes.

Dean groans at the sight. "C'mon, Cas, I know you want this so just _screw me already_."

Cas lets out a short growl as he lifts Dean up by his waist, high enough to settle him back down on his cock. They moaned in unison as Dean sank to the base.

Dean let out a gasp as he felt a sudden change in gravity. When he opened his eyes he found himself on his back with Cas above him (and still inside him). Cas slowly pulls out of him before thrusting forwards and staring a slow and torturous pace.

Dean's back arches off of the seat as he moans out Cas' name. "That's still t-teasing, Cas."

"You want me to go faster? Harder?" The angel kisses his way along Dean's jaw while slowly fucking him.

Dean groans again. " _Anything_ , Cas, _please_!"

Without warning, Cas suddenly increases the speed and force, pinning Dean's hips down to the seat. Dean cries out in pleasure, his hands flying up to grip Cas' shoulders to brace himself. Dean screams out Cas' name once the angel found his prostate and kept hitting it with each thrust, driving the man closer to the edge.

One of Dean's hands reaches up to card through Cas' hair which gets the angel to whine. To return the favor, Cas reaches down to grab Dean's cock, pumping it quickly in time with each thrust.

It doesn't take very long after that for Dean to climax between them. Cas followed soon after and collapsed on top of him just after he pulled out. Their hands slowly and gently pet each other as their high wears away. They'd both had the threat of angels after them fucked out of their head.

Dean was the first to speak. "This...is...going to be...an _awesome_ road trip..." He says between each pant of breath.

Cas chuckles as he traces random patterns on his skin. "I am looking forwards to it. Of course, we can't do it until it's safe."

Dean scoffs at the obvious remark and shakes his head. "You sure? Could be a hell of a lot more exciting."

Cas responds by kissing his face. "Let's get the groceries inside before they spoil."

Dean sighs heavily, giving Cas an overdramatic pout as he wraps his arms around him. "Do you _really_ need to?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Cas presses his head against Dean's shoulder. "We don't want to risk having to shop again anytime soon."

"I think I know a certain little angel who could magically move them without leaving this spot."

Cas huffs out a laugh. "I can move them into the kitchen, yes, but _where_ is not something I can determine without concentration and you are very distracting."

"Well, we did the shopping which risked our lives. Sammy can handle putting away a few bags."

"Mmm, alright." With just a thought, the groceries moved from the trunk and suddenly dropped onto the kitchen floor, scaring the shit out of Sam who was preparing lunch at the time.

Dean smiles brightly at him, looking at the angel lovingly. "You're so perfect for me, Cas."

"I suppose we're perfect for each other." Cas says with a soft smile as he traces Dean's jaw with a finger.

Dean leans up to give him a brief, yet loving, kiss. "How's the ring fit you."

Cas smiled and looked down at his hand. "It was a little loose, but I shrunk it a bit to make it fit."

Dean looks down at his own hand, decorated with the beautiful ring Cas had created for him. "Wish it could've been perfect like you did mine."

"Dean, don't say that." Cas gives him a light kiss to get his attention. "I wanted a ring that was a part of you. Obviously, you can't make one with _actual_ parts of you, so you're father's ring, the man who made you, is perfect."

"I never thought I'd actually use it for anything...I just wanted to keep it for him. Having you wear it means the world to me."

Cas smiles. "And wearing it is an honor."

 

 

It has been several weeks since Cas had returned. He and the Winchester brothers have been hiding out in the bunker, and it isn't exactly fun. Cas is used to flying all over the world every day. Remaining in one location for several weeks is frustrating for him. He has done his best to not complain, but three weeks is enough. He can't handle staying inside any longer.

Cas walks into the bedroom, finding Dean sitting on the bed with his laptop. "Dean, I don't like remaining in the bunker for so long without leaving. Can we go on a hunt?"

Dean glances up from the screen. "We're already being _hunted_ , Cas. We gotta stay here."

Cas sits on the foot of the bed. "I don't like being cooped up in here. The nothingness is getting to me."

"We could do karaoke." Dean said with a small laugh.

"Dean, I don't sing."

"Relax, I was just kidding."

"You've never heard me sing and I doubt you ever will."

Dean raises a brow, becoming slightly intrigued. "Cas, you're stuck with me for _eternity_."

"Yes, and I've only ever sang once, and it was necessary."

He looks at the angel, utterly baffled. " _Once_?! In _billions_ of years?!"

Cas nods. "And it was a little over a year ago."

Dean straightens his posture, now intensely curious. "What? Why, Cas? When?" Dean thought that when angels 'sing', it was the high pitch ringing noise that is their true voice.

"It was when I thought I had a date with Nora, but instead she left me with her infant that would not stop crying. I tried singing to calm her down."

"Well, what happened?"

"The baby would not stop crying, and angel came to murder me, then you showed up and I lived."

"No, Cas, what happened when you _sang_?"

Cas hums in thought as he recalls what happened. "The baby simply continued to cry, if that's what you mean."

Dean takes a moment to process this information. So appearantly Cas _doesn't_ use an angels true voice to sing. This means he can sing to him. A smile grows on his face.

"Sing to me."

Cas freezes in place before looking up at Dean, about to protest, but who was he to deny Dean Winchester what he wanted? Cas blushed heavily as he cleared his throat and began to sing the only song he knew.

"Look at what's happened to me.

I can't believe in myself.

Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,

It should have been somebody else.

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air.

I never thought I could feel so free-

Flying away on a wing and a prayer.

Who could it be?

Believe it or not it's just me."

Dean smiles brightly as he listens. He recognizes the song and waits for the next verse before jumping in and singing along.

"Just like the light of new day,

It hit me from out of the blue.

Breakin' me out of the spell I was in,

Makin' all of my wishes come true..."

Both slowly stop singing, looking deep into each others eyes and they lean forward to share a gentle kiss.

Dean pulls away and holds Cas' face between both of his hands. "This is too good to be true..."

"What is, Dean?" Cas says with a soft smile.

Dean leans close enough so that their lips brush together. "Look at me, falling for you."

Cas inhales sharply, feeling an immense amount of love and adoration for the man before him and cups his cheek as he pulls him in for a kiss.

Dean returns it, humming against his lips before slowly pulling back. "You sound so beautiful, Cas."

Cas blushes as he leans his head against Dean's. "My voice is meager compared to yours."

"Your voice is _angelic_." Dean says with a small smirk.

It gets Cas to chuckle. "Dean, you know very well that an angelic voice is sharp enough to break glass and make your ears bleed."

"Will I ever be able to understand that?"

"No. It will always sound like white noise to you."

Dean frowns and glances away from Cas.

"Dean? What's wrong?" Cas asks softly.

"Some people can hear your _real_ voice...Jimmy did. Kinda sucks that _I'll_ never get to hear what you actually sound like..."

"Oh..." Cas fiddled with his hands. "That never occurred to me...You'd never be able to see my true form, either..."

Dean's frown deepens and his eyes shoot back up to Cas. "I'll never _see_ you?!"

"No... Your eyes would burn out of your skull..."

"Even after I'm dead? In heaven, _my_ heaven, I'll never get to see or hear you?"

"I'm afraid not." Cas says with a sigh. "There is a reason why humans have yet to create paintings that accurately depict an angel. We aren't allowed to be seen by humans. Those who look upon us lose their eyes too fast to actually see us."

Dean locks his jaw as he hangs his head, staring wordlessly at the ground. Cas lays a gentle hand on his back for comfort.

"I'm sorry, Dean. If there was a way I could show you, I would."

"Don't apologize, Cas...It's who you are. I wish I was stronger. You'll always have to hide from me inside your vessel..."

Cas licked his lips nervously as he searched for something to say to make it better. "At least you can still see my wings..."

A moment of silent passes before Dean releases a sigh. "I'm so sorry, Cas."

"Why are you apologizing? You have done nothing."

"I've done nothing, and I can't do anything about it. Cas, we've got an eternity together and I will _never_ see you...Not really..."

"Dean." Cas laid a hand on his own chest. " _This_ is who I am! I consider this vessel a part of me. You _are_ looking at me. Just in a different way."

Dean thinks for a moment before looking back up to those blue eyes. "You're seriously not bothered by the fact I can't see your angel form?"

"No. I consider this vessel to be my body. Normally, I wouldn't have a body, being a celestial wavelength, after all."

Dean smirks and runs a finger down Cas' arm. "This body does suit you...I love it."

Cas smiles and blushes. "And this body is all mine. I made it myself. No soul has ever taken residence inside. It's only ever been me in here."

A wider smile grows on Dean's lips. "All yours? Or all mine?"

Cas smirks. "Well, I created this body specifically for _you_ , after all."

"I like the sound of that..." Dean leans in and kisses the angel deeply. Cas moans into his mouth and holds on to his shoulder.

They spend the next several minutes exchanging kisses and soft touches before Cas suddenly pulls away with a scared and confused look on his face. Just as Dean was about to ask what was wrong, there was a flash of bright light. Dean shielded his eyes with his hands and when the light went away he was shocked to find that Castiel was gone. A note had replaced Cas where he had sat right in front of him. Dean quickly snatched up the note and quickly read it, fear and anger boiling in his blood.

_'Dean Winchester,_

_We have found a way to take Castiel. We still need you in order to complete the deal. Come to the heaven portal at once or he will be killed._

_-Och'_

**Author's Note:**

> How was it?!? I hope I didn't disappoint.... PLLLEEEEAAASSSEEE tell me what you think!!!


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